The 2088th Pathfinders(parody)

[taalismn]

"I'm pretty sure the fabric of space/time isn't supposed to go 'BOING' when you try going through it."
"Nor is it supposed to go "EEE-YUCK! P-TUI!'"

Don't worry about it, the Pathfinders are use to rejection.

The only people to survive falling into a black hole because singularities find them repulsive.

[SRoss]

Tiberius: "Where the hell are we!?!"

"According to our charts, Sandy Island, New Caladonia."

Tiberius: "Excellent! Shore Leave for everyone!!!"

[Kargan3033]

Tiberius: "Where the hell are we!?!"

"According to our charts, Sandy Island, New Caladonia."

Tiberius: "Excellent! Shore Leave for everyone!!!"

" It's like billions of souls crying out in horror and pain, then suddenly being cut off. "

[Kargan3033]

"I'm pretty sure the fabric of space/time isn't supposed to go 'BOING' when you try going through it."
"Nor is it supposed to go "EEE-YUCK! P-TUI!'"

Don't worry about it, the Pathfinders are use to rejection.

The only people to survive falling into a black hole because singularities find them repulsive.

Proof once again that the univerce is alive and sane.

[taalismn]

Tiberius: "Where the hell are we!?!"

"According to our charts, Sandy Island, New Caladonia."

Tiberius: "Excellent! Shore Leave for everyone!!!"

37th Watch Officer: "Some idiots just landed on our satellite dish, captain! Permission to retract it and return to depth?"

[Kargan3033]

Tiberius: "Where the hell are we!?!"

"According to our charts, Sandy Island, New Caladonia."

Tiberius: "Excellent! Shore Leave for everyone!!!"

37th Watch Officer: "Some idiots just landed on our satellite dish, captain! Permission to retract it and return to depth?"

I can just see the argument between the two captian as to which *Navy* is a Real Navy

[taalismn]

[

I can just see the argument between the two captian as to which *Navy* is a Real Navy

Depends how quickly the 2088 can don their EVA suits and whether or not they're waterproof, before they can drown.

[Kargan3033]

[

I can just see the argument between the two captian as to which *Navy* is a Real Navy

Depends how quickly the 2088 can don their EVA suits and whether or not they're waterproof, before they can drown.

Or if the Gargoyle is water thight, Marlin fishing with ship mounted particle beam cannons just *might* be considered overkill.

[taalismn]

[

I can just see the argument between the two captian as to which *Navy* is a Real Navy

Depends how quickly the 2088 can don their EVA suits and whether or not they're waterproof, before they can drown.

Or if the Gargoyle is water thight, Marlin fishing with ship mounted particle beam cannons just *might* be considered overkill.

"What does the operations manual say about giant squid clogging the main thrusters?"

[Kargan3033]

[

I can just see the argument between the two captian as to which *Navy* is a Real Navy

Depends how quickly the 2088 can don their EVA suits and whether or not they're waterproof, before they can drown.

Or if the Gargoyle is water thight, Marlin fishing with ship mounted particle beam cannons just *might* be considered overkill.

"What does the operations manual say about giant squid clogging the main thrusters?"

I don't know but I get the feeling that a deep sea fold jump would be a very bad idea, especialy on or near and deep sea fault lines.

[taalismn]

"So basically we created a wormhole that is steadily draining the world's oceans out into interstellar space?"
"Yes. The wormhole shows no signs of collapsing."
"...cool..."

[Kargan3033]

"So basically we created a wormhole that is steadily draining the world's oceans out into interstellar space?"
"Yes. The wormhole shows no signs of collapsing."
"...cool..."

Don't you mean cold and dead because the icy coldness of deep space is seeping in from the wormhole?

[taalismn]

[

Don't you mean cold and dead because the icy coldness of deep space is seeping in from the wormhole?

Nah...because none of the 2088th are that deep and brooding, and it's a one way flush- wormhole.

[SRoss]

"Sir! Isn't that an inside out, Commander Toombs?"

[taalismn]

"So...how many planets does this make so far we've inadvertently destroyed or otherwise rendered dangerous to Earth-life?"

[SRoss]

"Perhaps you should stop running long enough to ask the angry mob sir?"

[taalismn]

"Perhaps you should stop running long enough to ask the angry mob sir?"

"Further proof of the truth of our motto; 'Where we go, others follow'!"

[Kargan3033]

"Perhaps you should stop running long enough to ask the angry mob sir?"

"Further proof of the truth of our motto; 'Where we go, others follow'!"

" Reamember *Lead* the targets to the killzone and get out quick before the arty comes. "

[SRoss]

"Perhaps you should stop running long enough to ask the angry mob sir?"

"Further proof of the truth of our motto; 'Where we go, others follow'!"

"With pitchforks and torches."

[taalismn]

Ah yes, a lynch mob: incentive to go farther, go faster, go places where people haven't heard of you and ideally don't believe in extradition.

[Kargan3033]

Ah yes, a lynch mob: incentive to go farther, go faster, go places where people haven't heard of you and ideally don't believe in extradition.

Basicly the Outter Mongolia of the univerce.

[taalismn]

Ah yes, a lynch mob: incentive to go farther, go faster, go places where people haven't heard of you and ideally don't believe in extradition.

Basicly the Outter Mongolia of the univerce.

Outer Mongolia they run down on horseback.
If you get the chance, watch the movie 'Genghis Blues' about an American blues singer traveling to Mongolia to learn throat-singing. It's a pretty good travelog, and surreal in some parts.

[Kargan3033]

Ah yes, a lynch mob: incentive to go farther, go faster, go places where people haven't heard of you and ideally don't believe in extradition.

Basicly the Outter Mongolia of the univerce.

Outer Mongolia they run down on horseback.
If you get the chance, watch the movie 'Genghis Blues' about an American blues singer traveling to Mongolia to learn throat-singing. It's a pretty good travelog, and surreal in some parts.

Hmm nah, doesn't sound like something I would like I do not like the blues*Evil, pervy eye towards the Tau females.*

[taalismn]

"Captain's Log: Date: Whenever. Present Location: Wherever. Situational Update: I continue to be surrounded by idiots. We continue to be pursued by maniacs. We continue to follow the orders of hypocrites. Our five year mission one of extreme tedium interrupted by episodes of stark raving terror."

[SRoss]

UEEF Office of Public Relations

Original Log Entry: UES Gargoyle.

"Captain's Log: Date: Whenever. Present Location: Wherever. Situational Update: I continue to be surrounded by idiots. We continue to be pursued by maniacs. We continue to follow the orders of hypocrites. Our five year mission one of extreme tedium interrupted by episodes of stark raving terror."

Final Published Version.
"Captain's Log: Date and Location: Classified. Situational Update: I and my crack crew continue to strive to be worthy of the awesome responsibility granted me by my superiors. Our five-year mission is one of peaceful exploration, discovering new life and boldly journeying where no one has gone before."

[taalismn]

A good spin doctor is worth their weight in protoculture.
A BAD spin doctor is a liability, as their obviously contrived take on things serves as a more blatant confirmation of negative events and culpability than a signed confession would be.

[SRoss]

Luckily for the UEEF, ROBOTECH predates public knowledge of the existance of Freedom of Information requests.

[taalismn]

PLus a good number of classified documents got wasted during the Rain of Death, the vaporization of Monument City, and Edwards' rampage through Tiresia.

[batlchip]

PLus a good number of classified documents got wasted during the Rain of Death, the vaporization of Monument City, and Edwards' rampage through Tiresia.

Sir! If this gets out we will be screwed!
Relax Dave i've got a plan.

[taalismn]

it's why, ideally, classified documents are printed on tissue paper...burns easy, shreds when wet.

[SRoss]

Reasons for Being Transferred to IceGuard...

Etched classified documents on Beryllium sheets.

[taalismn]

Reasons for Being Transferred to IceGuard...

Etched classified documents on Beryllium sheets.

...saved said sheets from destruction when a reflex-fusion warhead somehow made its way down into the records vaults.

[Kargan3033]

Reasons for Being Transferred to IceGuard...

Etched classified documents on Beryllium sheets.

...saved said sheets from destruction when a reflex-fusion warhead somehow made its way down into the records vaults.

So it was because of her how shall we say *obcessive* record keeping that Libbarian Chan got shipped to the IG, too bad she is not only deslyxic when transcrbing records but she also has pervervcly erotic bent when it comes to copying documents.

[taalismn]

[

So it was because of her how shall we say *obcessive* record keeping that Libbarian Chan got shipped to the IG, too bad she is not only deslyxic when transcrbing records but she also has pervervcly erotic bent when it comes to copying documents.

Problem is, you then have people actively seeking out the files looking for exotic porn, then frantically deciphering them because they assume it's encoded really GOOD exotic porn.
Resulting in:
"...what the HEY?! This isn't Heffner's private gallery!!! It's Field Marshal Leonard's unofficial Zentraedi Control Zone Protocols!!!"

[Kargan3033]

[

So it was because of her how shall we say *obcessive* record keeping that Libbarian Chan got shipped to the IG, too bad she is not only deslyxic when transcrbing records but she also has pervervcly erotic bent when it comes to copying documents.

Problem is, you then have people actively seeking out the files looking for exotic porn, then frantically deciphering them because they assume it's encoded really GOOD exotic porn.
Resulting in:
"...what the HEY?! This isn't Heffner's private gallery!!! It's Field Marshal Leonard's unofficial Zentraedi Control Zone Protocols!!!"

To utter a favouret quote:" Just As Planed. "

Which just goes to show that the third most scavaged items in a post ailen appoclyse world after guns and food is porn.

Which may or may not cast a favourble light on human nature.

[taalismn]

And accounts for the signal data the radio astronomers on the 2088th mission keep finding clogging their receivers...it's encrypted alien satellite porn.

[Kargan3033]

And accounts for the signal data the radio astronomers on the 2088th mission keep finding clogging their receivers...it's encrypted alien satellite porn.

Hal v6.66: " The reactions of the Fleshies to these *alien brodcasts should be *fun* to watch. "

*The sounds of terminal projectile vomiting*

[taalismn]

"It's either a First Contact package, a broadcast threat that any alien species approaching their planet will eaten, or it's their version of the Kama Sutra."
"Gee? Which one do we stake our lives on?"

[Kargan3033]

"It's either a First Contact package, a broadcast threat that any alien species approaching their planet will eaten, or it's their version of the Kama Sutra."
"Gee? Which one do we stake our lives on?"

The female crewers of the Gargoyle would be happy with either outcome.

Female Gargoyle Crewer: " So Mr.Alien so you say that covering myself with melted butter, cracked peeper and sea salt is your idea of foreplay?, works for me. "

Talk about a *Happy Meal*

[taalismn]

Clearly it's time to do an overhaul of the ship's life support system again. Apparently there are spores in the airflow again.

[Kargan3033]

Clearly it's time to do an overhaul of the ship's life support system again. Apparently there are spores in the airflow again.

" What do you mean today's lunch is cream of *mushroom*soup? "

[taalismn]

"Karl, what did we tell you about stashing your cache of Flower of Life spores in the ventilation shafts again? We mentioned airlocks, if I recall correctly..."

[Kargan3033]

"Karl, what did we tell you about stashing your cache of Flower of Life spores in the ventilation shafts again? We mentioned airlocks, if I recall correctly..."

I guess he forgot since he is such an *airhead*

[taalismn]

"Karl, what did we tell you about stashing your cache of Flower of Life spores in the ventilation shafts again? We mentioned airlocks, if I recall correctly..."

I guess he forgot since he is such an *airhead*

'Explosive Decompression Head' if he's not more careful.

[Kargan3033]

"Karl, what did we tell you about stashing your cache of Flower of Life spores in the ventilation shafts again? We mentioned airlocks, if I recall correctly..."

I guess he forgot since he is such an *airhead*

'Explosive Decompression Head' if he's not more careful.

Well that could be kind of *depressing*, I'm sure he's learned his lision

* Hands Karl a stack credits when no one is looking. *

" Same time tomorrow? "

[taalismn]

"So do you want to walk to the airlock or do you need to be pushed?"

[Kargan3033]

"So do you want to walk to the airlock or do you need to be pushed?"

Karl" Man what a *drag* this is turning into. "

[taalismn]

Karl Ripov is in fact, a clone of the unlamented late Karl Riber...how anybody got a sample of his DNA is anybody's guess. WHY anybody would clone him is even more of a mystery, since the original Riber's sole claim to fame was that he was dead before the SDF-1 launched. Some speculate that a bizarrely cunning Lynn Minmei may have been behind a plot to drive a wedge between Rick Hunter and Lisa Hayes, while others think that it was a smeg-headed way of using Tirolian cloning technology to 'replenish' Earth's population, manpower, and gene pool with resurrected clones of anybody they could find who'd died as a result of the introduction of Robotechnology to Earth.
In any case, Karl's something of a bonehead...whether it's nature or nurture is, again, anybody's guess.

[Kargan3033]

Karl Ripov is in fact, a clone of the unlamented late Karl Riber...how anybody got a sample of his DNA is anybody's guess. WHY anybody would clone him is even more of a mystery, since the original Riber's sole claim to fame was that he was dead before the SDF-1 launched. Some speculate that a bizarrely cunning Lynn Minmei may have been behind a plot to drive a wedge between Rick Hunter and Lisa Hayes, while others think that it was a smeg-headed way of using Tirolian cloning technology to 'replenish' Earth's population, manpower, and gene pool with resurrected clones of anybody they could find who'd died as a result of the introduction of Robotechnology to Earth.
In any case, Karl's something of a bonehead...whether it's nature or nurture is, again, anybody's guess.

Karl Ripov is the Gargoyle's envromental engineer who hear voices in his head when he sleeps which is in fact Hal v6.66 trying his hand a sublemanl minpulation for for fun of it.

[taalismn]

Yep, because every starship needs a bored amoral supercomputer to make things interesting. Just ask Vexxarr.