Forums of the Megaverse®

“You know, our sub’s the Typhus-”
“TYPHON!”
”-but we don’t have a cool name for our Beachmaster transport.”
“We always called it the ‘Oozemaster’.”
‘Cool-sounding name. We don’t have a COOL-sounding name for it.”

Pharamsist's Mate: "CAPTAIN! THERE'S TYPHUS..."

Morgan: "THAT'S TYPHON Sailor!"

PM: "No sir, there's an outbreak of Typhus aboard ship."

Morgan:

SRoss wrote:Pharamsist's Mate: "CAPTAIN! THERE'S TYPHUS..."

Morgan: "THAT'S TYPHON Sailor!"

PM: "No sir, there's an outbreak of Typhus aboard ship."

Morgan:

"Take two spines of a lionfish and call me in the morning..."
"ENOUGH WITH YOUR HOLISTIC REMEDIES!!!!"
"Hey, the lampreys worked."
"Yes, by utterly exsanguinating Ensign Neaptyde."
"See, it worked."
"By effectively KILLING him! He came to you complaining of heavy bruising."
"Leeches are good for removing pooling blood like that."
"Leeches...-little- leeches maybe! Not full-blown HAGFISH!"
"Hey, who's the doctor here?"

"Come on! Fugu is a delicacy in Japan!"

"WHEN PREPARED BY SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING!!!"

SRoss wrote:"Come on! Fugu is a delicacy in Japan!"

"WHEN PREPARED BY SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING!!!"

This is old hat for the 37th. They've had to put up with pickled man-o-war, lionfish consumme(with the spines), and live archer cone in the shell at meal times.

"Captain! We couldn't steal back our rum... But they gave us this instead..."

Morgan: "WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH A SNO-JOB DESTROID!?!"

SRoss wrote:"Captain! We couldn't steal back our rum... But they gave us this instead..."

Morgan: "WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH A SNO-JOB DESTROID!?!"

Use it as an anchor?
"It's a MECHA! IT MOVES!!!!"

Random Deep One: (Inside the mecha) "What's this button do?"

SRoss wrote:Random Deep One: (Inside the mecha) "What's this button do?"

Typhon is suddenly filled with mashed potatoes.

"What about the hazards of dehydrated foods on a SUBMARINE do you NOT understand?"

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Random Deep One: (Inside the mecha) "What's this button do?"

Typhon is suddenly filled with mashed potatoes.

"What about the hazards of dehydrated foods on a SUBMARINE do you NOT understand?"

Morgan: "Wait! Those weren't candies!?!"



Morgan: "MAKE WAY!!! I'VE GOT TO USE THE HEAD! NOW!!!"

"I'm pretty sure eggnog is not made with OCTOPUS eggs..."

"Was that REALLY necessary? The first bar onshore we've been able to visit in YEARS and you shoot the barkeep?"
"He was looking at me funny."
"EVERYBODY looks at you funny, Link, but that doesn't mean you can go around SPEARING them!"
"He was looking at me REALLY funny and I'm sure he was saying nasty things about me under his breath."
"You asked for a sardine whiskey mash straight. It's not like a bar's going to know how to make those without prompting."
"His eyes were funny."
"Si are the eyes of a lot of people in this town! It may just b an ethnic thing. And I'm sure 'p'thang l'thee ry'lyeeyee' doesn't mean what you think it means."
"Look, he was just begging, with the way he was acting towards us, to be hit."
"Actually I think he's just begging us to remove that harpoon you shot into him."
"So now we're humanitarians?! EMTS? Let's just blow this place; the service sucks and this place stinks."
"Whatever, Link. Lemme just cover the bar tab and the guy's medical bill and let's get back to the ship...oh hello, angry-looking village people!"
"Se, what did I tell you? This place sucks. The bar's pathetic, the women are ugly, and the locals are inbreed violent coastal hillbillies."
"Wow, you tell that with just a glance?"
"Master Chief, remember? Trained marine? Perceptive I am. Now, you armed, like I insisted?"
"Maybe not with a spear rifle like you, but...OKay, I brought 'Bessie'."
"Your Russian grenade depth charge launcher? Good, because we're going to have to shoot our way back to the ship-"
"Damn it, this ALWAYS happens when we go ashore! Can't take you ANYWHERE! Wll, just add 'Innsmouth' to the lost of places we're not going to be welcome-"

Morgan: "BANNED FROM ARGO!!! How can we be banned from Argo? We've never been in space!?!"

"The crew of the Gargoyle have been using our name apparently."

SRoss wrote:Morgan: "BANNED FROM ARGO!!! How can we be banned from Argo? We've never been in space!?!"

"The crew of the Gargoyle have been using our name apparently."

"And maybe because they're a BATTLESHIP and we're SUBMARINES?"

Random Crewman: "Oh my god! this sub's full of sea..."

Random Crew-Woman: (Pointing a gun at his head) "Finish that joke and die..."

SRoss wrote:Random Crewman: "Oh my god! this sub's full of sea..."

Random Crew-Woman: (Pointing a gun at his head) "Finish that joke and die..."

"No, Kwon means there's a leak....the sea's rushing in."
"What he say!"

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Random Crewman: "Oh my god! this sub's full of sea..."

Random Crew-Woman: (Pointing a gun at his head) "Finish that joke and die..."

"No, Kwon means there's a leak....the sea's rushing in."

"What he say!"

"Ok then, a normal Friday..."

"Establish a rhythm with long, easy, thrusting strokes-"
"HEY!"
"-because if you have to manually pump out the compartment, you don't to knock yourself out frantically doing nothing."

- You like to sing In the Navy by the Village People... In Klingon!

SRoss wrote:

Reasons You Were Assigned to the 37[sup]th[/sup]

!

You set depth charge depth for 1 ft.

- You hired the Ramones to play at Admiral Lisa Hayse-Hunter's birthday party. (Assuming she doesn't just have you spaced)

- You're the one who gave Minmei the idea for ROBOTECH: Sound Force... You Monster.

SRoss wrote:

Reasons You Were Assigned to the 37[sup]th[/sup]

.

You were too stupid to drown when you fell through the ice on your first day at Ice Guard.

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:

Reasons You Were Assigned to the 37[sup]th[/sup]

.

You were too stupid to drown when you fell through the ice on your first day at Ice Guard.

You are such a screw up that you got s**t canned from the Ice Guard.

You put the navy's flagship supercarrier in the middle of a parking lot at the Mall of America.

Those Recon Escort Patrol guys are still after you about their truck.

You initiated a continent-wide 'Imminent Attack' warning for a false alarm.

When the giant mutant octopus attacked San Francisco, you were caught rooting for the monster.

You're the one who set up the CO's little angel on a blind(fold) date with Whatley...

Because you prematurely opened the dive decompression chamber from the outside to pass the dive team a pack of cigs.

Random Crewmember #1:*looking out a porthole*, " Say how far down are we? "
Random Crewmember #2: " Why are you asking? "
Random Crewmember #1: " I think I see a light out there in the Deep Dark. "
Random Aquanoid at the outskirts of an underwater alien base:" The prey is coming to us. "

Random Aquanoid #1: "Eewww! Throw it back!"
Random Aquanoid #2: "It's disgusting!"

*Petra in the mess hall hacking up a tentacualt with a rusty cleaver covered in dried blood*
Petra: " This great, now we have a chance to replenish our fresh foods stock, let's see tentaculat eyeballs with aquanoid livers for the soup. "

Morgan:(Pointing at aquanoid mounted on a plaque high on the wall of his office in the habitat) "That's the one that almost got away."

Cthulhu: (Cringing in R'lyeh) "Shhh... Maybe if we're quiet, they won't find us."

SRoss wrote:Cthulhu: (Cringing in R'lyeh) "Shhh... Maybe if we're quiet, they won't find us."

"No sleepwalking through anybody's dreams for me...not tonight."

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Cthulhu: (Cringing in R'lyeh) "Shhh... Maybe if we're quiet, they won't find us."

"No sleepwalking through anybody's dreams for me...not tonight."

And for the first time since the creation of the 37th the crew of the Typhon get a good, normal, uninterrupted nights sleep and wake up feel upbeat and on their game.

Kargan3033 wrote:[

And for the first time since the creation of the 37th the crew of the Typhon get a good, normal, uninterrupted nights sleep and wake up feel upbeat and on their game.

To the great detriment of the Yakuza smuggling fleet....

taalismn wrote:

Kargan3033 wrote:[

And for the first time since the creation of the 37th the crew of the Typhon get a good, normal, uninterrupted nights sleep and wake up feel upbeat and on their game.

To the great detriment of the Yakuza smuggling fleet....

And every other wet navy on earth.

"What sits upon the sea bottom is ours.
What can be pulled under the sea is ours,
and what can be reached on the seashore with a rocket-propelled grapple is also ours."
---Slogan of the the 37th's Quartermaster's Office

taalismn wrote:"What sits upon the sea bottom is ours.
What can be pulled under the sea is ours,
and what can be reached on the seashore with a rocket-propelled grapple is also ours."
---Slogan of the the 37th's Quartermaster's Office

"Ok, who's bright idea was it to grapple aboard a Nuclear Sea Mine!?!"
---Captain Morgan ... Just before the explosion...

SRoss wrote:
"Ok, who's bright idea was it to grapple aboard a Nuclear Sea Mine!?!"
---Captain Morgan ... Just before the explosion...

"We're at 9,000 ft depth with a live nuclear depth charge ticking away in our hold, signs of giant squid advancing on our position, possibly a homicidal crab fishing fleet overhead...no pressure, right."

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:
"Ok, who's bright idea was it to grapple aboard a Nuclear Sea Mine!?!"
---Captain Morgan ... Just before the explosion...

"We're at 9,000 ft depth with a live nuclear depth charge ticking away in our hold, signs of giant squid advancing on our position, possibly a homicidal crab fishing fleet overhead...no pressure, right."

Far-Future Historian: "And that children, was the day this part of the ocean became a 1,000 mile dead zone..."

SRoss wrote:[

Far-Future Historian: "And that children, was the day this part of the ocean became a 1,000 mile dead zone..."

"..and that's why we make sure to put the leftovers of 'Mystery Meat Mondays' in sealed fuel rod containers for safe disposal..."

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:[

Far-Future Historian: "And that children, was the day this part of the ocean became a 1,000 mile dead zone..."

"..and that's why we make sure to put the leftovers of 'Mystery Meat Mondays' in sealed fuel rod containers for safe disposal..."

I guess the world did not appreciate Petra's extra *spicy* Deep One stew.

Kargan3033 wrote:
I guess the world did not appreciate Petra's extra *spicy* Deep One stew.

Neither do the Lovecraftian Deep Ones.
Especially since Petra doesn't always club them dead before fitting them in the meatgrinder.

taalismn wrote:Especially since Petra doesn't always club them dead before fitting them in the meatgrinder.

Well considering that she is cooking for the Deep Ones she really can't afford the *niceties* of taking her time to properly prepare their chow.

Also it's a from of *Therapy* for her.

Kargan3033 wrote:[
Well considering that she is cooking for the Deep Ones she really can't afford the *niceties* of taking her time to properly prepare their chow.

Also it's a from of *Therapy* for her.

The sort of sadistic joy some people take from listening to lobsters boil?
Or giant squid trying to fight the extruder?

"Bismarck once said those who enjoy sausage or law should not watch either being made. Those who like seafood should not watch Petra in her kitchen."

taalismn wrote:

Kargan3033 wrote:[
Well considering that she is cooking for the Deep Ones she really can't afford the *niceties* of taking her time to properly prepare their chow.

Also it's a from of *Therapy* for her.

The sort of sadistic joy some people take from listening to lobsters boil?
Or giant squid trying to fight the extruder?

"Bismarck once said those who enjoy sausage or law should not watch either being made. Those who like seafood should not watch Petra in her kitchen."

Let's just say the Captain had considered having her do double duty as the ship's *Morale* officer, then he took a *large* drink and promptly forgot about the whole idea after he had stopped off at the mess hall to see what was *cooking* for lunch.

"This is either a case of too much rum or not enough rum."

taalismn wrote:"This is either a case of too much rum or not enough rum."

Let's just say it was a case of the latter over the former.