RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

[taalismn]

The IceGuard crew pace in front of the door, armed with various weapons.

"Wasn't there supposed to be a zombie attack?"

Cut To: Outside the front door to the base...

Chief Toombs and a horde of zombies frozen solid.

"Wanna see how brittle a corpse gets when you supercool it?"
(sound of crystal shattering)

[SRoss]

Meanwhile, in IceGuard's Command Bunker.

"Halloween is over. Now the Christmas season starts."

"Right! You go and shoot the PA system, I'll tell the Cooks to start adding Valium to the food."

[taalismn]

Meanwhile, in IceGuard's Command Bunker.

"Halloween is over. Now the Christmas season starts."

"Right! You go and shoot the PA system, I'll tell the Cooks to start adding Valium to the food."

If anybody knows the perils of cabin fever, it's IceGuard.

[SRoss]

Christmas is the season you get the most suicides. A good chunk of the IceGuard staff are skirting the edge as it is.

[taalismn]

Christmas is the season you get the most suicides. A good chunk of the IceGuard staff are skirting the edge as it is.

Nah, they've skipped to homicidal...or else most of them have converted to religions that don't have winter holidays.

[SRoss]

Christmas is the season you get the most suicides. A good chunk of the IceGuard staff are skirting the edge as it is.

Nah, they've skipped to homicidal...or else most of them have converted to religions that don't have winter holidays.

Sargent Jake "Twitch" Rockwell: "Blessings of Tom Jones be upon you."

[taalismn]

Then one of Khyron's Santa Claus impersonators slips into camp, trying to lower the micronians' guard with some 'holiday cheer'...

(Sounds of multiple firearms going off safety, some apparently in the 106mm range)
Santa Claus Bomber: "Oh "

[taalismn]

"One of the great environmental concerns, even before the Global Civil War, was that global warming and the steady disappearance of the summer arctic icecap, would lead to greater open water. This, in turn, would lead to the gradual extinction of the polar bear, which relied on the ice cap to reach its primary pray, seals. At the same time, the opening of polar waters would allow the entrance of another alpha predator, the killer whale, into the region, where they could threaten populations of right whales and narwhal, who previously didn't have to worry about the intrusion of orca into their northern sanctuaries.
What nobody anticipated in the aftermath of the Rain of Death, and the release of various alien radiations and mutagenic substances into the polar environment, was that the polar bears would INTERBREED with the killer whales, leading to our current situation---"

"ALL HANDS TO STATIONS! NORCA ALERT!"
The biologist looked up from his comppad, then hurriedly shut it down, after saving his work. He rushed to the base watch tower, where he joined Ice Guard's commanding officer, already in full body armor and scanning the horizon with glare-filtered binoculars.
"Glad you could make it, Doctor."
"Interesting timing. Sightings?"
"Outpost Twelve sighted a pod entering our southern perimeter. They almost got a snow-mobile team. After that..looks like they're making a beeline for the base. Big pod, maybe twenty adults, unknown number of juveniles."
"Hmmm...might be testing our defenses, sizing us up."
"FIN SIGN!"
The two men reacted to the soldier's cry, whipping around to fix their gazes on a line of snow drifts advancing on the base from the south.
Just in time to see a line of tall white fins cresting through the snow, porpoising towards the base.
"Yeah, I'd say twenty adults. Big hunting party. They're looking to fatten the kids up."
"....Wonderful."

[glitterboy2098]

why am i envisioning a furry-legged-whale similar to the Lemurian warsteeds?

[taalismn]

why am i envisioning a furry-legged-whale similar to the Lemurian warsteeds?

Because that makes the most sense in this senseless situation?

"Polar bears crossbreeding with killer whales? How the hell is that POSSIBLE?!"
"They're both mammals."
"Yes, they are, Oh yes, that explains EVERYTHING."
"How close are you to total raving madness?"
"THIS close."
"Major Jones? The annual supply drop came in. Will you be down to help us open it up?"
"Depending on what's in it, it may be the straw that breaks this camel's back. I'll wait until you have it inventoried and I can fortify myself in my office."

[SRoss]

Major Jones watched the carnage from the Command Tower.

"What's happening sir?"

Jones: "Looks like the pod's arrival coincided with the E.B.S.I.S.'s regularly scheduled attempt to seize the base. We won't need to use the claymores after all."

[taalismn]

Ice Guard Holidays
In lieu of utterly emotionally downing traditional holidays, Ice Guard members have come with their own occasions to celebrate, a few of which follow:

-GastroDay
Once a week, Mess Sergeant Hugo 'Afterburn' Alvarez has been ordered to take the day off(at gunpoint, if necessary) and allow somebody else to prepare the base meals. As almost everybody else is a better cook than Alvarez, this day is welcomed wholeheartedly by the rest of the base and has the tacit approval of the base’s religious officers.

-Might-Be-Coffee Day
An occasion of some betting and great anticipation, when Ice Guard personnel get to guess if today they are indeed served real coffee.

-The Great Elf Massacre(aka ‘Nicked Day’)
This commemorates the day a Khyron-operative attempted to infiltrate the base and ‘spread good cheer’ in the form of sabotage. It did NOT end well for the saboteur. Ever since, Ice Guard members fondly recall the day with the chasing of a Santa cap on a stick through the halls and environs of Ice Guard and the sharing of presents(to commemorate the loot they took from the Zentraedi Malcontent).

-Garbage Day
Once every six months, Major Jones has approved a heavy garbage disposal day, when the staff get to utterly destroy items they absolutely CANNOT recycle. On Garbage Days(there being ‘Spring Garbage Day’ and ‘Fall Garbage Day’), any residues left over from regular garbage disposal procedures are combined with heavy trash and disposed of by the use of incendiary explosives(one of the occasions Major Jones lets the staff use explosives in non-combat circumstances). Often this is an occasion for artistic arrangement of the items to be disposed of, in spectacular fireworks-style fashion. It has also come to be regarded as a ‘cleansing of sins and frustrations’ ceremony, with base members often using the occasion to dispose of painful reminders of their life in the Warm, or burn their enemies in effigy(In one case, though, an exiled Ice Guard member recognized an old enemy in a batch of fresh arrivals and tried to use Garbage Day to ACTUALLY cremate them).


-Re-Supply Day
Once a year Ice Guard gets a big scheduled re-supply drop to restock the base, in addition to any special shipments. It’s a reminder that they haven’t been forgotten back in the Warm. It’s also an annual reminder of how much contempt the staff of Ice Guard are held in back in the Warm.
This is an occasion for great trepidation and betting; what they will be sent and how it will be delivered.
Betting factors include:
*HOW the supply drop will be delivered. Usually the drop is literally dropped from big Tunny transports that never land. Once it was delivered by a ballistic drop from an orbiting spacecraft. Another time it was by radio-controlled blimp(Ice Guard is STILL shaking their heads on that one, even more so since ONE person actually cleaned up on the wagers that year). Another time the supply aircraft actually crashlanded(command actually refused to rescue the crew; they’ve been stranded at Ice Guard ever since).
*WHERE the supply drop will come down. The big drop is more often than not haphazardly dropped NEAR the base. Depending on conditions, the supplies can come down as far as 1d6x10 miles off-target, causing a resulting mad scramble to find the touch-down point and recover the supplies. There’s been more than one firefight with opposition forces on such occasions.
*WHO will be accompanying the drop. Sometimes the ones back in the Warm can’t wait to send somebody new to Ice Guard, or not want to waste a transport specifically to send somebody into exile. So they pack them up and drop them with the Re-Supply Day drop. Once when this happened, the gagged and hogtied new transferral almost froze to death when the supply drop went particularlly wide off-target.
* WHAT useless items will be sent with the supplies? It’s a certainty by now that the bastards back in the Warm will send Ice Guard some useless items, often in substitution of more urgently requrested supplies or in place of ‘quality of life’ goods. It’s apparently by mistake, but it looks AWFULLY like contempt that’s behind these items. Things like several gross of crates of stirng bikinis, or a dozen drums of suntan oil, or several hundred gallons of ice cream mix. One year it was crates of inflatable pool toys. Another year it was a hundred umbrellas. The bet is WHAT sort of useless items, occasioned some time afterwards by HOW Ice Guard can somehow salvage the items by finding SOME creative use for them.

[SRoss]

"Sir, about the claymores, we ran out of trip wire. I hope you don't mind, we substituted the string bikinis instead. Appears to be a real hit with the E.B.S.I.S. guys, they've been fighting each other to grab them."

[taalismn]

“Sir, if I can have a moment of your time, it’s about the recent wildlife census study you had me prepare.”
“Yes, Doctor Jackson?”
“I thought I better bring my preliminary findings to you before submitting my formal report. There’s been some alarming developments that do NOT bode well for our outpost here.”
“Doctor Jackson, we’re dealing with size- and shape-shifting mutant polar bears AND amphibious orcas. How can it get worse? -I did NOT just say that-”
“ Yes you did, sir, and, well-”
“Hold on, give me a moment. Okay, I’m good. Now hit me.”
”The increased predator pressure, combined with the still high levels of mutagens in the environment have caused accelerated physical development in former prey species.”
“That would mean the-”
“The narwhal, sir. We’re observed at least three distinct and consistant mutations in the narwhal. First there’s the ‘ripwhal’, which has grown its tusk out into a wider sharpened spoon blade at the end. Then there’s the ‘sparwhal’ which apparently can fire off its tusk like a harpoon at high velocity, with ranges of up to ninety meters. Finally there’s the ‘gorwhal’ which apparently has modified its sonar ability to vibrate its tusk at extremely high vibration rates, causing a highly disturbing sonar buzz that helps hide it-”
“That last doesn’t sound so bad-”
“But which also allows its tusk to move fast enough to cut through steel.”
“That IS bad.”
“Yes sir, environmental pressure.”
“Well, I don’t see how that affects us. We rarely venture into deep water-”
“The gorwhal has been observed drilling through solid rock to seek refuge or food.”
“How far back from the coastline are we?”
“Not far enough, sir.”
“*Sigh* Anything ELSE we need be concerned with?”
“There’s the seals.”
“What about the seals?”
“Saber-tooths, sir.”
“Lemme guess, they’ve mated with smiledons frozen in the ice pack?”
“That’s as good a guess as any.”
“Well, with any luck, maybe they’ll fight the mosquitos come next summer.”
“I’m pretty sure that swarm was a fluke.”
“They were the size of DOGS, Jackson, and flying in freezing weather. That suggests more than a fluke. We better be prepared in any event.”
“Ordering mosquito repellent from down south?”
“...you know, Jackson, they NEVER give us what we ask for...”
“So...you’re going to order shark repellent instead, and hope they send us mosquito repellent?”
“No, that would be too obvious. I’m going to ask for beachballs and hope they send us flamethrowers instead.”
“Sir, that’s... How do you stay sane, sir?”
“By a fingernail’s grip, Jackson.”

[glitterboy2098]

"on another note.. Doctor, any idea why we have not heard any news from the UEG since that weird lightshow back in 2031?"

[taalismn]

"on another note.. Doctor, any idea why we have not heard any news from the UEG since that weird lightshow back in 2031?"

"None whatsoever, sir, I'm an archaeologist-turned-biologist, not a political scientist or an expert on electromagnetism."

[SRoss]

The irony is that when the Gura Invid finally arrive in Siberia, it will actually take pressure off the environment. The Mega Fauna will have something ELSE to eat.

[taalismn]

The irony is that when the Gura Invid finally arrive in Siberia, it will actually take pressure off the environment. The Mega Fauna will have something ELSE to eat.

If the presence of the Gura becomes open knowledge to Ice Guard, this will be yet another thing for them to bet on(provided they can remain unseen while witnessing Gura-vs-Mutant confrontations).

[SRoss]

Random Staffer: "Sir the new transfers are here."

Lunk: "Oh thank God! I've made it, I'll finally get some rest away from them!!!"

Annie: "Hiii! My name is Annie! My friends call me Mint! I'm here to do my xenobiology thesis!"

Jones: (Hearing something outside) "What's that noise?"

Doctor Jackson: "If I didn't know better, I'd swear it was the mutant Polar Bears screaming in terror."

[taalismn]

,,,Annnnndddd Ice Guard seems to have gotten lost over in the Operation Blazing Star thread....
Major Jones:(pinching the bridge of his nose)"Am I the only base officer who needs a NAVIGATOR to know where his base camp is at any given time? I thought we were on solid ground here, not an ICE FLOE."

[SRoss]

,,,Annnnndddd Ice Guard seems to have gotten lost over in the Operation Blazing Star thread....
Major Jones:(pinching the bridge of his nose)"Am I the only base officer who needs a NAVIGATOR to know where his base camp is at any given time? I thought we were on solid ground here, not an ICE FLOE."

"I don't think the base was lost so much as Deliberately misplaced."

[taalismn]

[
"I don't think the base was lost so much as Deliberately misplaced."

In a dimly lit room somewhere:
"Technically, we should have located Ice Guard in Antarctica; more room, further from civilization, and even more remote; Siberia and Greenland are virtually tourist meccas."
"Then why didn't we? Remote isolation was the whole idea of Ice Guard, right?"
"The Cold Weather Offense Squad claimed Antarctica. We couldn't place our little gulag anywhere those skiing, snowshoeing, ski-mobiling maniacs could run across it. And besides, the GMP wouldn't appreciate their Lockup Zero and White-out Ward facilities being discovered, or nosy neighbors constantly coming over for tea all the time."
"Lockup Zero and White-out Ward?"
"Their in-house gulag and their high-security psychiatric hospital respectively....kind of hard to escape through a hundred miles of bitter ice and snow wearing only a hospital gown and straitjacket."
"Oh. But that still leaves the problem of our Arctic siting and the 'tourism' problem. What are you doing about it?"
"We got creative. Remember the old term 'superdimensional'?"
"I thought that refered to simply really big starships or fold-capable capital ships...you mean?"
"We admit nothing, but let's just say we've learned much about from our mistakes in Fold propulsion. More than is public knowledge..."

[SRoss]

Twitch: "Ah! Nothing like the sight of Pluto rising in the morning!"

[taalismn]

Major Jones: "Ah, another scenic morning in desolation. Familiar ice scapes, familiar overcast skies, familiar barracks, new ice sculpture, familiar lights and steam telling of another dawning duty shif--- ----*BEEP* Infirmary? Jones here, can you send the on-calls out to the barracks courtyard with hot air blowers and heating pads? Seegundo tried to shortcut out of the showers again."

[SRoss]

"Sir, remember that new combat drug we Acquired from the Tirolians?"

"Indeed, wasn't there concern over how it would effect humans?"

"Yes, as you'll recall, we decided to test it on expendable, redundant personnel, namely Ice Guard."

"Of course, I arranged to have it slipped into their regular shipment of Valium and Anti-Psychotics."

"Well, we've gotten the data back..."

Footage from Ice Guard's Mess Hall

[taalismn]

"Sir, remember that new combat drug we Acquired from the Tirolians?"

"Indeed, wasn't there concern over how it would effect humans?"

"Yes, as you'll recall, we decided to test it on expendable, redundant personnel, namely Ice Guard."

"Of course, I arranged to have it slipped into their regular shipment of Valium and Anti-Psychotics."

"Well, we've gotten the data back..."

Footage from Ice Guard's Mess Hall

Proof again that Reality will show up Fantasy EVERY freakin' time!

[taalismn]

The Mecha of Ice Guard

“Seems to be time to again remind Private Tolliver that snowboarding his Spartan is NOT acceptable practice.”
“It got him into position during the exercise much faster than if he’d had to walk the distance.”
“True, but he also triggered a full ridge avalanche that forced the rest of his squad to take the long way down and around. THEY were late to position.”
“They would have been late anyway; they reported two more breakdowns due to systems failure. We’re really desparate for destroid replacement parts.”
“Yes, but they would have failed closer to their assigned battle positions.”

The mecha assigned to Ice Guard tend towards older, more run-down examples, as well as prototypes that aren’t particularly important enough to keep for testing or showcasing in a museum, or who nobody really wants any more. I also feel that Ice Guard is lacking in aerial mecha like veritechs, mainly because the ones responsible for setting up Ice Guard didn’t want the inmatesstaff having a convenient means of escaping their exile. If Ice Guard has to face a threat with aerial assets, they’re stuck using the base’s complement of older fixed-wing and rotar aircraft, or are obliged to call for air support(this will typically come, with an implied price, from the Evil Rivals). Ironically enough, somebody else who either had a head for future planning or else didn’t recognize the REAL reason for Ice Guard has made sure that the base is well-supplied with plenty of VF spare parts(albeit older stock), against any future contigency need to base and repair VF squadrons at Ice Guard. The Ice Guard has been dipping into the spare parts stocks(mainly because nobody seems to be checking in on them) for the odd need, such as using VF engines as space heaters. Eventually, though, they’ll begin tinkering with building a few VFs from the spare parts, and using the few VFs they actually have as examples to work from.
Ironically the deprivation suffered by the base with regards to up-to-date mecha will cause Ice Guard to become masters of innovation, building and modifying the needed mecha units from scratch. This makes them effectively the IMU garage of the Deep North. Enough mad scientists and eccentric engineers get sent to Ice Guard that some of the eventual machines are quite sophisticated and powerful, albeit in twisted fashion.
The Second Robotech War turns into a real boon for Ice Guard, especially when they get their hands on damaged or abandoned Southern Cross, EBSIS(old -ed battloids or GB’s Baltic-based VF copies), and Tirolian mecha. And they FINALLY get some more modern air power when they loot the Evil Rivals’ base after the Third Robotech War.
Early series Ice Guard mecha tend towards heavy kludging of accessory systems, including older non-mecha weaponry and parts being shoehorned on to replace systemry requiring parts that just aren’t being made available. Later series Ice Guard mecha will have be more sophisticated, showing a number of adapted technologies from Zentraedi and Tirolian tech-bases. Large ‘snowshoes’ are also fairly common, as is waterproofing(the better to survive falling through the ice). The mad science influence comes later with increasing numbers of Ice Guard designs displaying stealth capabilities(IceGuard is the ‘Unseen’ after all) or wind- and cold-based abilities(“So what if you have personal forcefields? We can just encase you in a twenty-foot block of ice.”).
Ice Guard mecha tend towards white, gray, and various shades of blue in color scheme. Camouflage and integrated camou-netting is also a trait of Ice Guard mecha units(experience and grudge-attitude has taught them that striking from cover offers them the best chance of success, and hiding is the best way to avoid trouble).

Other Late Series Modifications to Ice Guard:
*Modern Medicine---If Doctor Flint Smith isn’t replaced by this time, in any event he now has a staff of similarly eccentric medical personnel, some of whom don’t have to be Terran in origin. There will be some inflighting and friction from those eggheads who claim academic standing to be reason for command positioning, and even some professional rivalries flaring up. However, when they can work together, Ice Guard Main Medical can work miracles.
“So what if this woman is dead? She’s also frozen solid! After over a decade working here, neither of those conditions poses a problem for me! It will be just like monday mornings! We’ll have her alive and breathing and above freezing in no time!”

*Stealth Armor---Ice Guard will have figured out how to make their own Cold Weather Offense Squad armor, with extras...such as thermal stealth. They may also have figured out how to reverse-engineer some of the features of Tirolian stealth armor to adapt to their own(if not, they’ll simply modify salvaged Terminator suits to their own purposes).
“You DID get video of the expression on that guy’s face when we popped up INSIDE the security perimeter and whacked him, didn’t you? Because that was just too precious to lose.”

[glitterboy2098]

The Mecha of Ice Guard

why do i get the feeling that a lot of the ice guard mecha look like Shorty Sneed's mech in battletech?

[Chronicler]

I'm really loving this Ice Guard "source book". Kind of reminds me of Red vs Blue for military shenanigans.

[taalismn]

I'm really loving this Ice Guard "source book". Kind of reminds me of Red vs Blue for military shenanigans.

IceGuard and Mauve Squadron have sorta become(to me at least) lovable iconic losers, albeit in different ways(you enjoy seeing them fail, but you secretly root for them maybe finally winning), and in fact, you can see the assorted interactions of Ice Guard and Mauve Squadron being Blue vs Red.

[taalismn]

The Mecha of Ice Guard

why do i get the feeling that a lot of the ice guard mecha look like Shorty Sneed's mech in battletech?

Because when the spare parts stocks get low, Ice Guard mechanics improvise!

[SRoss]

On plus side, because their Mecha is the older models, they end up going unnoticed by the Reges.

[taalismn]

On plus side, because their Mecha is the older models, they end up going unnoticed by the Reges.

And the slight advantage of manufacturing SLMH when the local environment is already below freezing.

[taalismn]

New gen person
Slightly whinny teen refugee with confidence issues Dimitri "kiddo" stroveski some how finds himself in one of the newer mecs salvaged from the old er base maybe he was in a area of the ice guard base he was not saposed to be in and hid when guards came in accidentally turns it on it takes off thrue a wall just as the base comes under attack he helps save the day and is put on active duty as pilot of the mec he has a little sister who is 9ish but much more mature and helps keep her older brother in line

So, he's basically the anime-version Wesley Crusher whose kid sister(who'd normally be the rug-rat mascot of the series) is really his control-check?

[SRoss]

New gen person
Slightly whinny teen refugee with confidence issues Dimitri "kiddo" stroveski some how finds himself in one of the newer mecs salvaged from the old er base maybe he was in a area of the ice guard base he was not saposed to be in and hid when guards came in accidentally turns it on it takes off thrue a wall just as the base comes under attack he helps save the day and is put on active duty as pilot of the mec he has a little sister who is 9ish but much more mature and helps keep her older brother in line

So, he's basically the anime-version Wesley Crusher whose kid sister(who'd normally be the rug-rat mascot of the series) is really his control-check?

Perhaps he means Seabook and Reese Arno?

[taalismn]

There is one in every anime really I could give a list but I think we can all recall at least one character that fits the bill he basically is the kid who gos from meek and insecure in the beginning to brave and confedent with a fall in the dirt along the way when he get cocky

Off the top of my head:

Amuro Rey(Gundam)---Classic example
Crinn Cashim(Dougram)---Also classic; kid grows up in wartime.
Angelise(Cross Ange)---Dark example. She goes from Innocent Bigot to Violated Innocent to Angsty Ace. Doesn't help the world seems to have it in for her.

Rand is arguably this. He starts out cocky and self-centered, but becomes an ace, with much stumbling in-between.

Shinji Ikari subverts this by getting brave and then getting mind####ed by Second Impact. Rebuild is even worse.

(meanwhile, all of the above are sitting in a classroom, blinking their eyes at that assessment of themselves and how the HELL they showed up in this classroom of all places?)

[glitterboy2098]

Simon the digger. (gurren lagann) is this trope cranked to 11...

[taalismn]

"Gentlemen, in the depths of our exile here to the North Pole/Alternate Dimension of Infinite Cold/Frozen Pluto, let me point out that such a concentration of misfits in such an unlikely place meant to be forgotten can only mean that, by the Tropes, we are destined for truly great things!"
"...by god, he's right! You can't get this concentration of ####ups without it becoming..."
"-a critical mass of awesome!"
"WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE!"
"UUUU-RRRRRRRRRAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"
"Excellent speech, Major Jones. Very inspiring. But do you really believe in it? Or are you pulling an Adama?"
"Sometimes I can fool even myself. Let me bask in the light of hope for however long it lasts."

[SRoss]

Meanwhile ... Somewhere on Pluto...

Haydonite: (Bringing up the Ice Guard base on Macross Island) "Um, sir!"

Doz: "OH MY GOD!!! It wasn't bad enough fighting Mauve!!!"

[taalismn]

Meanwhile ... Somewhere on Pluto...

Haydonite: (Bringing up the Ice Guard base on Macross Island) "Um, sir!"

Doz: "OH MY GOD!!! It wasn't bad enough fighting Mauve!!!"

Part of the reason why you don'y want to mess with Ice Guard:
Typical IceGuard Soldier: "Let's just KILL these #@#%@ers and get back inside where it's warmer!"

[SRoss]

Meanwhile ... Somewhere on Pluto...

Haydonite: (Bringing up the Ice Guard base on Macross Island) "Um, sir!"

Doz: "OH MY GOD!!! It wasn't bad enough fighting Mauve!!!"

Part of the reason why you don'y want to mess with Ice Guard:
Typical IceGuard Soldier: "Let's just KILL these #@#%@ers and get back inside where it's warmer!"

Let's not forget the time they tried to test the Empire Strikes Back Taun Taun myth, replacing Taun Tauns with E.B.S.I.S. Spetsnaz troopers.

[taalismn]

[Let's not forget the time they tried to test the Empire Strikes Back Taun Taun myth, replacing Taun Tauns with E.B.S.I.S. Spetsnaz troopers.

The EBSIS Special Forces instructors would for years afterwards warn trainees that if they were captured in polar operations, the Ice Guard would slice them open to keep warm with the heat from their intestines, and use their carcasses as weather shelters.

"They're not human, I tell you!"

[SRoss]

[Let's not forget the time they tried to test the Empire Strikes Back Taun Taun myth, replacing Taun Tauns with E.B.S.I.S. Spetsnaz troopers.

The EBSIS Special Forces instructors would for years afterwards warn trainees that if they were captured in polar operations, the Ice Guard would slice them open to keep warm with the heat from their intestines, and use their carcasses as weather shelters.

"They're not human, I tell you!"

Avakuh Khan-Shung: (Translated from Nepalese) "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside."

[taalismn]

[qu
Avakuh Khan-Shung: (Translated from Nepalese) "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside."

Brown Pants Moment

[taalismn]

Ice Guard: Because the sub-zero temperatures are keeping some homicidally hot tempers under control.

[SRoss]

[qu
Avakuh Khan-Shung: (Translated from Nepalese) "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside."

Brown Pants Moment

OF course you know what they say ... (Translated from Hindi) "If you have time to have Brown Pants, it wasn't a Gurka."

[taalismn]

Well, since Alpha11 wants me to continue beating up on Cross Ange, here goes----

Since I seem to be fixating on Cross Ange:Rondo of Angels and Dragons of late, trying to figure out the optimal way of screwing up that badly-written/sadsack universe like we’ve done with Evangelion, I’ve explored the idea that the best ones for the deed in the Robotech universe are another group of pariahs similar to the Arzenal garrison, IceGuard. Let’s compare the two groups:


Size:
(Ice Guard) Roughly battalion-sized, maybe roughly 800-900 personnel all told; later series Ice Guard blooms to brigade size with absorbed refugees and Resistance groups.
(Arzenal) Sports at least three squadrons of para-mail mecha, but has a much larger number of support personnel, plus many non-combatant adolescents.

Composition:
(Ice Guard) Various screwed-up military and military-associated personnel, including possible mutants and aliens. Fairly balanced gender ratio(to reflect the post-Rain military). Ages average in the 20’s and 30’s.
(Arzenal) All-female ‘normas’ exiled from society. Ages ranging from early childhood up(Jasmine appears to top out as the oldest visible staffer on Arzenal, and she appears to be at most in her 60s, since I figure she’s aged a lot from pure stress of the norma lifestyle).

Location:
(Ice Guard) Deep arctic wasteland
(Arzenal) Rocky tropical island

Purpose:
(Ice Guard) Weather station, cold weather combat reserve garrison, gulag for undesirables. Expectation the isolation will drive them to slow suicide.
(Arzenal) Gulag-garrison/concentration camp for’Norma’ pariahs, implied high-risk DRAGON-harvesting operation. Expectation combat attrition will kill them off.

Mecha:
(Ice Guard) Older, clunky, pieced-together mecha, mainly ground types. Slow, but heavily armored, fully enclosed cockpits, weather-proofing. Tend towards missile-boats/barges with plenty of ordnance. Later includes various types and weights of power armors and IMUs.
(Arzenal) Para-mails. Roughly equivalent in size and performance to first-generation VF Valkyries. Possibly more agile, with more powerful direct-fire energy weaponry and optional melee weapons. Some wild-card models seem to possess Saijiyan-level powerups. Downside is in fighter mode the pilots are almost completely exposed to the elements, suggesting either a limitation to upper speed limits(or risk scraping the pilot off in the slipstream) or some sort of energy field protecting the pilot from slipstream and hypothermia.


Personal Equipment.
(Ice Guard) Full range of personal projectile and energy weapons. Especially if they get the chance to loot Southern Cross or Tirolian equipment for their own use. Standard personal armament is a large caliber handgun for dealing with polar bears, and a combat knife.
(Arzenal) Appear to have a range of personal projectile and energy weapons. . Standard personal armament seems to consist of an automatic pistol (9mm?)and combat knife. Heavier rifles, either energy or projectile with a top-mounted helical magazine.

Standard Uniform
(Ice Guard) Utilitarian, overall-covering, with insulation and weatherproofing, Mecha crews and infantry wear full body armor, more often than not with NBC environmental protection. Even though Ice Guard continues to use the Macross-era uniforms, all gender versions include insulated pants and boots. Casual wear for IceGuard is a unisex parka.
(Arzenal) While utilitarian overalls appear to be available, the standard uniform of Arzenal is fairly scant(bare legs and midriffs appear to be common), while the pilot suits are scandalously revealing, offering NO protection to a chest, midriff, kidney, crotch, or thigh shot(or snake bite to the inner thigh).

Combat Specializations
(Ice Guard) Wide-spectrum, though Ice Guard’s limited aviation assets have shifted their focus to ground combat and air defense. Arctic operations have trained their ground forces in specialized recon and ranger tactics, including amphibious operations in coastal waters(especially when they fall through the ice). Securing the base against the local mutant wildlife has also made them experienced at defending siege positions.
(Arzenal) DRAGON slaying, which might also be applicable to other high-risk combat assignments the Mana-users order them to perform. Arzenal’s island location places an emphasis on aerial combat. Ground combat focuses on internal security mainly.

Administration
(Ice Guard) Commander: Major Alex Jones---Military veteran promoted to Ice Guard CO because he ran afoul of a senior politician’s underage daughter who framed him for improper conduct. Pragmatic, level-headed, much put-upon, sincere, and patriarchal with regards to ‘his’ people. Hates and distrusts mutant polar bears.
Second in Command: Alexi Federoff---Cheerful co-conspirator with Major Jones in keeping Ice Guard running as smoothly as possible and its people alive. Can spot a commissar or hidden agenda in a person a mile off.
Run their own society generally by military regulations. Since every member of the staff is considered a military pariah, they’re free to pretty much ***** and moan about their lot and life as they will. Even the supposed spies planted in Ice Guard are really exiles themselves whose reports are ignored; they just don’t know it.
(Arzenal) Commander: Jill. Unknown last name(normas are not allowed to be known by full family names until they are safely dead). Combat veteran promoted by attrition. Cybernetic right arm. Cold, personally abusive to insubordinate subordinates, pragmatic, and dedicated to the survival of her people as a whole, even if individuals must suffer or even die. Hates and distrusts ‘humans’(Mana-users).
Second in Command: Emma Bronson--Mana-user and effectively commissar. Contemptuous of her norma subordinates. Jill has to keep her norma plans secret from her 2IC.
The normas run their own society, but have to put up with the presence of a mana-user overseer/commissar. It’s generally understood that if they don’t follow orders and continue to fight the DRAGONs, they won’t be resupplied, the general autonomy they enjoy on the island will be curtailed, and they may even be all killed and replaced by a fresh group of norma conscriptees.

General Attitude:
(Ice Guard) Resigned to rotting away in obscurity, and looking for opportunities to feel useful or at least vent some righteous indignation.
(Arzenal) Resigned to being hated and eventually violently dying for a crapsack society that hates them, family that’s forgotten them, and a world that dumps on them. Being used as canon fodder gives them opportunity to vent their considerable anger.

Ice Guard vs Arzenal
“That red spot on your chest is a sighting laser. Now we KNOW you can’t possibly have any armor covering THAT cleavage. Please don’t make it necessary for my friend to put any rounds into you.”
Hey, initial misunderstandings can result in conflict, or some orders from on high just can’t be ignored if the commanders don’t want to be replaced by more tractable leadership. But don’t worry; our best friends ALWAYS try to kill us at some point.
(Ice Guard) Ice Guard has seen little conventional combat, though some of their staff are veterans with considerable experience. They’ve had plenty of experience in wilderness survival and fighting unconventional threats like mutant animals, however.
Worst chance: fighting scantily-clad young women and little girls might throw off many of the male (and many of the female) Ice Guard members.
If facing Arzenal on their home ground, Ice Guard’s winter camou is going to stick out like sore thumbs, and fully-armored personnel may be dropping like flies from heat prostration.
Best chance: Missiles and unconventional ground tactics. If the IceGuard infantry can engage Arzenal’s security forces, the normas are chumped.
(Arzenal) Arzenal’s combat personnel have seen constant real-time combat against an inhuman foe, but their attrition rate is hideous; there are few really old norma combat aces.
Worst Chance: More used to facing DRAGONs than other humans. Many Arzenal staffers haven’t seen men in years, and many of those who grew up on Arzenal have never seen men EVER, and they may be thrown off encountering male Ice Guard members. Senior Arzenal members may not trust males at all.
And if facing them on Ice Guard’s homeground means something not seen in the anime; winter-weight uniforms. Unless Arzenal has fully-covering and insulating pilot outfits or Jasmine’s Mall is stocking parkas, Ice Guard will soon be capturing para-mail pilots with severe hypothermia.
Best chance; Take them on with aerial para-mail attacks and energy weapons.

Ice Guard vs DRAGONs
“Freakin’ DRAGONS with laser beams?! What the HELL is going on here?!”
Given the dimension-crossing abilities of DRAGONs, there’s a good chance Ice Guard may find itself facing DRAGONs pursuing the normas of Arzenal.
(Ice Guard) Worst Chance: Totally unfamiliar with an enemy the Arzenal normas have been facing(and getting mauled by) for years, if not generations.
Best Chance: Treat ‘em like mecha. Better yet, lure them into the arctic ecology where the mutants can eat them.
(DRAGONs)Worst Chance: Armored cockpits mean breaking your teeth while trying to get at the tasty meat inside. Long enough for the tasty meat to start breaking teeth and twisting heads and limbs off.
Best Chance: Hauling out the freakin’deathstar dragon-mails.

Ice Guard versus Light of Mana Users
“Those forcefields of theirs? Useless against avalanches. Even if they survived, they’re going to be digging themselves out for HOURS, Gives us time to drop the rest of those yoo-eeh-oohs through the sea ice.”
If Ice Guard finds itself helping out Arzenal, there’s a good chance they’ll find themselves facing the Mana users who have persecuted the normas for generations.
(Ice Guard) Worst Chance: Having never faced magic-users, Ice Guard’s infantry is going to get mauled by soldiers with freakin’ forcefields, telekinesis and forcecages.
And there’s a whole ####ing EMPIRE of them.
Best Chance: Mana-user helicopter gunships, APCs, and soldiers don’t seem much different from Earth gear and not any worse than Zentraedi or Tirolean equipment. Mow them down before they can close to use their mana abilities, use area of effect attacks to reduce the effectiveness of forcefields. The general impression of the soldiers seen in the anime, though, suggests rather sloppy training, poor reflexes, and archaic uniforms. The sort of dunderwits the more bloodthirsty Ice Guards would take to slitting throats on.
(Light of Mana Users)Worst Chance: Underestimate the mundanes and assume they’re wretched easily-cowed normas. Ice Guard is anything but easily-cowed. They’re ####ing angry-insane if you belittle them. Any mana-user who pushes them too far is going to find themselves stuck headfirst down an ice-fishing hole or staked out for the polar bears to play with.
Best Chance: Use mana abilities to surprise the mundanes who are little removed from normas. Use superior numbers to overwhelm and prevent them from retreating back to their home universe.


How Do They Meet?

*Scenario A---Another Doorway into Summer.---This takes place well after Ice Guard’s experience with “The Land Beyond”. Ice Guard scouts find another dimensional doorway to a warmer clime. Thinking it may be a return route to the people they helped before, Ice Guard soldiers rush through...and find themselves stage-side to the normas’ conflict with the DRAGONs.

*Scenario B----Oops, Wrong Turn at Albequerque---Same as above, only a returning air patrol/convoy or mecha unit accidentally stumbles through the gateway in foul weather(at night) and lands at what they THINK is Ice Guard. Cue bad moment when Arzenal deckhands show up and realize that the aircraft sitting on their landing pads are NOT anybody they know, and the Ice Guard personnel suddenly realize this ISN’T their happy arctic gulag. Bonus points if any of the Normas suddenly speak anything that sounds like Russian, and the Ice Guards make the mistaken supposition they’ve landed at a secret EBSIS base. Cut to Jill’s facial expression as she tries to process yet ANOTHER random monkeywrench in her ‘Libertus’ plans. Meanwhile, the Ice Guard internees try to figure out how to escape and return to their proper space/time before Jill or Emma sell them out to the Mana-users.
On the plus side, if Federoff’s along on the trip, he’ll instantly recognize a political officer/commissar/spook in Emma Bronson, and she suffers an incapacitating ‘accident’ almost immediately after meeting him.

*Scenario C---There’s No Such Thing as Bad Weather, Only Bad Clothing---This messes with Cross Ange’s storyline in that during a combat with DRAGONs, one or more of the para-mail pilots accidentally fall through dimensional gates opened during the battle...and fall into the frozen backyard of Ice Guard. If they survive the cold and the mutant arctic wildlife, they’re found by Ice Guard, who start wondering why all of the sudden all the crazy half-clad people are appearing in their pristine wastelands?

*Scenario D---Somewhere a Dorkboy is Crying---Same as above, only it’s Ange who falls through the gate after Hilda sabotaged her para-mail. Instead of landing on Tusk’s island, she does a good imitation of the walking carrot from the original version of ‘The Thing’, and gets hauled into Ice Guard as a popsicle. Cue different nude wake-up scene and encounters with equally strange(and bumbling) males. Possible romance with a fellow pariah?

*Scenario E----New Neighbors---Takes place during or after the DRAGONs directly assault Arzenal; either by accident or design, a massive dimensional gate swallows up the entire island and drops it into the frozen wastelands near Ice Guard. After fighting off any DRAGONs that followed them, the normas suddenly have to winterize their badly wrecked base, and the lack of winter gear quickly becomes obvious and serious. Then the cold starts coming in(okay, the heat starts escaping, to be technically and scientifically correct), mutant polar bears and snow-orcas begin sniffing around, and curious eskimos, EBSIS winter-soldiers, or Ice Guard begin coming in.
This can end well for the normas with them eventually being picked up by the UEDF(who, just this once, actually LISTENS to an Ice Guard call for assistance and responds in appropriate manner) and transported to warmer climes(with a wave farewell to the ice-bound pariahs who helped them), or semi-badly, as they become stuck as fellow exilees in the deep north, eventually merging with Ice Guard.
Of course, there’s also the possibility that the way back to Mana-land isn’t completely closed, nor the normas forgotten, as somebody comes after them(DRAGONs or the Mana-users).

*Scenario F---Unwelcome Merger---Maybe it’s DRAGONs weakening dimensional barriers or maybe one of Ice Guard’s mad scientist types is conducting unauthorized experiments with space/time again, but sections of Ice Guard and Arzenal are randomly swapping places. Jill and Jones in their respective commands recieve increasingly frequent reports of intruders in their bases, strange sights, and inexplicable alterations in floor plans as the two facilities try to share space/time. There’s plenty of opportunity for hijinx as normas and Ice Guards wander into each others’ inner sanctums. Hilda blunders into Sargent Jake " Twitch " Rockwell’s quarters and barely escapes being blown to pieces when she finds ALL the tripwires(“Who’s that redhead and why is she on fire?”). Avakuh Khan-Shung accidentally walks in on Salia’s ‘hobby’ and is mentally scarred for life(“I’ve been in ...a very bad place.”). Ice Guard’s men’s showers accidentally open up into Arzenal’s all-female cafeteria, the Arzenal baths connect directly to Ice Guard’s ‘cold locks’(with parka-clad soldiers wandering directly into a sauna, or normas pulling a ‘Seegundo’ and stepping out of the shower to be quick-frozen), and Jasmine’s Mall backroom seems to have gotten much bigger, and she discovers an entire inventory of items she doesn’t recall ever ordering(“When did I order all this junk?”). Much shock and confusion and more than a few fights break out before people start reasoning things out(cue shot of Jill and Jones holding firearms on each other in a Siberian Standoff while discussing things in guarded monotone, the two of them wearing their respective pajamas and standing in the middle of what looks one of their offices), or the Ice Guards and the normas have to band together to fight off a common foe(like an invasion of human-eating arctic hares, or a sneak attack of DRAGONs). Just for yucks, have an assassin sent by Julio to kill Ange wander into what they think is their target’s quarters, and get eaten by a snow orca instead, or Sala the DRAGON mail-pilot pulling a Corg in a sneak attack and insread being so confused by what she finds and turning around in disgusted confusion.
This scenario can end with the two space/time paradigms finally separating(by incidence or deliberate act) with the Ice Guard realizing there are folks who have it MUCH worse than them, and the normas for the most part envying the strangers their freedom, even in isolation. And there’s some leftover side-affects, like Emma Bronson being found bound, gagged in an Ice Guard closet, surrounded by non-Mana-using ‘normals’, and quickly becoming the most unpopular person on base, or Hilda having a polar bear carpet in her room. Or Ice Guard’s supply officer trading whale pelts for all the coffee Jasmine has in stock. Or it can end with some lingering connection that Jill works into her plans, like ‘Storeroom 13’ or a direct line to Major Jones’ office phone. And Sylvia Ikaruga Misurugi gets sent a ‘Mister Snuggles’ teddy bear from an anonymous ‘friend’(it’s a mutant polar bear, of course---cue the little brat screaming for rescue).

[taalismn]

Ice Guard Battlecries/Threats:

“We’re the cold that burns! We’re the glacier that grinds!”
“EAT COLD DEATH!”
“THIS ICICLE’S GOING UP YOUR @$$!”
“We’re the snowballs from hell.”
“We’re the pariahs of the poles!”
“We’re the guardians of the long night, the knights of the deep north.”
“We’re the icy sensation you feel in your spine, we’re the cold claw that grips your heart, we’re the ice pick in your brain.”
“AVALANCHE!!!!”
“We’re Ice Guard, weird $#!+ happens to us all the time.”
“GLOBAL WARMING’S A LIE!!!”
“Got your new ice age right here!”
“Let’s go ice-fishing. You’re the bait!”

[glitterboy2098]

Personal Equipment.
(Ice Guard) Full range of personal projectile and energy weapons. Especially if they get the chance to loot Southern Cross or Tirolian equipment for their own use. Standard personal armament is a large caliber handgun for dealing with polar bears Norca, and a combat knife.

fixed that for you.

[taalismn]

Personal Equipment.
(Ice Guard) Full range of personal projectile and energy weapons. Especially if they get the chance to loot Southern Cross or Tirolian equipment for their own use. Standard personal armament is a large caliber handgun for dealing with polar bears Norca, and a combat knife.

fixed that for you.

Hand gun's for polar bears.
Grenade launcher's for norca.