RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

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SRoss
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

Don't forget the long range sniping with the Strike pack's double-barreled Particle Beam Cannon.
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Because We Really Need Aviation Experts:

*Corporal Samuel ‘Fossil’ Fausolini(original series Ice Guard)---An accident with a neural-control helmet zorched this promising veritech pilot’s chance of being assigned to an elite squadron like Skull or the Wolfpack. Fausolini is perfectly fine outside of an aircraft, but slipping in and synching with a veritech, he begins to think and act like he’s a giant bird of prey, or an ancient flying dinosaur, complete with screeching calls. He got shipped to Ice Guard as a ‘favor’ from his previous commanding officer who wanted to give Sammy Fausolini one last go with a combat squadron before he got turfed from the service. SnowBall Squadron, hard up for skilled pilots, took him. Fausolini’s proven himself time and time again, behind the controls of his VF-1J(later upgraded to VF-1R), in the unpredictable weather of the Deep North. There was, however, that incident with the female Arctic Roc....


*Lieutenant Anthony ‘Pappy’ Fusco(original series Ice Guard)---Former fighter pilot, washed out for health reasons, but managed to continue flying as a member of Search and Rescue, where the speed and g-forces are slower and lower. The stress of flying SAR missions in the aftermath of the Rain of Death would be enough to unhinge anybody, but it wasn’t that that got Tony Fusco canned. Instead, it was his violent refusal to bow to the bigoted orders of a much younger superior officer NOT to render aide to Zentraedi refugees. Lieutenant Commander Fusco got booted down two whole grades in rank and the boot to Ice Guard. Fusco was almost immediately tapped to head Ice Guard’s icecap SAR. Fusco’s adapted well to rescuing people from the hostile White, in the worst of weather, and his crew of diligent pilots and first responders, despite their personal problems and quirks, could be considered some of the best(if unsung) hostile climate SAR specialists in the UEDF. Despite his age, Fusco remains spry and energetic, and nobody begrudges him calling those he rescues ‘kiddo’. It was Fusco who insisted on converting several Bioroid Hovercraft into anti-gravity SAR platforms, and on utilizing at least one Bioroid as a rescue mecha.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
SRoss
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

taalismn wrote:*Corporal Samuel ‘Fossil’ Fausolini(original series Ice Guard)---An accident with a neural-control helmet zorched this promising veritech pilot’s chance of being assigned to an elite squadron like Skull or the Wolfpack. Fausolini is perfectly fine outside of an aircraft, but slipping in and synching with a veritech, he begins to think and act like he’s a giant bird of prey, or an ancient flying dinosaur, complete with screeching calls. He got shipped to Ice Guard as a ‘favor’ from his previous commanding officer who wanted to give Sammy Fausolini one last go with a combat squadron before he got turfed from the service. SnowBall Squadron, hard up for skilled pilots, took him. Fausolini’s proven himself time and time again, behind the controls of his VF-1J(later upgraded to VF-1R), in the unpredictable weather of the Deep North. There was, however, that incident with the female Arctic Roc....


Major Jones and senior Flight Deck Tech finished reviewing Fausolini's battle camera footage.

Jones: :shock: "Ok, I'm going back to my office, and in five minutes we're booth going to agree we never saw this. In the meantime, please take this recording and drop it in the nearest convenient hole in the ice."
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glitterboy2098
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by glitterboy2098 »

given thinkingcaps aren't canon.. that must have been one heck of a research program he was involved with..
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

glitterboy2098 wrote:given thinkingcaps aren't canon.. that must have been one heck of a research program he was involved with..


Laslo Zand: "Now, ziss vil only hurt terribly." :twisted:
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

glitterboy2098 wrote:given thinkingcaps aren't canon.. that must have been one heck of a research program he was involved with..


The UEDF doesn't like to talk about it....Classified, brain-bleach level.


Frankly, though, in my campaigns, given the way research is going in real world, I made thinkingcaps fan-canon.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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taalismn
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

SRoss wrote:[Major Jones and senior Flight Deck Tech finished reviewing Fausolini's battle camera footage.
i]"



Okay, going to need to give the FDT a name and background...
Maybe I should set up a Random Roll Chart for Reason You're At Ice Guard?
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
User avatar
taalismn
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Morning at Ice Guard: Major Jones' office. Cut to view of several large filing cabinets, seen end on.)
*Sound of buzzing. Cuts off*
One of the cabinet drawers pulls out, but we can't actually see inside it.
A bare arm snakes out, opens up a drawer next to it, pulls out a long fluffy robe and slippers, shuts it, pulls back into the first drawer, which closes.
Sound of running water comes from the next cabinet in line, and STEAM begins rising from the drawers, There's the sound of muffled singing. Sound of water stops.
Next cabinet begins shaking to the sound of moving metal on metal, and fabric swishing.
Finally a cloud of steam emerges from the end of the row of cabinets, and Major Jones' secretary emerges, fully dressed, toweling off her hair, and headed for the administration wing breakroom and kitchenette.
POV swings over to reveal Major Jones, coffee mug in hand, having seen all this.
Major Jones: :| "Three hours schlepping the things into place, and she turns them condo."
Last edited by taalismn on Thu Jan 08, 2015 11:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
SRoss
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Location: Vernon, ON. Canada
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

taalismn wrote:
SRoss wrote:Of course you realize when one of the Gura-Invid Lisa's finally stumbles in to the IceGuard, she's now destined to choose Tolliver as her perfect mate... :roll:

Not Necessarily Canon, But Not Necessarily a Dream Sequence Either... :P

At Last! We have found our perfect mate!” The gray-skinned brunette with the glowing green eyes smiled the smile of a predator that has finally run her prey to ground. “Our plans may now move to fruition! Come, my handmaidens, and greet our new consort!
Out of the shadows of the inner hive appeared over a dozen women. Tolliver recognized several of them; missing UEEF or Resistance fighters that had vanished over the past several months. All of them were young and healthy, a fact made evident by the fact that not a one among them wore a stitch of clothing. They also all possessed glowing green eyes and a very....eager... look as they gazed at him.
You, Toll-a-ver, will impregnate myself and all these others! Together we will engender a new hybrid species of unparalleled strength and vigor!
Tolliver gulped. “And if I don’t...?
I feed you to my OTHER children. You will make them strong and vigorous regardless.
There came the clacking of sharp mandibles behind him.
How do I get myself into these things...?:cry:


Suddenly the wall of the Hive burst inward as a hoard of Norca burst in. A girl in a MDC bikini and fur cloak, astride the biggest Norca, pointed her spear at the Hive Queen's chest...

Private Naomi Akina: "That there is MY man!!!" :bandit:
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

taalismn wrote:Morning at Ice Guard: Major Jones' office. Cut to view of several large filing cabinets, seen end on.)
*Sound of buzzing. Cuts off*
One of the cabinet drawers pulls out, but we can't actually see inside it.
A bare arm snakes out, opens up a drawer next to it, pulls out a long fluffy robe and slippers, **** it, pulls back into the first drawer, which closes.
Sound of running water comes from the next cabinet in line, and STEAM begins rising from the drawers, There's the sound of muffled singing. Sound of water stops.
Next cabinet begins shaking to the sound of moving metal on metal, and fabric swishing.
Finally a cloud of steam emerges from the end of the row of cabinets, and Major Jones' secretary emerges, fully dressed, toweling off her hair, and headed for the administration wing breakroom and kitchenette.
POV swings over to reveal Major Jones, coffee mug in hand, having seen all this.
Major Jones: :| "Three hours schlepping the things into place, and she turns them condo."


That's what you get when the daughter of a ninja clan transfers out of the Royal Engineers and becomes a UEDF Yeoman.
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taalismn
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

SRoss wrote:[

That's what you get when the daughter of a ninja clan transfers out of the Royal Engineers and becomes a UEDF Yeoman.


Nah, Vanich is the one who's taken over the filing cabinets. Yeoman Tsuki claimed the ceiling crawlspaces.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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taalismn
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Random Roll Chart: How’d You(Character) End Up At Ice Guard?

“Okay, looking at you ten newbies, I have to ask; which of you are the Whackos, which ones the Psychos, which of you are the Exiles, and which of you thought you were on the plane to the Bahamas?”

The following is a quick chart for rolling up (PC or storyline) characters for First Generation Ice Guard, to give some ideas how the person wound up on the ice.

01-10% Enemy in High Place---Nothing personal, wait, no, it IS personal, never mind.
01-25%-High-ranked UEDF military officer
26-50%-High-ranked UEG politico
51-69%-Corporate Officer
70-79%-Civilian Celebrity
80-00%-Minor Bureaucratic Flunky(with access to organizational tools to pull strings)

11-20% Saw Something You Shouldn’t Have----Now you’ve got to go away.
01-15%-High-ranked UEDF military officer in Compromising Position.
15-25%-High-ranked UEG politico in Compromising Position.
26-35%--Corporate Officer in Compromising Position.
36-40%-Civilian Celebrity in Compromising Position.
45-60%-Government Coverup(bonus points for this and the following if you were an actual PART of the event being covered up).
61-75%-Military Coverup.
76-90%-Corporate Coverup.
95-00%-Minor Bureaucratic Flunky in Compromising Position.

21-30% Scandal---Either you’re the problem or you impolitely pointed out the problem.
01-20%-You’re making everybody else look bad through your sheer zealotry and dedication.
21-40%-You blew the whistle on some powerful people or organizations, and now you have to go away(for your own safety, of course).
41-60%-You publicly humiliated somebody powerful.
61-80%-You gave a bad name to your unit for some misdeed.
81-00%-You were caught in a Compromising Position.

31-40% Insanity---You need to chill out, or else.
01-30%-You’re genuinely insane, but you’re either too valuable to discharge, or not provably crazy enough to get rid of.
31-50%-You’re trying to get a Section 8, but nobody’s buying it.
51-79%-You’re genuinely insane, but everybody else thinks you’re play-acting.
80-00%-You’re really rational, but everybody thinks you’re insane.

41-50% Dangerously(or Habitually) Incompetent----You mean well, but there’s just something keeping you from reaching your full potential(or getting cleanly discharged from the service).
01-20%-Friendly Fire---Your own comrades are in greater danger from you than the enemy.
21-40%-Oxymoronic Professionalism---Somehow, your performance is the antithesis of what your assigned/desired occuption is supposed to be---If a medic, you can’t stand blood, if a pilot, you’re afraid of heights, if a mechanic, you have problems figuring out which end of a screwdriver to use.
41-60%-It involves explosives.
61-70%-It involves a lot of exposed flesh.
71-90%-Comprehension Error---No matter how orders are explained to you, or written out, you somehow manage to follow them in the most UNintended fashion.
91-00%-Darwin Award Candidate---Why you’re not dead already is a puzzle to many.

51-60% Criminal Record-----You were given the choice between demerit/prison time or assignment to Ice Guard.
01-40%-Substance Abuse---Drugs, alcohol, Twinkies, somebody thought a posting to the end of the world would help you dry out.
41-70%-Gang Crime; or organized crime; you were running numbers or a smuggling ring, and sending you to Ice Guard is supposed to break up your racket.
71-00%-White Collar Crime---Embezzling, forgery, fraud, nothing involving bodily harm, but technically theft. Let’s see you try stealing snow and ice.


61-70% Dangerous/Unpopular Ideas----You’re free to pursue free thought and practice free speech, just only away from other people.
01-25%-Scientific Heresy----Academia can be treacherous if you’re backing unorthodox or unpopular ideas.
26-50%-Dangerous Experimentation---You actually put your theories into practice, much to everybody’s dismay. Or else, you’re the RESULT of a dangerous experiment.
51-75%-Political Pariah--You backed the wrong political party or philosophy.
76-00%-Tolerance Problem---The UEDF is SUPPOSED to be race-tolerant, but you got on the wrong side of a bigot. Conversely, you might have said the wrong thing about the Zentraedi in front of a Zentraedi officer of the UEDF.

71-75% Voluntary Committal---You are here because:
01-10%-Wanted solitude, and white cold unpopulated snowscapes appeal to a purist aesthetic.
11-20%-Had personal problems, like a bad relationship, in-laws from hell, or suffocating family ties.
21-30%- Wanted to go where you were most needed! Sir, yes, sir!
31-40%-Easier than suicide.
41-50%-The isolation and the environment are PERFECT for your plans, be it a scientific experiment or your criminal masterplan!
51-60% -Escaping a former employer,
61-70% On the lam from the law or people who the law can’t or won’t touch; they’ll never think to look for you here!
71-80%-Hiding from financial problems; going to the ends of the Earth seemed like a way to escape creditors.
81-90 Challenge! You’ve heard things about the harsh conditions of the Deep North, and you want to test yourself against them! Man against Nature, and you mean to prove you got what it takes to survive!
91-00%-You think a remote outpost in the middle of nowhere is a good place to avoid any actual fighting until your enlistment runs out.

76-84% Accidental---Honest mistakes happen. Sometimes they’re assisted.
01-25%-Paperwork Foul-up. You’ve been mistaken for somebody else or a typo in assignment codes has led to your being assigned to Ice Guard.
26-50%-Assigned to fill a regulation requirement for a particular profession.
51-75%-You didn’t read the fineprint when you accepted the assignment. Especially the part about ‘infinite duration’.
76-00%- Got on the wrong aircraft by mistake.

85-95% Roll Twice. Odds are, if you manage to clean up one mess, the other will keep you stuck at Ice Guard longer.

96-00% Roll Three Times(you poor sod)
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
SRoss
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Location: Vernon, ON. Canada
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

Playing while she showers...

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taalismn
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Blizzard Bounder Bioroid
The Blizzard Bounder is an Ice Guard Bioroid conversion meant to field salvaged Bioroid mecha more quickly when the makings for a Sasquatch conversion are temporarily unavailable. The original plan was to fit the Bioroids with the jetpacks from defunct Nousjadeul-Ger powered armors, trusting in the shared techbase of Tirolian-designed equipment to make connection and control easier. However, scale turned out to be the limiting factor, as in simulation the dimunitive Bioroids fairly GROANED under the encumbrance of the massive jetpacks, and the idea was quickly dropped in favor of reserving the jet units for first-generation destroid conversions. Instead, IG engineers fitted the Bioroids with scavenged and reconditioned thrusters from wrecked Regult battlepods. Even SLMH-fueled, the readily available(even decades after the First Robotech War) and easily-serviced thrusters can propel the lighter Bioroids far (up to 360 ft!) and reliably. Other changes to the Bounders include larger footpads for lower ground pressure and easier traction on ice. Other minor additions to the Bounder include one or two anti-personnel weapons, such as modified FAL-2 laser rifles, M-223 or M-225 machine guns, grenade launchers, or M-27 Mountaineer grapple guns. Some of ‘Barbarossa’ Veton’s men have been known to fasten blades of sharpened MDC metal, or even scavenged Invid claws, tyrant crab claws or gorwhal horns to the outside of the Bioroids’ forearms.
Last edited by taalismn on Tue Jan 13, 2015 9:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
User avatar
taalismn
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Location: Somewhere between Heaven, Hell, and New England

Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

“Major Jones?”
“Yes, Doctor Credon?”
”I’ve established the nature of the space/time anomaly around our area.”
“That’s good to hear! Maybe we can figure out where the hell we are half of the time!”
“Not where, Major Jones, WHEN. There’s a strong TEMPORAL factor in the anomaly.”
“Temporal? Okay...which ice age are we partially in?”
“Ah...the Cryogenian.”
“Ahhh....”
“Roughly 850 to 635 million years ago, sir.”
“Okkkkkaaayyyy, that’s going to play hell with the calenders.”
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
SRoss
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

Meanwhile...

From a set of unremarkable Filing Cabinets...
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taalismn
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

SRoss wrote:Meanwhile...

From a set of unremarkable Filing Cabinets...



Somewhere, somewhen, the Daleks get ahold of a carbon of an Ice Guard annual report, and they choke to death laughing.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
SRoss
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Joined: Mon Dec 26, 2011 6:13 pm
Location: Vernon, ON. Canada
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

Vanich: (Noticing the figure stepping out of one of the filing cabinet) "Oh! Hi Grandfather!" :D

Grandfather: (Waves back) "Morning dear."
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taalismn
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

SRoss wrote:Vanich: (Noticing the figure stepping out of one of the filing cabinet) "Oh! Hi Grandfather!" :D

Grandfather: (Waves back) "Morning dear."



And so it is revealed that the source of all the misery of Mauve Squadron and Ice Guard is thanks to the manipulations of one man/Time Lord....
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
SRoss
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Posts: 4804
Joined: Mon Dec 26, 2011 6:13 pm
Location: Vernon, ON. Canada
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

taalismn wrote:
SRoss wrote:Vanich: (Noticing the figure stepping out of one of the filing cabinet) "Oh! Hi Grandfather!" :D

Grandfather: (Waves back) "Morning dear."



And so it is revealed that the source of all the misery of Mauve Squadron and Ice Guard is thanks to the manipulations of one man/Time Lord....


I thought it was the centuries old Kimchi, Tommy had as a late night snack?
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

SRoss wrote:[

I thought it was the centuries old Kimchi, Tommy had as a late night snack?


No, that's what's causing the continually late release of Robotech: UEEF Marines and the constant delays of the Spaceships book.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
User avatar
taalismn
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Interview Answers:" So Why Are You at Ice Guard?"

"It's my ex's fault. Vindictive witch and her job at the Personnel Office!"

"I used to run the East Side of Detroit before they caught me. It was this or eight years of community service teaching snot-nosed twerps how to paste paper turkeys."

"Nobody told me I COULDN'T make ace shooting down the newbies in my own squadron!"

"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

"I was promised a free vacation time-share in Tahiti if I showed up here."

"The bastards! They called my ideas MAD! And this is how they treat my genius! Those Neanderthals! Imbec-"

"POLAR BEAR WRASTLING! WOO-HOO!!!"

"Never refer to Admiral Gloval's facial hair as a 'pornstache'."
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
User avatar
taalismn
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Location: Somewhere between Heaven, Hell, and New England

Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Ice Guard New Generation Adventure:
“Should Old Acquitance Be Forgot...”

This episode assays a painful flashback when a group of refugees from the Invid arrive, among them a number of military personnel. One of them, the commanding officer of the soldiers, is, though older and more grizzled, a familiar face to Ice Guard; he’s the former second-in-command of The Better(Evil) Rivals, the base adjacent to Ice Guard.
The reunion of sorts with Ice Guard should be cordial at first, with catching up on old times, with sad news on what happened to former rivals related to the time-skipped Ice Guards. The ambitious commander of the The Better(Evil) Rivals did indeed get his/her desired post(commander of armed forces, a governorship, etc.), but only in the chaotic days post-2nd Robotech War, and then only for a brief time, long enough to see his/her command destroyed by Tirolian renegades or the Invid Invasion. The former EO has survived, and in an act of desperation, convinced some ASC comrades to accompany him back to their former arctic base, in hopes of salvaging some of the equipment they mothballed there-only to discover a re-awakened Ice Guard had already picked the base clean.
Then it turns ugly. The former Rival officer has been promoted battlefield-expediant to a rank above Major Jones’ UEDF-assigned rank, and is intent on taking over Ice Guard, with the goal of commanding the Ice Guard forces against the Invid. The man may be older and indeed have the rank, but his position in any formal military command is nearly impossible to verify. Furthermore, the man is clearly mad, from desperation, survivor guilt, and a host of other stress-related problems; turning command over to the man would be a threat to Ice Guard’s established equilibrium(this can be emphasized by his growing comments about how things ‘should be’ run around Ice Guard, such as kicking out various members, or clearly mis-remembered information about various Ice Guard members) and operational security. The man is also increasingly resentful of how Ice Guard ‘waited out’ the real trauma of the Second Robotech War and its aftermath(“Let me tell you, Jones, you got it good up here...real good. To think, while we were dying in the skies over Monument, you were laying back and cooling your heels in your little winter paradise snow-globe up here.”). At best, Ice Guard would be used to launch a series of overt attacks directed against Reflex Point, without proper groundwork, and at worst, Ice Guard’s forces would be used as cannonfodder in suicidal actions against the Invid, while the base facilities are stripped bare by the new commander, and anybody suspected of being a ‘security risk’ is ‘neutralized’.
The situation has to be handled delicately; as insane as the man may be, the former Rival officer DOES have his own cadre of followers and MAY have valuable connections to the Resistance down in the Warm. But Jones isn’t about to turn over Ice Guard to the man, so a showdown of some sort is inevitable. Simply turning the man out into the cold is risky; the ex/new-Rival’s attitude of resentment may turn to all-out hatred(especially if Ice Guard manages to entice most of his entourage into staying) and an alignment-slip of several grades. It’s even possible that, while he returns to fighting the Invid, the ex-Rival may sell out Ice Guard’s existence and location to other groups to force the IG ‘back into the game’, or out of sheer spite. Arranging a fatal ‘accident’ for him is also fraught with risk and moral booby-traps. Major Jones and his staff will have to step carefully and work quickly to counter the threat the ex-Rival represents.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

taalismn wrote:
SRoss wrote:More Mecha of Ice Guard

MBR-11XB (Boosted) Gladius--Because the techs found a Strike back pack and Grundgy was feeling left out.

:lol: :lol: :lol: He'll still try to lead from halfway back from the front(surrounded by ablative subordinates)...and he CERTAINLY will, after enemy mecha have been rendered helpless by the disruptor missiles, 'kick'em while they're down'.


MBR-11XBS (Surprise) Gladius--One of Grundgy's craftier subordinates got tired of suddenly finding herself as Grundgy's meat shield. So she bribed the techs to rig a remote control for his booster pack, allowing her to activate it and steer it to a limited degree from her battloid.
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Ice Guard Mortality Chart

“’Dear Mister and Missus Komakoffski, I regret to inform you that your son Reginald has passed away due to---’---oh, damn it! I can’t tell them he slipped and fell on his own grenade while fishing with explosives! What am I supposed to tell them?!”
“Shade the truth, sir. Let them think he died in honorable service to his country.”
“Ah yes--- ‘died in action during naval operations on the Arctic Ocean’. That sounds better.”

“I thought you said the guys you were sending to take care of our loose end were professionals? This is the fourth one I’ve recognized in the reports back from that godforsaken place who’s been listed as ‘eaten by local wildlife’! Yeah, right! Jones and his crew must have seen every one of your so-called ‘professionals’ the minute they got off the plane! They wouldn’t be offing your ‘specialists’ unless they were protecting something, and that something can only be that they know what we’re after! If I get a call from Jones making me an offer I can’t refuse, I’m holding YOU personally responsible for the fallout!”

Sometimes people die at Ice Guard. Maybe it’s effectively suicide or just dumb luck, but it happens. Whether it’s to determine a nifty narrative background, a quick way of permanently removing a PC from play, or the need for an official explanation for the disappearance of a person, this chart gives some possible exits:
01-12% Didn’t pay attention to the safety warnings and froze to death.
13-15% ‘Friendly’ Fire(01-50% Evil Rivals, 51-00% Fellow Ice Guard).
16-20% Fell through the ice(Steve Rogers Option: might be frozen but still revivable at a future date).
21-25% Equipment Failure(01-50% Explosives, 51-00% Electrical)
In the alternative, died during a Mad Science experiment(50% chance of actually volunteering to take part in it).
26-30% Avalanche(alternatively, ice berg rolled over on them).
31-35% Eaten by local wildlife.
36-37% Eaten by local cannibals(NOT Ice Guard members).
38-40% Carried off by a sudden gust of wind and never seen again.
41-45% Hit by falling piece of space debris.
46-50% Kacked by bandits(01-30% EBSIS, 31-70% Zentraedi Malcontents, 71-00% Other random group).
51-52% Reindeer stampede.
53-55% Impaled on an icicle.
56-58% Accident in the Sauna; Didn’t see the ‘Women Only’ sign(01-50% didn’t see it up, 51-00% saw it but didn’t care). If Female, pruned to death in the steam.
59-61% Alcohol Poisoning.
62-65% Heating Accident: (01-50% Carbon monoxide poisoning, 51-00% space heater fire).
66-70% Food Poisoning; victim of Afterburner Alvarez’s menu experiments.
71-75% Mechanical vehicular failure out over/on the ice.
76-78% Allergic Reaction(01-30% Mildew, 31-70% Fur, 71-00% Other).
79-80% Bored to death(‘Natural Causes’).
81-90% Mutant Wildlife again.
91-94% Ran into some live ordnance left over from a previous war.
95-00% Just wandered off into the White and was never seen again.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Ice Guard Generational Random Generator
So, random character, what generation of Ice Guard are you?
01-50% First Generation---I was with the original screw-ups, with certified 'oddball' or 'loser' stamped on my personnel file, and damned proud of it!. I got EXPERIENCE at being a flake up here in the Deep Cold.
51-85% Second Generation---I joined, post-'time skip'. I may not have the mental baggage or chicanery of the old-time first-generation screw-ups and oddballs, but the Second Robotech War and the Invid have worked their own trauma on me and mine. And some of the other people in my group 'ain't from around these parts', if you catch my drift.
86-00% Third Generation---We're the kids of the 1st or 2nd waves of Ice Guard, coming of age and ready to show what we're made of! Oh, you like my glowing eyes?
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Mad Scientists of Ice Guard:

"Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence- whether much that is glorious- whether all that is profound- does not spring from disease of thought - from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect."
— Edgar Allan Poe, Eleonora

“Well, we’ve either built a cryogenic stasis regeneration and revival chamber...or a giant toaster oven. We won’t know for certain until we put a frozen body inside and fire this sucker up.”

“Care to explain, Doctor, why we’re registering a massive power spike in your quarters every night around twelve PM? Or should we take the momentary suspension of gravity in the adjacent apartments as our answer?”

“Can we have volunteers for a little harmless experiment we’re planning? It’s all perfectly- where’d everybody go?”

*Doktor Allahbel Zomus(original series Ice Guard)---Mad scientist type, with multiple degrees in electrodynamics, quantum physics and industrial chemistry, considered a brilliant mind and shoe-in as one of Doctor Emil Lang’s proteges...at least until after a dinner with another promising Lang student, Lazlo Zand. Afterwards, Zomus’s sanity and self-restraint seemed to come unravelled, and he became known for more and more bizarre scientific proposals and behavior, ultimately resulting in his being dropped from the SDF-3 expedition. He came to Ice Guard supposedly to work on some of his farfetched proprosals, including tapping the Northern Lights for cheap energy, but really it was to get him out of everybody’s hair after he attacked a colleague, accusing him of being an advance spy for an invasion of alien squirrels. The irony is....Doktor Zomus actually SUCCEEDs in tapping the aurora and Earth’s magnetic field to power a cheaper and more efficient way of producing SLMH, solving Ice Guard’s energy problems. The jury’s still out on the squirrel invasion, though....

*Doctor Antonia (“Zero Kelvin”) Koonitz(original series Ice Guard)---Speculative physicist and computer expert, with an interest in quantum computers. The quiet and mousy Koonitz arrived at Ice Guard and remained under everybody’s radar until she attempted to achieve absolute zero in an experiment...and almost froze all of Ice Guard(and potentially the world) solid. “The Zero Lady” is more closely watched since that incident.

*Doctor Pieter Browklow(original series Ice Guard)--- Quantum physicist(yes, physicists seem to go mad with disturbing frequency), who had an accident messing with a Fold Drive core and became deranged(some say he left part of his mind in another dimension, others say something from another dimension ate his sanity, still others say something came BACK in his brain). Not crazy enough to hospitalize, but not sane enough to leave wandering around Doctor Cochrane’s Monument City labs, Browklow was parked at Ice Guard instead where he putters with various experiments. Unfortunately, he ‘putters’ with the fabric of space/time, and his experiments have been blamed for a rash of unusual happenings around the base(sightings of dinosaurs, mysterious rooms, ghostly beings walking through walls, etc.). This merits him extra special attention from Major Jones whenever something REALLY bizarre happens.

*Doctor Renna Minitz(original series Ice Guard)----Medical expert studying suspended animation, cryogenics, and stasis technologies. Came up to Ice Guard when command foisted a science project on Ice Guard, leading to a warehouse module being turned over to what IGs call ‘the Mirror Morgue’ because of the chromed cryogenic canisters in it. Doctor Minitz has also been experimenting with Zentraedi stasis systems salvaged from various wrecks(Doctor Minitiz is also fascinated by how many times Leesa Segundo’s survived freezing solid). While Minitz claims that her experiments have all been on animals, popular rumor is that she’s really watchdogging a consignment of undesirables that have been ‘disappeared’ from the Warm and literally put on ice, even more so than being assigned to Ice Guard already is. Minitz has also collaborated on several experiments with Doctor Koonitz, with regards to the effects of DEEP cold on biological systems, and their team-up has earned them the nickname of the ‘Nitzi Sisters’. In any event, Doctor Smith consults with Doctor Minitz often, especially on emergency medicine cases, requiring the ‘suspending’ and revival of deep trauma patients.

*Doctor Helmut Credon(original series Ice Guard)----Geologist. Supposedly he came up North to search for new terrestrial sources of minerals that the UEG could exploit, but in reality he got on the wrong side of a corporate bigwig for torpedoing one of the latter’s development projects that Helmut was supposed to sign off on. Vowing to teach the meddling egghead a lesson, the executive sqwacked to his buddies in the government and got Credon sent to Ice Guard, while more pliable consultants set to work destroying Credon’s rep down in the Warm. Credon’s not happy with his near-indefinite assigment to the Cold, but doggedly works to keep busy and distracted, and he’s identified a number of mineral deposits that Ice Guard can, or could, exploit. He’s also found some puzzling things about the geological record around Ice Guard that might have driven him mad had he not already spent enough time to know that life at Ice Guard means accepting the bizarre on a regular basis.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Random 2nd Generation Ice Guard Character Charts:

“Okay, let’s see what we got here for my trainee squad- two kaypee officers from a Civil Defense Unit, a Desert Squad corporal with a wooden leg and only one ear, a deserter from Wolff’s old unit who’s changed his mind again about serving, a shell-shocked comm-tech from Jupiter Division, and a ‘master of pool cue martial arts’ named Bubba...My first impression of you is,...polar bear bait.”

Second Generation Ice Guard are a bit different from 1st genners because the former can come from a wider variety of backgrounds, and because they aren’t -assigned- to Ice Guard for various nefarious reasons, but came across it in the aftermath of the Second Robotech War and the Invid Invasion/Occupation. And while 2nd genners may not have the ‘loser’ or ‘misfit’ tag punched on their character sheet to explain why they’re at Ice Guard, many have their share of personal problems, hangups, or bad luck stories to explain what they’re doing in the Deep Cold.
Here’s a random-generation guideline chart for creating narrative characters:

Character is:
01-30% Civilian Refugee---Not an active member of the Resistance; just running like hell away from the war zone(s) initially. Decided to formally enlist in Ice Guard.
31-38% Ex-UEDF---Retirement’s not what it used to be.
29-50-% Ex-ASC---(01-03% Tactical Air Force, 04-06% Cosmic Corps, 07-15% Tactical Corps, 16-18% Tactical Armored Space Corps, 19-24% Alpha Tactical Armored Corps, 25-26% Global Military Police, 27-34% TC Recon Patrol, 35-37% TC Marsh Division, 38-46% Civil Defense Flying Corps, 47-54% Civil Defense Unit, 55-70% TC Cold Division, 71-75% TC Navy Division, 76-84% TC Mountain Division, 85-90% TC Desert Division, 91-00% TC Forest Division) ,
51-60% Ex-Independent(01-75% EBSIS, 76-00% Other)
61-70% Ex-UEEF(01-15% Came back with Carpenter’s ship, 16-45% Came back with Wolff’s relief mission, 46-00% Came back with one of the Liberation Fleets)
71-80% Active Resistance
81-84% Zentraedi Renegade---Been running this long; finally deciced to come in from the cold.
85-91% Tirolian(01-60% Tirolian Legionnaire, 61-85% Tirolian Civilian, 86-91% Tirolian Science Master, 92-97% Tirolian Clone Master, 98--00% Mistress of the Cosmic Harp)
92-95% Sentinel
96-97% Invid Renegade
98-00% Ex-Genesis Pit Experiment(roll again for background)

You could be Classed as:
01-25% The Lost
26-50% The Running
51-75% The Called
76-00% The Angry

Some Notes on availability of ASC selections:
-TAF, CU, and TASC are rare because as long as they had access to working aerospacecraft, these soldiers likely remained in the fight against the Invid as long as possible, or else retreated offworld with the refugee fleets.
- Civil Defense Flying Corps is well-represented because there’s going to be a fair number of arctic bush-pilots and supply contractors who donned the uniform of the CDFC. As long as they have their aircraft, they’ll be active.
- Civil Defense Unit---The CDU gets socked hard during the 2nd Robotech War and the Invid Invasion, but small communities in the North still have their contingents of CDU militia with the wherewithal to assist on a fighting retreat to the dubious sanctuaries rumored to exist in the Deep North.
-Cold Division---Really, if there’s anybody still wandering around the Deep Cold, it’s the CD. They’ll get along fine with Ice Guard, but also show the most professional rivalry.
-Forest Division, Recon Patrol, and Mountain Division are well-represented because they more than likely had bases and training camps in the northern forest zones and saw relatively little action during the Second Robotech War, before getting mauled in action against the Invid. The survivors are among those most likely to have the skill and predisposition to survive in the northern cold.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

I shudder to think what the 3rd Generation Ice Guard Character charts are going to look like...
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

SRoss wrote:I shudder to think what the 3rd Generation Ice Guard Character charts are going to look like...


-00% Elemental God-Entity :D :twisted:
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Ah, another 8-12 inches of snow predicted in my region Monday...
I'm expecting to see Ice Guard patrols wandering around my area any day now...

"We LOVE this weather!"
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
User avatar
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

‘Skiddoo’ SDX-1 Rocket Snow-Sled

“Well, the good news is we finally located the prototype and pilot.”
“....the bad news, please....”
“About seventy feet inside the Ramskoya Glacier.”

“It’s not the rough buffeting of the skids bouncing off the ice when you have the rocket firing that you should worry about; it’s when the buffeting STOPS and you can’t feel anything at all that you should start to worry.”

A contender for the title of ‘Worst Use of Recycled Mecha Components’, the Skiddoo is an improvised high-speed ski-mobile using a FAST-back booster from spare parts for a Super-VF-1. The design was apparently inspired by several turbofan-powered sno-sleds used by EBSIS forces in ‘aggressive recon’ forays along Ice Guard’s perimeter, and IG mechanics apparently felt obliged to dip into the VF spare parts supplies to produce a counter to the fast-movers. Modifications to the booster unit included a tricycle-style three-point skid-ski gear, a basic rudder and thruster-vectoring system, and a single-seat cockpit(using scrounged MiM canopies) perched atop the booster. The missile launchers were retained as the only armament(although some mechanics tried to kludge on a fixed-forward-firing machine gun in front of the cockpit). Navigation and sensors were Mark One Eyeball.
It quickly became obvious that while the Skiddoo could easily outdistance any other ski- or tread-borne snow vehicle, it could only do so on very large, flat, and level surfaces of ice. At full open throttle, it also had a turning radius the size of Texas and a nearly nonexistent safe braking ability(with a tendency to burst its emergency drogue chutes). This was made very evident during test runs when the test pilot had to use up his entire magazine supply of missiles to clear the path ahead of his rocketing ski-sled of an inconveniently placed ridge. The Skiddoo quickly earned such nicknames as ‘rube launcher’, ‘suicide sled’, ‘chute ripper’ and ‘super-skate’, and betting pools established on when the first test pilot would be inadvertantly launched into orbit. Despite a large number of (questionably sane) volunteers to continue testing the Skiddoo, when he learned of it, Major Jones ordered the testing and development suspended, and available FAST packs reserved for more sane and reasoned-out projects. This prohibition also axed plans to look into making a manned rocket interceptor out of the FAST packs.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by glitterboy2098 »

fusion propelled aerosani? yeah i can see where they might have teething issues..

interestingly, i hear that Aerosani like vehicles are still in use in parts of Siberia, just by civilians.
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

glitterboy2098 wrote:fusion propelled aerosani? yeah i can see where they might have teething issues..
s.


As in "We can't use dental records to identify any pilot remains".

Likewise, the dual FAST pack-drawn sleigh was nixed, as was the one drawn by carnivorous waffle irons(though the latter was canceled due to a lack of waffle irons, carnivorous or not, and Major Jones thinks the mechanics were just drunk when they wrote up the proposal for that one.).
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by glitterboy2098 »

taalismn wrote:
glitterboy2098 wrote:fusion propelled aerosani? yeah i can see where they might have teething issues..
s.


As in "We can't use dental records to identify any pilot remains".

Likewise, the dual FAST pack-drawn sleigh was nixed, as was the one drawn by carnivorous waffle irons(though the latter was canceled due to a lack of waffle irons, carnivorous or not, and Major Jones thinks the mechanics were just drunk when they wrote up the proposal for that one.).


i assume said waffle irons had nuclear jetpacks? i think the ice guard engineering department have a few heavy metal dimensional refugee's they aren't admitting too..
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* All fantasy should have a solid base in reality.
* Good sense about trivialities is better than nonsense about things that matter.

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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

glitterboy2098 wrote:[

i assume said waffle irons had nuclear jetpacks? i think the ice guard engineering department have a few heavy metal dimensional refugee's they aren't admitting too..


I've never checked to see if any Petit Cola machines have appeared as background mooks in Freefall, but it's worth checking(or suggesting).
It's certainly a possibility that a few vintage urbots could have ended up at Ice Guard as either part of a prank shipment of techno-jiunk or as part of somebody's personal equipment...
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
SRoss
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

taalismn wrote:
glitterboy2098 wrote:fusion propelled aerosani? yeah i can see where they might have teething issues..
s.


As in "We can't use dental records to identify any pilot remains".

Likewise, the dual FAST pack-drawn sleigh was nixed, as was the one drawn by carnivorous waffle irons(though the latter was canceled due to a lack of waffle irons, carnivorous or not, and Major Jones thinks the mechanics were just drunk when they wrote up the proposal for that one.).


E.B.S.I.S. base, motorpool...

Egor set about doing his checklist before he and his patrol where to head out to aggressively assert their territorial claims against the UEG. Suddenly, he and his men became aware of a steadily growing rumble approaching from the direction of the IceGuard base. He had just enough time to curse his life before a sled attached to two FAST packs barreled into the hanger and exploded.

Major Jones: "Let me get this strait, you were taking it apart and it accidentally started." :nh:

Mechanic: "Yep!"
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Major Jones looked at the jeep body on skis, then at the cables linking it to the nine Petit Cola machines in harness in front of it. He then looked at the mechanic grinning next to him.
"How the hell did you get that many Petit Cola machines?"
"They showed up in the garage, claiming to be refugees. I figured I'd make them EARN their keep around here."
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by Chronicler »

taalismn wrote:Major Jones looked at the jeep body on skis, then at the cables linking it to the nine Petit Cola machines in harness in front of it. He then looked at the mechanic grinning next to him.
"How the hell did you get that many Petit Cola machines?"
"They showed up in the garage, claiming to be refugees. I figured I'd make them EARN their keep around here."


*looking through a view cam from a scout*

Regess: "Soon, the nectar of life shall be mine!" :twisted:

Sera: "Uh-oh, she's doing it again."
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

"What happened to your Petit Cola sleigh?"
"They buggered off! Damnest thing..."
"Well, they couldn't have gotten far."
"That's what puzzles me! The radar tower clocked them racing away and they broke the sound barrier!"
"That's.."
"It tells me the concept would have WORKED! And they ridiculed me for hitching them up to a sleigh!"
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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glitterboy2098
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by glitterboy2098 »

taalismn wrote:"What happened to your Petit Cola sleigh?"
"They buggered off! Damnest thing..."
"Well, they couldn't have gotten far."
"That's what puzzles me! The radar tower clocked them racing away and they broke the sound barrier!"
"That's.."
"It tells me the concept would have WORKED! And they ridiculed me for hitching them up to a sleigh!"


http://freefall.purrsia.com/abyother/rocketsled.gif
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

glitterboy2098 wrote:
taalismn wrote:"What happened to your Petit Cola sleigh?"
"They buggered off! Damnest thing..."
"Well, they couldn't have gotten far."
"That's what puzzles me! The radar tower clocked them racing away and they broke the sound barrier!"
"That's.."
"It tells me the concept would have WORKED! And they ridiculed me for hitching them up to a sleigh!"


http://freefall.purrsia.com/abyother/rocketsled.gif


Just as well. The Ice Guard commissary was short on maple syrup....
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
SRoss
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

taalismn wrote:
glitterboy2098 wrote:
taalismn wrote:"What happened to your Petit Cola sleigh?"
"They buggered off! Damnest thing..."
"Well, they couldn't have gotten far."
"That's what puzzles me! The radar tower clocked them racing away and they broke the sound barrier!"
"That's.."
"It tells me the concept would have WORKED! And they ridiculed me for hitching them up to a sleigh!"


http://freefall.purrsia.com/abyother/rocketsled.gif


Just as well. The Ice Guard commissary was short on maple syrup....


"So, like how do they keep their cola cans from freezing solid?"

Radar Tech: (Watching the screen) "Aaannnd now they've exploded."

At the E.B.S.I.S. base.

Egor had just dug himself out from the wreckage of the hanger when the hale of cola ice chunks started.
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taalismn
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Egor is apparently the EBSIS's version of an Ice Guard assignee....aggressive enough to be trusted with troops, but not anywhere important.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
User avatar
taalismn
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

Last edited by taalismn on Thu Feb 26, 2015 9:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
SRoss
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Location: Vernon, ON. Canada
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

taalismn wrote:But Ice Guard's EBSIS rivals will be driving this year:
Russia's new Troop Carrier


IceGuard Mechanic: "They one-upped us?"

IceGuard Scientist: "This must be avenged!!!"

Lt. Darklith: "Sigh! I'll get my coat."
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

SRoss wrote:
taalismn wrote:But Ice Guard's EBSIS rivals will be driving this year:
Russia's new Troop Carrier


IceGuard Mechanic: "They one-upped us?"

IceGuard Scientist: "This must be avenged!!!"

Lt. Darklith: "Sigh! I'll get my coat."



Later, Lt. Darklith pulls into the Ice Guard motorpool behind the wheel of a Punisher, with the epaulets of a Russian general on his shoulder boards and a trunkload of contraband.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
SRoss
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Posts: 4804
Joined: Mon Dec 26, 2011 6:13 pm
Location: Vernon, ON. Canada
Contact:

Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by SRoss »

taalismn wrote:
SRoss wrote:
taalismn wrote:But Ice Guard's EBSIS rivals will be driving this year:
Russia's new Troop Carrier


IceGuard Mechanic: "They one-upped us?"

IceGuard Scientist: "This must be avenged!!!"

Lt. Darklith: "Sigh! I'll get my coat."



Later, Lt. Darklith pulls into the Ice Guard motorpool behind the wheel of a Punisher, with the epaulets of a Russian general on his shoulder boards and a trunkload of contraband.


"The Girls of SPETSNAZ!"

"Oooo its the swimsuit issue..."
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Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

"Mmmmmm...caviar..."
"Just keep it away from Alvarez. Caviar does NOT go with tabasco sauce and lard."
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
User avatar
taalismn
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Location: Somewhere between Heaven, Hell, and New England

Re: RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

Unread post by taalismn »

“Now, you’re new here, so you don’t know the routine. Major Jones gets into his office at five o’clock sharp, so you have to have his first cup steaming and waiting for him on his desk. You use the coffee from this bin, and you add a tablespoon from these three jars. Whatever you do, DON’T taste it yourself.”
“Why not?”
“Because this one’s chili powder. this one’s raw caffeine, and the last one’s an animal tranquilizer.”
”...good god, that’s POISONOUS!”
”Major Jones insists that it’s the only way to wake him up to handle a day here. Given the quality of the coffee here, you also have to go to extremes to make it even half-way palatable. Personally, I take mine with a listerine chaser.”
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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