The 2088th Pathfinders(parody)

[taalismn]

Singularity Leashes of course! And shoggoths!

Which makes me wonder if Louie and Lang are drinking buddies.

Lang will drink the young pup under the table...then stick him with the bill.

[SRoss]

THINGS NEVER TO ENHANCE WITH PROTOCULTURE

Peach Schnapps.

[taalismn]

THINGS NEVER TO ENHANCE WITH PROTOCULTURE

Peach Schnapps.

ANY schnapps.
Kumquats.

[taalismn]

Captain Tiberius: "..okay, scratch the high speed massdriver launch tubes as a good idea..."
(He's looking off the bridge of the good ship Gargoyle as an asteroid floats by, the rear jets of an Alpha-Legioss sticking out of it)
Engineer: "...but it worked on Battlestar Galactica.."

[taalismn]

Captain Tiberius: "Okay, I take it THAT wasn't supposed to happen during the test of the new barrier system?"
(he's looking off the bridge at where the entire front 25% of the UESS Gargoyle appears to be horizontally crushed flat)
Navigator Lt. Jones: "...eee...eee.....eee..."
Engineer Frankenfuber: "That's not supposed to happen! The shield is supposed to move WITH the ship!!!"
Helmsman: "Good thing we were on maneuvering station-keeping thrusters for the test, and not going at flank speed, eh?"
Navigator Lt. Jones: "...eee...eee.....eee..."
Captain Tiberius:(looking at internal monitors showing crewmembers leaning and panting against hastily dogged and sealed hatches on the backside of forward bulkheads)"I'm rather glad I didn't order a full-speed reverse immediately after."

[Kargan3033]

Jones:" Captain there is a ship dead ahead of us. "

Captain Tiberius: " Is there any brodcasts from that ship? "

Louie Jr flexs his cybernetic eyes at the readout screen:" Yes Sir and from what I am able to make of the ship's transmissions the ship's name is the Nostromo. "

Roy Fooker:" Alright maybe there are some sexy space babes to *rescue*. "

[taalismn]

Welcome back, Kargan.

[Kargan3033]

Welcome back, Kargan.

Thanks, good to see you.

[taalismn]

Jones:" Captain there is a ship dead ahead of us. "

Captain Tiberius: " Is there any brodcasts from that ship? "

Louie Jr flexs his cybernetic eyes at the readout screen:" Yes Sir and from what I am able to make of the ship's transmissions the ship's name is the Nostromo. "

Roy Fooker:" Alright maybe there are some sexy space babes to *rescue*. "

Tactical use of Neutron S missiles is authorized.

[Kargan3033]

Tactical use of Neutron S missiles is authorized.

Jones" But Captain what if they come in peace? "

[taalismn]

My rule of First Contact is that if the other guy doesn't recognize you are NOT food/breeding host, force is perfectly acceptable to correct them on that assumption. After all, recognizable sentience should also mean a sense of empathy for another, and recognition of their right to defend themselves in a life-jeopardizing situation.

[Kargan3033]

My rule of First Contact is that if the other guy doesn't recognize you are NOT food/breeding host, force is perfectly acceptable to correct them on that assumption. After all, recognizable sentience should also mean a sense of empathy for another, and recognition of their right to defend themselves in a life-jeopardizing situation.

And it is because of that lack of that clause that *cough, cough redshirts, cough, cough* nearly became exstintc.

Or one could give them Minmei and watch them become vegatairain.

Or sick Annie on them which proves that genocide is a solution to any problem.

[taalismn]

My rule of First Contact is that if the other guy doesn't recognize you are NOT food/breeding host, force is perfectly acceptable to correct them on that assumption. After all, recognizable sentience should also mean a sense of empathy for another, and recognition of their right to defend themselves in a life-jeopardizing situation.

And it is because of that lack of that clause that *cough, cough redshirts, cough, cough* nearly became exstintc.

Or one could give them Minmei and watch them become vegatairain.

Or sick Annie on them which proves that genocide is a solution to any problem.

Emperor Palpatine's Red Guards actually subvert Redshirt Syndrome. They survive because he sends them away(or at least they don't get sliced apart by Luke or Vader; they still might have been kakked when Death Star 2 went up).

[Kargan3033]

Emperor Palpatine's Red Guards actually subvert Redshirt Syndrome. They survive because he sends them away(or at least they don't get sliced apart by Luke or Vader; they still might have been kakked when Death Star 2 went up).

That's because they are RED GUARDS and not Redshirts, the Red Guards are the elites of all exspendable cannon fodder in fiction which is WHY they have a chance at survival(dispite how low it is)then certian death like other exspendable fictional cannon fodder.

[SRoss]

Tactical use of Neutron S missiles is authorized.

Jones" But Captain what if they come in peace? "

Gen. Reinhart: "Hey Sparks. I wonder if we should have told Capt. Tiberius that we traded his stock of Neutron S missiles for porn, before he left?"

[taalismn]

That better be some high-quality material, there, for Neutron-S missiles...

[Kargan3033]

That better be some high-quality material, there, for Neutron-S missiles...

As long as it's not of Minimei after her last concert with the *Lucky* ones who got back stage passes after the show.

Basicly I picture Minmei looking like the last few pictures Amy Winehouse without all her makeup after Minmei's *Glory Years* have come and gone.

Talk about " Hitting The Wall. "

[taalismn]

"So I understand our ship uses a modular design?"
"Uh-huh..."
"Cool techno-transformation?"
"Nope."
"Variety of systems upgrades?"
"Quite the opposite, actually."
"...huh? How so?"
"This ship is 'modular' only in so far as they downgraded the engines and other systems so many times to provide other ships with more urgent repair needs with working systems that rather than unscrew and un-weld all the seals, interfaces, joins and couplings every time, they decided to put in a little extra effort and made the ship 'modular' for faster parts-swapping."
"So...like sewing zippers in an organ donor?"
"Got it. And in the end we got the third- or fourth-rated parts from the ships that got OUR functional systems."

[Kargan3033]

"So I understand our ship uses a modular design?"
"Uh-huh..."
"Cool techno-transformation?"
"Nope."
"Variety of systems upgrades?"
"Quite the opposite, actually."
"...huh? How so?"
"This ship is 'modular' only in so far as they downgraded the engines and other systems so many times to provide other ships with more urgent repair needs with working systems that rather than unscrew and un-weld all the seals, interfaces, joins and couplings every time, they decided to put in a little extra effort and made the ship 'modular' for faster parts-swapping."
"So...like sewing zippers in an organ donor?"
"Got it. And in the end we got the third- or fourth-rated parts from the ships that got OUR functional systems."

*Somewhere a UEEF big wig wonders if the crew of the Gargoyle are still alive or not given that their ship was scratch built from cast off parts built by the lowest bidder.*

[taalismn]

"You know what's backing our main bulkhead? Honeycombed corrugated CARDBOARD. And plywood. We may be the only starship with a termite problem."

[Kargan3033]

"You know what's backing our main bulkhead? Honeycombed corrugated CARDBOARD. And plywood. We may be the only starship with a termite problem."

" I told the Explorer Team that the seals on the spcimen containers were faulty before they went planet side. "

[taalismn]

"You know what's backing our main bulkhead? Honeycombed corrugated CARDBOARD. And plywood. We may be the only starship with a termite problem."

" I told the Explorer Team that the seals on the spcimen containers were faulty before they went planet side. "

Hell, the seals on their suits.
On the other hand, no self-respecting parasitic organism is going to want to use them as hosts, especially if any transfer-sharing of DNA is involved.

[Kargan3033]

"You know what's backing our main bulkhead? Honeycombed corrugated CARDBOARD. And plywood. We may be the only starship with a termite problem."

" I told the Explorer Team that the seals on the spcimen containers were faulty before they went planet side. "

Hell, the seals on their suits.
On the other hand, no self-respecting parasitic organism is going to want to use them as hosts, especially if any transfer-sharing of DNA is involved.

So that means no exotic love intrests?(A mixture of crying and sighs of releif where heard through out the Gargoyle)

[taalismn]

You really gotta be desperate for love if you consider being face-raped by a facehugger to be affection...

[Kargan3033]

You really gotta be desperate for love if you consider being face-raped by a facehugger to be affection...

Or are into HARD CORE french kissing.

Which also gives a whole new meaning to the old saying, " Nothing says loving like a bun in the oven. "

[taalismn]

You really gotta be desperate for love if you consider being face-raped by a facehugger to be affection...

Or are into HARD CORE french kissing.

Which also gives a whole new meaning to the old saying, " Nothing says loving like a bun in the oven. "

Reminds me of BattleAngel Alita's nickname...'Octopus Lips".

[Kargan3033]

You really gotta be desperate for love if you consider being face-raped by a facehugger to be affection...

Or are into HARD CORE french kissing.

Which also gives a whole new meaning to the old saying, " Nothing says loving like a bun in the oven. "

Reminds me of BattleAngel Alita's nickname...'Octopus Lips".

Really, can't say I have heard of this before, why is she a Neckron?

[SRoss]

"Normally, the bow of a ship like this would be made from six metre thick slabs of super dense metal."

"What have we got?"

"An eighth of a millimeter of drywall."

[taalismn]

[


Really, can't say I have heard of this before, why is she a Neckron?

No, just puffy lips. In an VR trap, where Destry Nova puts Alita through a repeat of her 'childhood' with Ido, he inserts himself as Ido's partner, and suggests giving the just-discovered Alita(basically just a head and torso), a radical octopus cyborg body. He doesn't say because it matches her lips, but because he's Destry Nova, Mad Scientist. Ironically, it's almost Nova who gets brainwashed, since he gets to share a moment of tenderness with Alita(and it's the only time we see him without his zany technoglasses....deliberately so, so we see him maskless).

[Kargan3033]

[


Really, can't say I have heard of this before, why is she a Neckron?

No, just puffy lips. In an VR trap, where Destry Nova puts Alita through a repeat of her 'childhood' with Ido, he inserts himself as Ido's partner, and suggests giving the just-discovered Alita(basically just a head and torso), a radical octopus cyborg body. He doesn't say because it matches her lips, but because he's Destry Nova, Mad Scientist. Ironically, it's almost Nova who gets brainwashed, since he gets to share a moment of tenderness with Alita(and it's the only time we see him without his zany technoglasses....deliberately so, so we see him maskless).

So that's who's been raiding my stash!

[taalismn]

Nah, Nova's addicted to flan. Not any particular flavor...just flan.
That, and he's addicted to mutilating people in the name of karma.

[Kargan3033]

Nah, Nova's addicted to flan. Not any particular flavor...just flan.
That, and he's addicted to mutilating people in the name of karma.

But the thing is I had grown a bach of Flan crossed with Cannabis and Flower Of Life for *resreach perpouses* and he swiped it which means things are going to be how shall we say *Intresting* for the foreseeable future.

you know I think I'll cross some Flan with Insainty Peppers and send him a nice Christmas gift, that'll teach that little theiving bastard!

[taalismn]

We really do NOT need an even more unstable Destry Nova loose in the megaverse. Hoping to drive him so far around the bend that he would be shocked to sanity is too slim a chance it would succeed, and too rife with fatal failure.
(This is not to say that there were NOT sane Destry Novas....the end of Battle Angel Alita saw Nova spawn multiple clones of himself, including a number of 'flash clones' who suffered replicant error and a had a generally lower level of intelligence and emotional fortitudem ranging from childlike to vegetative...the more dominant interation used his less capable siblings as decoys to throw off pursuit, and finally as experimental animals when he ran out of other people to dissect. At least one of them finally turned on him and recruited Doc Ido to help , and it's implied afterwards that the clone became a productive member of society).

[Kargan3033]

We really do NOT need an even more unstable Destry Nova loose in the megaverse. Hoping to drive him so far around the bend that he would be shocked to sanity is too slim a chance it would succeed, and too rife with fatal failure.
(This is not to say that there were NOT sane Destry Novas....the end of Battle Angel Alita saw Nova spawn multiple clones of himself, including a number of 'flash clones' who suffered replicant error and a had a generally lower level of intelligence and emotional fortitudem ranging from childlike to vegetative...the more dominant interation used his less capable siblings as decoys to throw off pursuit, and finally as experimental animals when he ran out of other people to dissect. At least one of them finally turned on him and recruited Doc Ido to help , and it's implied afterwards that the clone became a productive member of society).

And you says this as if it's a bad thing why?

[taalismn]

We really do NOT need an even more unstable Destry Nova loose in the megaverse. Hoping to drive him so far around the bend that he would be shocked to sanity is too slim a chance it would succeed, and too rife with fatal failure.
(This is not to say that there were NOT sane Destry Novas....the end of Battle Angel Alita saw Nova spawn multiple clones of himself, including a number of 'flash clones' who suffered replicant error and a had a generally lower level of intelligence and emotional fortitudem ranging from childlike to vegetative...the more dominant interation used his less capable siblings as decoys to throw off pursuit, and finally as experimental animals when he ran out of other people to dissect. At least one of them finally turned on him and recruited Doc Ido to help , and it's implied afterwards that the clone became a productive member of society).

And you says this as if it's a bad thing why?

I LIKE having my brain in my intact skull, thank you!

[Kargan3033]

We really do NOT need an even more unstable Destry Nova loose in the megaverse. Hoping to drive him so far around the bend that he would be shocked to sanity is too slim a chance it would succeed, and too rife with fatal failure.
(This is not to say that there were NOT sane Destry Novas....the end of Battle Angel Alita saw Nova spawn multiple clones of himself, including a number of 'flash clones' who suffered replicant error and a had a generally lower level of intelligence and emotional fortitudem ranging from childlike to vegetative...the more dominant interation used his less capable siblings as decoys to throw off pursuit, and finally as experimental animals when he ran out of other people to dissect. At least one of them finally turned on him and recruited Doc Ido to help , and it's implied afterwards that the clone became a productive member of society).

And you says this as if it's a bad thing why?

I LIKE having my brain in my intact skull, thank you!

I guess no one ever told you that you needed some sense knocked into you?

With Judge Dread working at MCHS#69 he gives a whole new meaning to the term " Hitting the books "

[taalismn]

Hitting SOMEBODY with the books, indeed.
Doesn't help they're printed on steel sheets, bound with industrial anchor chain.

[Kargan3033]

Hitting SOMEBODY with the books, indeed.
Doesn't help they're printed on steel sheets, bound with industrial anchor chain.

Oh is that all?
Back in my day when we *Hit By The Books " the books were made of foot thick neutrouim plates with dura steel bindings, damn kids these days of weak, no wonder why the world is going to the Black Hells.

Heh! just had the funny mental image of the comic book verison of Judge Dread as a crotchty old man in a retirment home.

Granny Squad Repentas?

[taalismn]

[

Heh! just had the funny mental image of the comic book verison of Judge Dread as a crotchty old man in a retirment home.

Granny Squad Repentas?

Nah, it's implied in canon that Judge Dredd has cancer, and he knows he's dying, but is determined to spend the rest of days serving the Law, even though he figures the days of the Judges are coming to an end, and a newer age is dawning(at least that was where last I'd left it). Dredd's not going to retire; he'll go out in his prime, serving Arrest and Sentence all in one stroke).

[Kargan3033]

[

Heh! just had the funny mental image of the comic book verison of Judge Dread as a crotchty old man in a retirment home.

Granny Squad Repentas?

Nah, it's implied in canon that Judge Dredd has cancer, and he knows he's dying, but is determined to spend the rest of days serving the Law, even though he figures the days of the Judges are coming to an end, and a newer age is dawning(at least that was where last I'd left it). Dredd's not going to retire; he'll go out in his prime, serving Arrest and Sentence all in one stroke).

Really sounds right grim and proper, I read a couple of JD books that came out in the late 80's early 90's they were pretty good.

[taalismn]

"WE're 'Pathfinders', right?"
"Yes.\?"
"That suggests that somebody will come after us, we having blazed a path. Right? Somebody's following us, right?"
"Not necessarily. the expectation may be that we chose the wrong path."

[Kargan3033]

"WE're 'Pathfinders', right?"
"Yes.\?"
"That suggests that somebody will come after us, we having blazed a path. Right? Somebody's following us, right?"
"Not necessarily. the expectation may be that we chose the wrong path."

Or maybe the ones that are coming after them might not be the ones they want coming after them.

And the univerce proves once again that it is an ironic bastrad when the UEEF run out of protoculture and find the SDF-3 lost with all ands and then to their horror they find that the Gargoyle *Might Have * had an exspermental protoculturee matrix on borad and so begin a mad scramble to find the 2088th what the few ships they have that are barely space worthy with the fate of the human race at stake.

[taalismn]

[

Or maybe the ones that are coming after them might not be the ones they want coming after them.

And the univerce proves once again that it is an ironic bastrad when the UEEF run out of protoculture and find the SDF-3 lost with all ands and then to their horror they find that the Gargoyle *Might Have * had an exspermental protoculturee matrix on borad and so begin a mad scramble to find the 2088th what the few ships they have that are barely space worthy with the fate of the human race at stake.

"Well, we're kinda hoping the Gargoyle will lead the Haydonites on a wild goose chase. If we're really lucky, they'll lead them into a black hole."

[Kargan3033]

[

Or maybe the ones that are coming after them might not be the ones they want coming after them.

And the univerce proves once again that it is an ironic bastrad when the UEEF run out of protoculture and find the SDF-3 lost with all ands and then to their horror they find that the Gargoyle *Might Have * had an exspermental protoculturee matrix on borad and so begin a mad scramble to find the 2088th what the few ships they have that are barely space worthy with the fate of the human race at stake.

"Well, we're kinda hoping the Gargoyle will lead the Haydonites on a wild goose chase. If we're really lucky, they'll lead them into a black hole."

You're an optimist 'arnt you, this is the 2088th we're talking about if any thing it would only make thing all the worst for the UEEF if the haydonites get involved, if the Skynet toasters from hell had any common sense they would stay the hell out of the sittuation and let the UEEF run themselves into the ground trying to find the Gargoyle.

[taalismn]

WEll, yes, the way things are going, it's entirely possible the Gargoyle could lead the Haydonites to the Eye of Terror...even if that body doesn't appear in the Robotech universe.

[Kargan3033]

WEll, yes, the way things are going, it's entirely possible the Gargoyle could lead the Haydonites to the Eye of Terror...even if that body doesn't appear in the Robotech universe.

Fold Drives the ultimite plot device.

[taalismn]

WEll, yes, the way things are going, it's entirely possible the Gargoyle could lead the Haydonites to the Eye of Terror...even if that body doesn't appear in the Robotech universe.

Fold Drives the ultimite plot device.

"THE WARP REJECTS YOU! JUST TAKE YOUR PATHETICNESS AND GO!!!!!"
"--on the plus side, that's the fastest Fold we've ever pulled."

[Kargan3033]

WEll, yes, the way things are going, it's entirely possible the Gargoyle could lead the Haydonites to the Eye of Terror...even if that body doesn't appear in the Robotech universe.

Fold Drives the ultimite plot device.

"THE WARP REJECTS YOU! JUST TAKE YOUR PATHETICNESS AND GO!!!!!"
"--on the plus side, that's the fastest Fold we've ever pulled."

You know you are lower then pound scum when the warp it'self rejects you.

[taalismn]

"I'm pretty sure the fabric of space/time isn't supposed to go 'BOING' when you try going through it."
"Nor is it supposed to go "EEE-YUCK! P-TUI!'"

[Kargan3033]

"I'm pretty sure the fabric of space/time isn't supposed to go 'BOING' when you try going through it."
"Nor is it supposed to go "EEE-YUCK! P-TUI!'"

Don't worry about it, the Pathfinders are use to rejection.