RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri May 13, 2016 7:31 pm

Jones: "Miss Sterling...QUIT HAUNTING US!"
Aurora Sterling: ".....damn it.....i finally find a place to manifest an ectoplasmic glow and they're banning me :nh:

..."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sun May 15, 2016 11:11 pm

Aurora's Unnamed Little Brother: "At least someone knows who you are..." :nh:

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon May 16, 2016 8:21 pm

Coulda been worse....at least somebody SAW her. Her ghostly glow could been lost against the REAL northern lights.
"Ah, in this case, that's the outhouse burning."

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sun May 29, 2016 6:32 pm

taalismn wrote:Coulda been worse....at least somebody SAW her. Her ghostly glow could been lost against the REAL northern lights.
"Ah, in this case, that's the outhouse burning."

Vanitch: :eek:

"MY TOILET PAPER EMPIRE!!!" :eek:

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun May 29, 2016 7:45 pm

"Now remember, lad, anybody can fish with grenades, but ice fishing with rocket launchers takes finesse...there's an art to it."
"Right...the refraction of the water, and making sure the backblast doesn't melt the ice behind yu."
"Right you are, lad! And be careful of things sneaking up outside your sight's arc of vision. Grenades are omnidirectional, rockets have to hit precisely, more or less. "

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sun May 29, 2016 10:30 pm

taalismn wrote:"Now remember, lad, anybody can fish with grenades, but ice fishing with rocket launchers takes finesse...there's an art to it."
"Right...the refraction of the water, and making sure the backblast doesn't melt the ice behind yu."
"Right you are, lad! And be careful of things sneaking up outside your sight's arc of vision. Grenades are omnidirectional, rockets have to hit precisely, more or less. "

Ice Kraken: "Now remember son, anyone can fish Sea Shepherds and Spetznas, it takes real skill to fish for IceGuard."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun May 29, 2016 10:47 pm

SRoss wrote:[

Ice Kraken: "Now remember son, anyone can fish Sea Shepherds and Spetznas, it takes real skill to fish for IceGuard."

IG Sergeant: "I just got that tinge that tells me...we're being hunted...."
IG Corporal: "I just felt the same thing."
IGS: "Good lad, you're learning...."

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Mon May 30, 2016 12:05 pm

taalismn wrote:
SRoss wrote:[

Ice Kraken: "Now remember son, anyone can fish Sea Shepherds and Spetznas, it takes real skill to fish for IceGuard."

IG Sergeant: "I just got that tinge that tells me...we're being hunted...."
IG Corporal: "I just felt the same thing."
IGS: "Good lad, you're learning...."

Ice Kraken: "First, the attractant."

IG Corporal: "I smell fresh coffee. REAL COFFEE!" :fl:

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon May 30, 2016 7:46 pm

SRoss wrote:[

Ice Kraken: "First, the attractant."

IG Corporal: "I smell fresh coffee. REAL COFFEE!"

IG Sergeant: "Old Slimey's gettin' more cunning. I almost lost the newbie. Next time we take nose plugs."
IG Base Duty Nurse: "Well, the good news is the hypothermia isn't severe. He'll survive."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Mon May 30, 2016 11:34 pm

Flyer posted in IceGuard HQ: BEWARE OF UNATTENDED COFFEE CUPS LYING AROUND OUTSIDE THE BASE.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue May 31, 2016 12:26 am

Arnie100 wrote:Flyer posted in IceGuard HQ: BEWARE OF UNATTENDED COFFEE CUPS LYING AROUND OUTSIDE THE BASE.

Likewise unclaimed spliffs, joints, brownies, and milkshakes.

batlchip · Unread post by **batlchip** » Tue May 31, 2016 6:32 am

taalismn wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:Flyer posted in IceGuard HQ: BEWARE OF UNATTENDED COFFEE CUPS LYING AROUND OUTSIDE THE BASE.

Likewise unclaimed spliffs, joints, brownies, and milkshakes.

Pizza,steaks ,and for you really bored males certain plastic animals.

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Tue May 31, 2016 11:09 am

Arnie100 wrote:Flyer posted in IceGuard HQ: BEWARE OF UNATTENDED COFFEE CUPS LYING AROUND OUTSIDE THE BASE.

Jones: (Soaking wet, covered in sucker marks) "Don't ask..."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue May 31, 2016 5:45 pm

SRoss wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:Flyer posted in IceGuard HQ: BEWARE OF UNATTENDED COFFEE CUPS LYING AROUND OUTSIDE THE BASE.

Jones: (Soaking wet, covered in sucker marks) "Don't ask..."

The sheer amount of animal tranquilizers and stimulants in what Jones considers a beverage makes biting him and sucking his blood a very dangerous proposition for any critter.
The sport used to be smuggling mosquitos from the Warm and releasing them in his office just to watch them explode after biting him. The practice ceased when it was deemed too cruel to the 'skeeters, and Jones was complaining about people tossing firecrackers around his office. The ticks suffered a similar fate, but the real problem was the burn marks they were leaving in the furniture and clothing.

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Tue May 31, 2016 9:41 pm

Ice Kracken: "Of course son, for the generation the grew up during the Invid Occupation, you need a different lure."

Believer: "I smell ALPO." :fl:

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Wed Jun 01, 2016 5:42 pm

New flyer posted in IceGuard HQ: BEWARE OF UNATTENDED DONUTS AND OTHER PASTRIES LYING AROUND OUTSIDE THE BASE.

IceGuard Trooper: (Reading flyer) "So what happens if I eat this unattended donut?" (Fails to notice the large tentacle sneaking up on him)

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Jun 01, 2016 7:33 pm

Ice Guard Trooper drops a grenade through a hole in the ice.
Doesn't see it arc up out of a hole behind him a few seconds later, until it comes over his shoulder and lands in his hand.
He looks at it in bewilderment before suddenly freaking and throwing it wildly away from him...
It lands in his SnoCat a few yards away.....

)I GOTTA see if Rathorc ever did any Giant Squid for After the Bomb.....might be fun to create a KrystalSquid RCC for Rifts(since I can't do a stat RCC for Robotech)).

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Thu Jun 02, 2016 12:38 am

IceGuard Trooper #1: "DON'T TOUCH THAT DONUT!!!"
IceGuard Trooper #2: "Its a donut! What could possi -- " (Disappears as a tentacle grabs him)
IceGuard Trooper #1: :shock:

batlchip · Unread post by **batlchip** » Thu Jun 02, 2016 1:17 pm

(In the back ground) baa?

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Thu Jun 02, 2016 3:30 pm

IceGuard Trooper: "Who keeps leaving all this food and drink around? (Spotting a box of pizza and a case of beer) Hellllloooo...AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!"

(Meanwhile...)

Ice Kraken: "I GOT A BIG ONE!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 02, 2016 4:07 pm

batlchip wrote:(In the back ground) baa?

Sheep may be the ONLY fauna around Ice Guard Base that isn't actively trying to kill anybody...

"You're thinking New Zealand and ANTarctica, you damned idjit!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 02, 2016 4:10 pm

Arnie100 wrote:IceGuard Trooper: "Who keeps leaving all this food and drink around? (Spotting a box of pizza and a case of beer) Hellllloooo...AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!"

(Meanwhile...)

Ice Kraken: "I GOT A BIG ONE!"

(Discovers it to be a mannequin stuffed with a 'Rockwell Special')
"Uh-o-"

Twitch: "Unlike what you've been told, ice-fishing with explosives -IS- an art form."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Thu Jun 02, 2016 4:51 pm

Ice Kraken: :shock:

(Throws it back in the direction where it came from)

(At IceGuard HQ, Twitch notices the incoming mannequin)

Twitch: :shock:

"Oh, S**T!!!!!"

(Meanwhile...)

Ice Kraken Son: "What happened to our food?"
Ixe Kraken: "I threw it back. It looked rough and hard to eat."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 02, 2016 5:28 pm

Arnie100 wrote:
Ice Kraken Son: "What happened to our food?"
Ixe Kraken: "I threw it back. It looked rough and hard to eat."

"Too hot for my taste buds."

"Thermite burns again, Rockwell?"
"Just give me the painkillers, Doc."

batlchip · Unread post by **batlchip** » Thu Jun 02, 2016 8:22 pm

Ummm...those are not pain pills.they were exlax pills

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Thu Jun 02, 2016 9:52 pm

batlchip wrote:Ummm...those are not pain pills.they were ex lax pills

"You gave Twitch ex lax? He eats in the cafeteria!!!"

(Slapping the panic button) "EVACUATE THE INFIRMARY! REPEAT! EVACUATE THE INFIRMARY! NOW!!!"

Cut to the exterior, a building with a prominent red cross explodes...

Passing EBSIS Pilot: "WHAT! I had my safety on, REALLY!"

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Thu Jun 02, 2016 10:56 pm

Ice Kraken: "That was just..." :shock:

Ice Kraken Son: "NASTY."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 03, 2016 9:27 pm

SRoss wrote:
Passing EBSIS Pilot: "WHAT! I had my safety on, REALLY!"

IceGuard Phalanx Destroid Trooper:"...target that commie pinkie bastard....full volley."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Fri Jun 03, 2016 10:07 pm

Falling EBSIS Pilot: "AAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!"

(Tentacle reaches up and grabs him)

Ice Kraken: "Now that's what I call delivery."
Ice Kraken Son: "Mmmmmm..." :fl:

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 03, 2016 10:27 pm

EBSIS Base Commander: "Apparently Command didn't see fit to equip our bail-out survival kits with giant squid repellent."
"Sir, with all due respect, what DOES repel giant squid?"

IG Trooper 1: "Why the hell did you just toss a perfectly good waterproof MP3 player under the ice?!"
IG Trooper 2: "It's all in good cause."

"We will win this final battle-"
Ice Kraken: "IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! FLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Fri Jun 03, 2016 10:47 pm

Ice Kraken: "Thank goodness for earplugs. That noise was HORRIBLE."
Ice Kraken Son: "I'm still hungry."
Ice Kraken: "We'll put out some vodka bottles and see what happens."

(Later...)

EBSIS Trooper #1: "Vas iz dat? Free vodka?"
EBSIS Trooper #2: "NNNNYYYEEETT!!!!"
EBSIS Trooper #1: "Vat? It's just vo --" (Suddenly grabbed by tentacle)
EBSIS Trooper #2: :shock:

"Vell, should've listened." (Hi-fives tentacle and starts drinking the vodka)

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 03, 2016 11:06 pm

Arnie100 wrote:Ice Kraken: "Thank goodness for earplugs. That noise was HORRIBLE."
Ice Kraken Son: "I'm still hungry."
Ice Kraken: "We'll put out some vodka bottles and see what happens.")

"Wait, do kraken, or even squid for that matter, even HAVE external ears to plug?"
"DON'T THINK ABOUT IT! DON'T THINK ABOUT IT! DON'T-"
"AIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

IG Trooper 1: "What's that popping noise?"
IG Trooper 2: "The importance of ignorance manifesting itself as self-consciousness becomes self-destruction."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Mon Jun 06, 2016 11:46 pm

Ice Kraken Son: "Daddy, what if we put out one of those porn magazines with the other bait?"
Ice Kraken: "Hhhhmmmm..."

(Later, IceGuard HQ)

IceGuard Trooper: "What's this?! Pizza and beer?! Not falling for that again! THIS on the other hand (picking up porn magazine)...is more to my li -- AAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!" (Grabbed by tentacle)

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Tue Jun 07, 2016 12:58 am

Arnie100 wrote:Ice Kraken Son: "Daddy, what if we put out one of those porn magazines with the other bait?"
Ice Kraken: "Hhhhmmmm..."

(Later, IceGuard HQ)

IceGuard Trooper: "What's this?! Pizza and beer?! Not falling for that again! THIS on the other hand (picking up porn magazine)...is more to my li -- AAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!" (Grabbed by tentacle)

Of course it was a Tentacle porn magazine. :wink:

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Tue Jun 07, 2016 3:38 pm

SRoss wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:Ice Kraken Son: "Daddy, what if we put out one of those porn magazines with the other bait?"
Ice Kraken: "Hhhhmmmm..."

(Later, IceGuard HQ)

IceGuard Trooper: "What's this?! Pizza and beer?! Not falling for that again! THIS on the other hand (picking up porn magazine)...is more to my li -- AAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!" (Grabbed by tentacle)

Of course it was a Tentacle porn magazine.

Ice Kraken: "What? It was all I had! It worked, didn't it? I got me a human!"

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Tue Jun 07, 2016 4:40 pm

Arnie100 wrote:
SRoss wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:Ice Kraken Son: "Daddy, what if we put out one of those porn magazines with the other bait?"
Ice Kraken: "Hhhhmmmm..."

(Later, IceGuard HQ)

IceGuard Trooper: "What's this?! Pizza and beer?! Not falling for that again! THIS on the other hand (picking up porn magazine)...is more to my li -- AAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!" (Grabbed by tentacle)

Of course it was a Tentacle porn magazine.

Ice Kraken: "What? It was all I had! It worked, didn't it? I got me a human!"

"It was autographed by Lancer."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Tue Jun 07, 2016 4:48 pm

Lancer:

"I was young and I was in college. I SWEAR."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jun 07, 2016 5:17 pm

Arnie100 wrote:[
Ice Kraken: "What? It was all I had! It worked, didn't it? I got me a human!"

"Sir, one of those Innsmouth transfers disappeared."
"The Dagon-worshippers?"
"Yeah, through a hole in the ice."
"Huh...I believe the betting was favoring 'freeze to death', not 'desert into open water'."
"More like 'dessert', sir. He was seen being grabbed by a kraken."
"What were the odds on 'death by irony'?"
"Pretty long, sir."

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Thu Jun 16, 2016 11:36 pm

Jones: "Deploy the Kraken repellent...."

Avakuh Khan-Shung sits down by a hole in the ice singing and sharpening his knife...

Ice Kraken: "Maybe we'll try our luck further south." :erm:

Later in the Captain's Head on the Typhon...

Morgan: "RUM AND PORN! AAAIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 17, 2016 7:41 pm

SRoss wrote:Jones: "Deploy the Kraken repellent...."

Avakuh Khan-Shung sits down by a hole in the ice singing and sharpening his knife...

Ice Kraken: "Maybe we'll try our luck further south."

Later in the Captain's Head on the Typhon...

Morgan: "RUM AND PORN! AAAIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!"

Avakuh Khan-Shung

: "I was really hoping to get to kill something."
Mi-Go(rearing up from behind some ice boulders and leveling its ray-caster): "Takka-li!"
Avakuh Khan-Shung :angel:

: "Thank you."

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sat Jun 18, 2016 10:22 am

taalismn wrote:
SRoss wrote:Jones: "Deploy the Kraken repellent...."

Avakuh Khan-Shung sits down by a hole in the ice singing and sharpening his knife...

Ice Kraken: "Maybe we'll try our luck further south."

Later in the Captain's Head on the Typhon...

Morgan: "RUM AND PORN! AAAIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!"

Avakuh Khan-Shung : "I was really hoping to get to kill something."
Mi-Go(rearing up from behind some ice boulders and leveling its ray-caster): "Takka-li!"
Avakuh Khan-Shung : "Thank you."

Beyond the Mountains of Madness...
Elder Thing: "Even we know better then to mess with a Gurka..." :roll:

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sat Jun 18, 2016 1:06 pm

THINGS HEARD ON THE BASE LATE AT NIGHT

Jasmine: "Sooo, what do you want for this Ark of the Covenant?"

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sat Jun 18, 2016 3:19 pm

THINGS HEARD ON THE BASE LATE AT NIGHT

IceGuard Trooper: "I came in like a wrecking ball...I never hit so hard in love...All I wanted was to break your walls...All you ever did was wreck me...Yeah, you, you wreck me..."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Jun 18, 2016 8:17 pm

Arnie100 wrote:
THINGS HEARD ON THE BASE LATE AT NIGHT

IceGuard Trooper: "I came in like a wrecking ball...I never hit so hard in love...All I wanted was to break your walls...All you ever did was wreck me...Yeah, you, you wreck me..."

This...just before the ice boulder comes smashing through his door....

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sat Jun 18, 2016 9:06 pm

taalismn wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:
THINGS HEARD ON THE BASE LATE AT NIGHT

IceGuard Trooper: "I came in like a wrecking ball...I never hit so hard in love...All I wanted was to break your walls...All you ever did was wreck me...Yeah, you, you wreck me..."

This...just before the ice boulder comes smashing through his door....

(Infirmary, IceGuard HQ)

IceGuard Medic: "What happened to YOU?"
IceGuard Trooper: "Well...I was singing Wrecking Ball when an ice boulder came smashing through my door..."
IceGuard Medic: :shock:

"There IS a God..."

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sat Jun 18, 2016 9:59 pm

Arnie100 wrote:
taalismn wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:
THINGS HEARD ON THE BASE LATE AT NIGHT

IceGuard Trooper: "I came in like a wrecking ball...I never hit so hard in love...All I wanted was to break your walls...All you ever did was wreck me...Yeah, you, you wreck me..."

This...just before the ice boulder comes smashing through his door....

(Infirmary, IceGuard HQ)

IceGuard Medic: "What happened to YOU?"
IceGuard Trooper: "Well...I was singing Wrecking Ball when an ice boulder came smashing through my door..."
IceGuard Medic: "There IS a God..."

Over in the Destroid hanger...
Grimes: "It really was a go job for the Snow job!" :lol:

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Jun 18, 2016 10:05 pm

Yeah, they've had plenty of time to modify the heavy-duty snowblowers into ice-COMPACTORS and catapults.
The motorpool mechanics essentially ENDED snowball fights after that because NOBODY dared take them on.

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sun Jun 19, 2016 4:58 pm

THINGS HEARD ON THE BASE LATE AT NIGHT

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtan (In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu lies dreaming.)"
"Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn (Yes! Yes! Cthulhu dreams!)"
"Cthulhu R'lyeh fhtagn (Cthulhu dreams in R'lyeh)"

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sun Jun 19, 2016 6:30 pm

Arnie100 wrote:
THINGS HEARD ON THE BASE LATE AT NIGHT

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtan (In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu lies dreaming.)"
"Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn (Yes! Yes! Cthulhu dreams!)"
"Cthulhu R'lyeh fhtagn (Cthulhu dreams in R'lyeh)"

Secundo: (Wearing a bath towel) "This isn't the Women's Showers...."

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sun Jun 19, 2016 7:09 pm

THINGS HEARD ON THE BASE LATE AT NIGHT

"It's weird. Yandere-chan said she wanted to meet me in the gym equipment locker to talk about Shinji. Next thing I know, I wake up here!"