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taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Jones: "Why are we in the middle of a desert?!"
Navigator: "What desert? (looks out porthole...) OH."

"It's not a desert! Its's ...ah....a dry sea!!!"

A camel walks up and licks the porthole.

Jones: "I wonder if we could use that camel to get us home? It must be smarter then these idiots."
Camel: (Runs away as fast as it could...)

"Okay...here's what we're going to do...anybody comes up to the porthole, we put Master Chief Link in front of it and he tells them we're a Guild heighliner looking for Arrakis...."

taalismn wrote:"Okay...here's what we're going to do...anybody comes up to the porthole, we put Master Chief Link in front of it and he tells them we're a Guild heighliner looking for Arrakis...."

Random Freman: "You needed to make a left turn at Albuquerque."

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Okay...here's what we're going to do...anybody comes up to the porthole, we put Master Chief Link in front of it and he tells them we're a Guild heighliner looking for Arrakis...."

Random Freman: "You needed to make a left turn at Albuquerque."

You been reading that on SpaceBattles?

Jones: "What happened to the AC?!"

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Okay...here's what we're going to do...anybody comes up to the porthole, we put Master Chief Link in front of it and he tells them we're a Guild heighliner looking for Arrakis...."

Random Freman: "You needed to make a left turn at Albuquerque."

You been reading that on SpaceBattles?

Loony Tunes actually.

SRoss wrote:[

Loony Tunes actually.

I know, but there's a Robotech/SW crossover fanfiction by that title as well...Alternate Fate of the SDF-3--- Not very far advanced yet; they've run into the Empire and just decided to fold for Hoth with some scavenged data on the galaxy they've found themselves in.

"It's hot in here."
"Go step outside..."
"We're still in the desert, aren't we?"
"Yep."

Meanwhile the 37th's many enemies, FINALLY having gotten their act together and pulled together a coordinated and competent threat forces, are futily searching the ocean and wondering where the hell the Deep Ones are.....

taalismn wrote:Meanwhile the 37th's many enemies, FINALLY having gotten their act together and pulled together a coordinated and competent threat forces, are futily searching the ocean and wondering where the hell the Deep Ones are.....

"This is COMPETENT? I've seen circus acts run better then this."

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Meanwhile the 37th's many enemies, FINALLY having gotten their act together and pulled together a coordinated and competent threat forces, are futily searching the ocean and wondering where the hell the Deep Ones are.....

"This is COMPETENT? I've seen circus acts run better then this."

Group of Clowns: "Sorry, we thought this was the line for hunting Stephen King."

Jones: "Sir, I really wish you didn't have that on your desk..."
Morgan: (looking at the old sea mine taking up a good portion of his submariner-cramped wardroom office)"Why not? It's a heck of a conversation piece!"

taalismn wrote:Jones: "Sir, I really wish you didn't have that on your desk..."
Morgan: (looking at the old sea mine taking up a good portion of his submariner-cramped wardroom office)"Why not? It's a heck of a conversation piece!"

Meanwhile, unknown to them, the mine is singing to itself.

SRoss wrote:[
Meanwhile, unknown to them, the mine is singing to itself.

Clearly an early version of the Dark Star's thermostellar bombs...

Mine: <<Should I blow myself up? Put these idiots out of their misery?>>

Splugorth #1: "Why are we in the middle of the desert again?"

Splugorth #2: "Cause no one would think to look for us here."

Splugorth #1: (Pointing at the sub) "What about those guys?"

Jones: (Looking at Splugorth through periscope...) "Hey, let's ask those guys for directions!"
Morgan:

The sub suddenly appears on one of the Evangellion worlds.

"Um, Captain? I don't think this is water..."

SRoss wrote:The sub suddenly appears on one of the Evangellion worlds.

"Um, Captain? I don't think this is water..."

"I don;t remember any of the navigators being named 'Hibiki'..."

"I think the camels would have been smarter then these guys."

"Wow....I didn't realize there was a vast subterranean aquifer under all that desert.....I also didn't realize you could get this thing to TUNNEL down to it!"
"It was that line about 'ocean of sand'. We tend to sink in anything described as an 'ocean'. So we really didn't tunnel down, we sank down to the water."

taalismn wrote:"Wow....I didn't realize there was a vast subterranean aquifer under all that desert.....I also didn't realize you could get this thing to TUNNEL down to it!"
"It was that line about 'ocean of sand'. We tend to sink in anything described as an 'ocean'. So we really didn't tunnel down, we sank down to the water."

Cerberus jumps back startled, as a submarine drops on his dish.

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Wow....I didn't realize there was a vast subterranean aquifer under all that desert.....I also didn't realize you could get this thing to TUNNEL down to it!"
"It was that line about 'ocean of sand'. We tend to sink in anything described as an 'ocean'. So we really didn't tunnel down, we sank down to the water."

Cerberus jumps back startled, as a submarine drops on his dish.

"I do hate these 'Dead Sea' analogies...."
"YOU AGAIN!"

UEDF Admiral: "Now remember; the UEDF Navy is counting on the concept of submarine-launched surface to space missiles to justify continued spending on wet navy assets. WE can't have the weapons trials go wrong in any way for any of the units involved in the program. You have made this clear to all the units participating in the tests, right?"
UEDF Commodore:(looking at electronic clipboard) "...uh-oh..."

(The Typhus, Somewhere in the South Pacific)
"Ah, I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to roll the sub upside down just prior to firing the missile tubes..."

taalismn wrote:UEDF Admiral: "Now remember; the UEDF Navy is counting on the concept of submarine-launched surface to space missiles to justify continued spending on wet navy assets. WE can't have the weapons trials go wrong in any way for any of the units involved in the program. You have made this clear to all the units participating in the tests, right?"
UEDF Commodore:(looking at electronic clipboard) "...uh-oh..."

(The Typhus, Somewhere in the South Pacific)
"Ah, I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to roll the sub upside down just prior to firing the missile tubes..."

Missile Tech: "TAKE THAT DAVY JONES!!!"

Fires the entire complement of missiles.

"Where did this man come from?"

"Transfer from IceGuard sir!"

"The irony of it, they DID manage to shoot down a spacecraft in orbit...they somehow shot THROUGH the Earth and nailed a target on the other side of the planet. Unfortunately, it was one of OUR ships."

taalismn wrote:"The irony of it, they DID manage to shoot down a spacecraft in orbit...they somehow shot THROUGH the Earth and nailed a target on the other side of the planet. Unfortunately, it was one of OUR ships."

"Alright, who fired that shot?!"

(Bridge suddenly empties...)

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:"The irony of it, they DID manage to shoot down a spacecraft in orbit...they somehow shot THROUGH the Earth and nailed a target on the other side of the planet. Unfortunately, it was one of OUR ships."

"Alright, who fired that shot?!"

(Bridge suddenly empties...)

Stupid idjits...trying to hide on a submarine....

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:"The irony of it, they DID manage to shoot down a spacecraft in orbit...they somehow shot THROUGH the Earth and nailed a target on the other side of the planet. Unfortunately, it was one of OUR ships."

"Alright, who fired that shot?!"

(Bridge suddenly empties...)

Stupid idjits...trying to hide on a submarine....

No one ever said this crew was known for their intelligence.

Arnie100 wrote:[

No one ever said this crew was known for their intelligence.

"We were kinda hoping when we assigned them to the 37th DSU that some of them would eventually try to sneak out the habitat door for a smoke and correct the whole problem."

It should be noted that one of the spacecraft inadvertently BB'ed by the 37th's subsurface-to-space missile test was the UEEFS Gargoyle, which had just dropped out of a Space Fold that had put them BACK in time before even the Invid Invasion.
Fortunately, the Universe rebelled at the thought of playing host to TWO sets of the same ####ups at the same time(even if half of them were of the younger version), so the result of being suddenly wrapped in exploding multiple reflex warheads was to punch the Gargoyle BACK into Fold-Space and back up-time, the ship and crew pretty well-done, but still serviceable, and wondering just what the HELL had happened, just as it seemed they'd made their way back to Earth.

"What kind of navigator ARE you?! We're back out in the middle of NOWHERE?!"
"It wasn't my fault!"

Arnie100 wrote:"What kind of navigator ARE you?! We're back out in the middle of NOWHERE?!"
"It wasn't my fault!"

"Well, I can tell you where we are...right HERE."
"That information would be immensely more useful if it were part of a larger context..such as where HERE is in relation to someplace else that we actually know where it is."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"What kind of navigator ARE you?! We're back out in the middle of NOWHERE?!"
"It wasn't my fault!"

"Well, I can tell you where we are...right HERE."
"That information would be immensely more useful if it were part of a larger context..such as where HERE is in relation to someplace else that we actually know where it is."

Kirk: "What did we just collide with?"

Tessa: "The Typhus, sir!"

"Hundreds and hundreds of thousands of light years of empty void and what are the chances we keep running into the SAME DAMN PEOPLE all the time?!"
"..about the same chances as you actually making a rational command decision, sir?"
"WHAT WAS THAT?!"
"What, sir?"
"What you just said!"
"I said nothing sir."
"I thought I distinctly heard you say-"
"Perhaps you heard an echo from the environmental systems equalizing pressure and temperature, sir. They can get quite noisy."
"Wha---Well, I guess you're right."
"It's only a coincidence that it might sound like a damning critique of your command acumen, sir."
"Yeah, that would be pretty out the-what did you just say?"
"What, sir?"

(Meanwhile...somewhere...)

Chief Toombs: "There's no WAY they can blame ME for whatever's happenings to them!"

Arnie100 wrote:(Meanwhile...somewhere...)

Chief Toombs: "There's no WAY they can blame ME for whatever's happenings to them!"

Kinda forgot the tracking anklet he's forced to wear, hadn't he?

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:(Meanwhile...somewhere...)

Chief Toombs: "There's no WAY they can blame ME for whatever's happenings to them!"

Kinda forgot the tracking anklet he's forced to wear, hadn't he?

Chief Toombs: "Tracking anklet?! What tracking anklet?! (Looks down...) aaww, man..."

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:(Meanwhile...somewhere...)

Chief Toombs: "There's no WAY they can blame ME for whatever's happenings to them!"

Kinda forgot the tracking anklet he's forced to wear, hadn't he?

Chief Toombs: "Tracking anklet?! What tracking anklet?! (Looks down...) aaww, man..."

Little did he know, as the anklet started beeping, that it was made by Twitch...

All the more reason why the Gargoyle crew use the anklet signal to tell them which compartments of the starship to evacuate into hard vacuum....

Fortunately, for Chief Toombs (unfortunately for everyone else), the device in the anklet failed to go off. Much to the dismay of everyone. Sometimes...just sometimes...it's your lucky day.

Arnie100 wrote:Fortunately, for Chief Toombs (unfortunately for everyone else), the device in the anklet failed to go off. Much to the dismay of everyone. Sometimes...just sometimes...it's your lucky day.

Unfortunately for Toombs and everyone near him, Twitch Rockwell is actively hunting him. He will not be denied his boom.

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Fortunately, for Chief Toombs (unfortunately for everyone else), the device in the anklet failed to go off. Much to the dismay of everyone. Sometimes...just sometimes...it's your lucky day.

Unfortunately for Toombs and everyone near him, Twitch Rockwell is actively hunting him. He will not be denied his boom.

They better avoid all icy celestial bodies then. Because most assuredly, Ice Guard is lurking on some of them.

The 37th Deep Ones and International Salvage Law:
"That which is on the bottom of the sea belongs to us.
That which can be made to sink is on the bottom of the sea."

taalismn wrote:The 37th Deep Ones and International Salvage Law:
"That which is on the bottom of the sea belongs to us.
That which can be made to sink is on the bottom of the sea."

"I claim this wreck in the name of the 37[sup]th[/sup]!"

"Idiot! That's the Typhon!"

SRoss wrote:[

"I claim this wreck in the name of the 37[sup]th[/sup]!"

"Idiot! That's the Typhon!"

"As noted before, your own tonnage does NOT count towards your monthly salvage qouta."

Morgan: (leaping into the hold) "AT LAST! Some decent salvage!"

"Think we should tell him that wreak is full of SS Uber Zombies?"

Morgan: "AAAAGGG! They're eating me!!!"

"Naa, I think he's figured it out..."

37th Attitudes Towards Being Pirates:

01-20% Loves it! Caught up in the whole romantic fantasy of being buccanneers. Won’t seek to torture others, but a few cuts, bruises, and broken noses are okay. If the world’s going to hell, may as well have fun!

21-50% Accepts it. An unfortunate necessity, but it’s only for the short term, and it all goes towards securing the future. The 37th just happens to be, in the mind of the character, better suited than most to accomplish the task.

51-80% Goes along with it. Orders is orders, and the character has nothing better to do. Were circumstances different, the character might feel guilty about his actions and go off to join some other group, but the 37th seems really the only game in town.

81-90% Hates it....some part of the soldier remains idealistic and dedicated to the oath of service of the UEG soldier. Sees the necessity of acquiring supplies, but only the essentials. The character is frankly disgusted by anybody robbing others for luxuries. The character seeks only to take from obvious criminals and turncoats, and avoids everybody else, even fellow Deep Ones. Given half the chance, the character would defect to another group that is truer to its code of honor, service, and duty.

91-00% Embraces it. In it full-bore. #### the laws; it’s suvival of the fittest and the strong take what they want. The world hates the character? Fine, the character hates it back, with interest.

#1. You secretly always wanted to be in the Village People.

#2. You want to find Johnny Depp and crush his cold dead heart in your clenched fist.