Hope about an uncertain future for Palladium

[Kevin]

Hey Everyone,

I just read Brandon’s post on the Palladium Inside Out message board and wanted to make a few comments about it, Palladium and our state of mind.

Brandon’s a good guy, and the post was aimed at trying to let folks know what's going on and that we still need help.

He listed a handful of cool folks, friends and freelancers who are notable people on the Palladium Boards as an example to simply say that don't assume our happy posts, jokes and comments mean Palladium is “SAVED,” because we aren't. Not yet, anyway.

While all of us at Palladium and some of the notable freelancers and friends are all excited and pumped up about the recent, incredible show of support from fans, and Palladium getting a much needed shot in the arm, and the many bright prospects for the future . . . people shouldn't assume our enthusiasm, jokes and good spirits mean everything is alright at Palladium.

Brandon’s post stems from a few conversations and general observations. 1) He was surprised how much we joke and kid-around. Hey, we’re happy-go-lucky guys who try to enjoy life and who love our work. 2) That we’re down to earth, open, sincere and as he put it, “you act just like the guys in my gaming group.” (I think he meant that as a compliment.) 3) He was blown away by the millions of ideas me, the staff and our freelancers have for future books. Stuff for Palladium Fantasy, Chaos Earth, BTS, Rifts, Warpath: Urban Jungle, Robotech, and a truckload of other ideas for new RPGs, new sourcebooks, new approaches to things, and cutting edge stuff. 4) How reinvigorated and energized we are from you, our fans, phenomenal and heartfelt outpouring.

Yet despite all of the above,[b] I remain cautious and worried about Palladium’s future.

The reason is, while Palladium got a shot in the arm from all of you wonderful people, it still isn’t enough to say, “Yep, Palladium is saved.” Nor did I expect it to be. I see fan help to be a strong shoulder to lean on and to help give us a boost back on our feet.

So I worry when online sales begin to dip after two months of incredible sales. I tell myself it’s because we haven’t released a significant product since [b]Rifts® Arzno two months ago, and that as soon as Madhaven, Powers Unlimited 3 and The Rifter #35 Swimsuit issue come out, our sales will soar again. And those books will be followed by a bunch of others that I think are great and fans will love (and buy), but what if they don’t? What if nobody likes the new stuff? What if sales suck? I worry.

We need to sell another 1000-1500 Megaverse United prints. I think we’ll do that over the next six months, but when daily sales drop from 10-12 a day, like they’ve been the last few weeks, to 2-3 a day, I worry. I know there are thousands of Palladium fans who haven’t bought a print yet and probably will, but I worry.

Origins and Gen Con are coming up. We’ve spent a lot of time the last couple of weeks planning and preparing for convention season. A bunch of Retailer Trade shows too. I hope we’ll see a lot of fans who couldn’t make it to the Palladium Open House show up to chat, get autographs, buy fists full of product and have fun, but I worry that they might not. I worry that we’ll end up wasting an entire week (with travel and prep time) at the convention when maybe I should be back at the office writing.

Brandon and the guys tell me I’m being silly. I probably am, but I worry. A lot of people count on Palladium. My staff, my investors, my freelance artists and writers, and YOU. I worry that, after all of this, we might not be able to keep Palladium Books going. Sure, things are looking a 100 times better than just 8 weeks ago, but . . .

After all we’ve been through – all the heartbreak and disappointments, the promising opportunities that never panned out – I worry. I worry that I might let you all down.

I tell myself that I’m worried about nothing. That we have what it takes to pull through this. That we have great ideas for the future and some sexy prospects too. That Palladium has the greatest fans in the world! And a huge fan base at that, but . . .

We’ve talked about the financial stuff and touched on the betrayal, but we haven’t addressed the personal and emotional impact this had on all of us. It was devastating. Everyone tried to be strong for each other, and pretend they were okay and that we’d be fine, but each and everyone of us was crushed by the breadth and scale of the betrayal. All of us reeled from it.

A bit of insight. It’s too personal and painful to talk about in detail, but it laid us low. There was a night when the frustration and hurt had gentle Julius pounding his fist and raging against a fax machine that was being stubborn. He had to vent at something. Every day for months, Alex looked like he had not slept in a month. I hadn’t seen my Dad, Hank, look so sad and depressed since my mother died 17 years ago. Wayne tried the hardest, I think, to be positive and cheerful, but every day he looked a little more tired, moved a little slower, smiled a little less. Kathy joined the fray like a champion and took on the work of two people while juggling her own problems and two full-time jobs. She quickly felt the strain but pressed on with an eternal smile and soft words of encouragement.

Me, I tried to push it all outta my head. I had to stay focused, juggle a hundred things and keep ‘em all in the air at once. I probably seemed like Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde. On a good day, I was cheery, positive, and tried to make the guys feel hopeful. I worked like a demon, put in insane hours of work and sold everything I could think of selling to keep it all going. On a bad day, I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I was irritable, short-tempered, and took my anger and frustration out unfairly on the wonderful people around me.

I mention this now, because I want Brandon and YOU to understand that the above was our state of being for most of 2005 and the first three and a half months of 2006. Worse, we finally hit a wall. No matter how hard all of us worked, it was all too much for Palladium to overcome on its own. The news that Palladium couldn’t keep going hit the guys like a ton of bricks. All those months of work for nothing. All our hopes and plans and great books locked in our imaginations waiting to explode onto the printed page crushed. All those loyal, hard working freelance writers and artists bursting with promise and enthusiasm waiting for what? For nothing?!? That’s when I appealed to you our fans and a miracle occurred.

Thanks to YOU we don’t feel like the above anymore! That’s all changed! You've given us hope and the resources to keep the good fight going.

The initial deluge of support was unbelievable, huge, gigantic, spectacular, amazing . . . throw out any adjective you’d like, it's insufficient to describe the impact you made. There are no words sufficient to describe how much your kind emails, purchases of the print and buying back stock books meant to us and Palladium’s survival. It has helped us survive the last two months, pay off some debt, and keep us going. We have money for the next 3-4 books and a dozen reprints.

For the first time in a long time, we can laugh, joke and dream about the future again. I can unleash my imagination without worrying about whether we can make payroll this week or pay the bills, and let my mind soar.

When I worry, I know I’m probably worrying about nothing, but because of the bad times, whenever there’s even a small bump in the road, a slump in sales, a delayed book release, or whatever, it scares me. I can’t help think, “Oh, no. What now? How bad is it? Will it continue? Will we be okay? What do we have to do now? I wonder if people might forget about us, or get tired of waiting for new products (they’re coming!) or not like them when they come out.

Does that make sense? I hope this posting doesn’t sound like a downer. We’re all hopeful and happy, laughing and dreaming up great new books. We’re working hard to stay afloat and kick some @$$.

We couldn’t have gotten this far without you. Thank you for your support, generosity and friendship. We’re hopeful about the future, but at this stage, I can’t make any promises. Like I keep saying to everybody, with continued support, a little luck and some more hard work we can do this! We can survive! But it’s still scary and we still have a long way to go to get back on our feet.

My apologies for ranting and raving for so long. I just want people to understand where my head is at and what we’re thinking. You have asked to be kept in the loop and give you some insight to what’s going on at Palladium, so that’s what I’m trying to do.

Keep the faith and thank you for enabling us to rediscover ours.

Sincerely,
Kevin Siembieda