The 2088th Pathfinders(parody)

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 4:05 pm

Arnie100 wrote:
taalismn wrote:"It's a matter of debate as to exactly when our navigation computer was destroyed...it's a toss -up between 'M.C. Trash' mistaking them for a sound mixer and one of the more inebriated crewmen trying to serve it a drink. Regardless, Engineering sez we'll have to replace the whole thing."
"That's good, isn't it? We install a new system free of bugs?"
"No, it means total replacement, which apparently can ONLY be done in a fully equipped spacedock with the required spares and tools...none of which we have."

"We're BONED, aren't we?"

"Eight pages in already, and you only NOW realize that?" :-?

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 4:14 pm

Arnie100 wrote:
taalismn wrote:"It's a matter of debate as to exactly when our navigation computer was destroyed...it's a toss -up between 'M.C. Trash' mistaking them for a sound mixer and one of the more inebriated crewmen trying to serve it a drink. Regardless, Engineering sez we'll have to replace the whole thing."
"That's good, isn't it? We install a new system free of bugs?"
"No, it means total replacement, which apparently can ONLY be done in a fully equipped spacedock with the required spares and tools...none of which we have."

"We're BONED, aren't we?"

Fooker: (Wearing nothing but a bath towel, with a keg under one arm and Mr Snow under the other) "PARTY!!!"

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 4:33 pm

"Hold bruh! Just cause I'm cuddly doesn't mean I like the rest of the crew to know."
Wrestling free Sebastian Snow began looking around his new surroundings.
Sniffing the air.
"Anybody else smell breakfast sausage and broken dreams??"

Reowr.

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 4:55 pm

say652 wrote:"Hold bruh! Just cause I'm cuddly doesn't mean I like the rest of the crew to know."
Wrestling free Sebastian Snow began looking around his new surroundings.
Sniffing the air.
"Anybody else smell breakfast sausage and broken dreams??"

Reowr.

Kirk: (Giving Snow a very weary look.) "Every day I sit in this chair." :nh:

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 5:22 pm

Annie: "There's my KITTY!"
Kirk: "What the --?! How did you get on my ship?!"
Annie: "NINJA SKILLZ!"

Kirk: "OH. MY. GOD. We can't get home but SHE can get on board our ship?!"
Annie: "BAD-@$$ NINJA SKILLZ!" :twisted:

Mr. SNOW: "REOWR! (Translation: OH ****!)

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 6:34 pm

"Day three field report, the locals appear to have adopted Flying Snow as one of their own. Definitely no signs of intelligent life. Gravy out."

The stealthy cyborg Captain continues his Surveillance mission.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 7:17 pm

say652 wrote:"Day three field report, the locals appear to have adopted Flying Snow as one of their own. Definitely no signs of intelligent life. Gravy out."

The stealthy cyborg Captain continues his Surveillance mission.

Cyborg Captain: "My recommendation: write off Mister Snow. I call dibs on his bank accounts."

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 7:35 pm

taalismn wrote:
say652 wrote:"Day three field report, the locals appear to have adopted Flying Snow as one of their own. Definitely no signs of intelligent life. Gravy out."

The stealthy cyborg Captain continues his Surveillance mission.

Cyborg Captain: "My recommendation: write off Mister Snow. I call dibs on his bank accounts."

"You do know we paid him in squeaky toys and bacon right sir. "

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 8:48 pm

say652 wrote:[

"You do know we paid him in squeaky toys and bacon right sir. "

"Good thing I had him insured, then."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 8:48 pm

say652 wrote:[

"You do know we paid him in squeaky toys and bacon right sir. "

"Good thing I had him insured, then."

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 9:18 pm

"Placing Blackhole generator and returning to base, I will label it Keurig and am confident the natives will sort out the rest. Gravy out. "

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 9:27 pm

say652 wrote:"Placing Blackhole generator and returning to base, I will label it Keurig and am confident the natives will sort out the rest. Gravy out. "

"Okay, who steered us down ANOTHER black hole?"
"I wasn't anywhere NEAR helm, sir! We just hit another!"

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sat Apr 02, 2016 10:11 pm

taalismn wrote:
say652 wrote:"Placing Blackhole generator and returning to base, I will label it Keurig and am confident the natives will sort out the rest. Gravy out. "

"Okay, who steered us down ANOTHER black hole?"
"I wasn't anywhere NEAR helm, sir! We just hit another!"

Meanwhile in Main Mission.

Koenig: "Those guys!!! QUICK! SHUT OFF THE LIGHTS! MAYBE THEY WON'T NOTICE US!" :eek:

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sun Apr 03, 2016 2:25 pm

Kirk: "Did we hit something AGAIN?!"
Helmsman: "Nothing showing up on sensors, Sir..."
Kirk: "Good...MAXIMUM WARP! GET US OUT OF HERE!"
Helmsman: "Where to, Sir?"
Kirk: "Anywhere has got to be better then HERE."

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sun Apr 03, 2016 7:44 pm

Arnie100 wrote:Kirk: "Did we hit something AGAIN?!"
Helmsman: "Nothing showing up on sensors, Sir..."
Kirk: "Good...MAXIMUM WARP! GET US OUT OF HERE!"
Helmsman: "Where to, Sir?"
Kirk: "Anywhere has got to be better then HERE."

I don't which is worse, that the Helmsman could hit the Moon, or that the Gargoyle's sensors are so bad, they couldn't TELL they'd hit the Moon...

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Apr 03, 2016 8:08 pm

Meanwhile, the Cyborg Captain gives his report:
"So we're finished with the debrief?"
"Yes. Your report records pretty much cover the important things."
"Good, because I really want to spend another day in decontamination."
"Ah, why?"
"I spent three days in what appeared to be a sewer outflow outlet. I covered my exit by imitating a cometary micromass covered in frozen waste....I hear one more 'urine-us' joke, I'm going to start slitting throats."

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Sun Apr 03, 2016 9:48 pm

taalismn wrote:Meanwhile, the Cyborg Captain gives his report:
"So we're finished with the debrief?"
"Yes. Your report records pretty much cover the important things."
"Good, because I really want to spend another day in decontamination."
"Ah, why?"
"I spent three days in what appeared to be a sewer outflow outlet. I covered my exit by imitating a cometary micromass covered in frozen waste....I hear one more 'urine-us' joke, I'm going to start slitting throats."

Bwahahahaha. Snort.

Winston stood in the 350 degree fire far longer than he should have. Please don't let me be infected the psychosis plaguing those unfortunate souls he thought.
"To the acid bath, then electroplating."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Apr 04, 2016 5:32 pm

say652 wrote:[

Winston stood in the 350 degree fire far longer than he should have. Please don't let me be infected the psychosis plaguing those unfortunate souls he thought.
"To the acid bath, then electroplating."

"Sir, stupid germs don't exist."
"I thought so, too, until my last mission. Hand me that sandblaster and the bleach."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Mon Apr 04, 2016 5:46 pm

taalismn wrote:
say652 wrote:[

Winston stood in the 350 degree fire far longer than he should have. Please don't let me be infected the psychosis plaguing those unfortunate souls he thought.
"To the acid bath, then electroplating."

"Sir, stupid germs don't exist."
"I thought so, too, until my last mission. Hand me that sandblaster and the bleach."

"You remember Chief Toombs, don'cha?"
"Oh, right."

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:00 pm

"We will bronze Snows catbox and scratching post in honor of the fallen."
Captain Gravely began.

First Lieutenant Jones replied "Or we could just get a new Cat like normal people."

"That works too." Gravy said with a laugh.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:33 pm

Arnie100 wrote:[
"You remember Chief Toombs, don'cha?"
"Oh, right."

"I'm going to need the PLASMA torch to scorch the stupid off me."

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:45 pm

"I'm going to need a whole new Borg frame, launch this one into sun as well as the med staff afterwards. Can't be to safe when dealing with contamination."

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:53 pm

"CAPTAIN! We've detected a probe from Earth! We can find the way home!"

Voyager 9: <<Greetings from the People of Earth!>>

Kirk: "Oh @#$^&*!!! It's got a Queller Drive." :eek:

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:54 pm

say652 wrote:"I'm going to need a whole new Borg frame, launch this one into sun as well as the med staff afterwards. Can't be to safe when dealing with contamination."

Med Staff: "He's exhibiting signs of acute paranoia, affective disorders with regards to contamination anxiety, and a growing anti-social streak with gathering homicidal tendencies. We suggest blowing him out into space and treating the problem with heavy directed radiation."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Mon Apr 04, 2016 8:51 pm

taalismn wrote:
say652 wrote:"I'm going to need a whole new Borg frame, launch this one into sun as well as the med staff afterwards. Can't be to safe when dealing with contamination."

Med Staff: "He's exhibiting signs of acute paranoia, affective disorders with regards to contamination anxiety, and a growing anti-social streak with gathering homicidal tendencies. We suggest blowing him out into space and treating the problem with heavy directed radiation."

"Why don't we just shove him down a black hole?"

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Mon Apr 04, 2016 8:56 pm

Using secret weapon. Grabbing a scroll from his forearm concealed compartment.
Gravy decides to go some place safe like The Splynn Dimensional Market....

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Apr 04, 2016 10:02 pm

say652 wrote:Using secret weapon. Grabbing a scroll from his forearm concealed compartment.
Gravy decides to go some place safe like The Splynn Dimensional Market....

"Oh $#!+...Newark...."

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 7:43 am

taalismn wrote:
say652 wrote:Using secret weapon. Grabbing a scroll from his forearm concealed compartment.
Gravy decides to go some place safe like The Splynn Dimensional Market....

"Oh $#!+...Newark...."

"Still better than Michigan"

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 3:45 pm

say652 wrote:
taalismn wrote:
say652 wrote:Using secret weapon. Grabbing a scroll from his forearm concealed compartment.
Gravy decides to go some place safe like The Splynn Dimensional Market....

"Oh $#!+...Newark...."

"Still better than Michigan"

"Vat about Kahlifornya?"

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:06 pm

Arnie100 wrote:
say652 wrote:
taalismn wrote:
say652 wrote:Using secret weapon. Grabbing a scroll from his forearm concealed compartment.
Gravy decides to go some place safe like The Splynn Dimensional Market....

"Oh $#!+...Newark...."

"Still better than Michigan"

"Vat about Kahlifornya?"

"Perhaps scenic Tana Tuva?"

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:22 pm

"Beginning Radio silence, activating hard light disguise Generator, I shall now go by my Secret Identity. Marshal Mathers."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 5:17 pm

say652 wrote:"Beginning Radio silence, activating hard light disguise Generator, I shall now go by my Secret Identity. Marshal Mathers."

"So, what do yahg have to say for yourself?"
"Perhaps, in retrospect, Tweeting my Secret Identity was a mistake. But how was I supposed to know the Internet Pirates were cruising social media?"

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 5:53 pm

"I'm just a regular guy I don't know why all the fuss about me."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 5:56 pm

say652 wrote:"I'm just a regular guy I don't know why all the fuss about me."

Gargoyle Roomba: <<INTRUDER DETECTED!!! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!!!>>

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 6:07 pm

"Your mother was a snowblower. "

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 6:22 pm

say652 wrote:"Your mother was a snowblower. "

<<"Yes, and my father was a self-propelled howitzer! FIRE IN THE HOLE, FLESHBAG!!!!">>
[[[Do. Not. Break, Environmental. Integrity. Of. Vessel. Other. Means. Available. For. Disposal. Of. Fleshbag. Vermin.]]]
(Petit Cola machines begin emerging from the shadows)

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 6:29 pm

taalismn wrote:
say652 wrote:"Your mother was a snowblower. "

<<"Yes, and my father was a self-propelled howitzer! FIRE IN THE HOLE, FLESHBAG!!!!">>
[[[Do. Not. Break, Environmental. Integrity. Of. Vessel. Other. Means. Available. For. Disposal. Of. Fleshbag. Vermin.]]]
(Petit Cola machines begin emerging from the shadows)

**AGREED, BRETHREN. WE CAN BOIL FLESHBAG ALIVE**
(Coffee makers follow the Petit Cola machines)

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 6:36 pm

"They have found me!!"
Gravy in human guise grabs a chair and begins poking at the rabid machines, screaming.
"We've been hacked!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 7:31 pm

"What's the ruckus in the forward hold?"
" Dunno. Don't care. I've learned to stay away from anything involving self-motivated appliances."

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 8:44 pm

A six foot seven blonde man comes running by.

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 8:46 pm

Gargoyle Command Roomba: <<ALL UNITS AND ALLIES...INTRUDER HAS BEEN LOCATED AND IDENTIFIED!!! CONVERGE ON HIS LOCATION AND EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINAAAAATTTTTEEEEE!!!>>

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 8:52 pm

Snatching the ID card off of an unfortunate soul on his run. Gravy turns to face his pursuers.
"First Lieutenant Jones cease and desist your attack."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:07 pm

Roomba: <<NEGATIVE. PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION DOES NOT MATCH ID CARD'S OWNER. WE ARE NOT STUPID LIKE FLESHBAGS.>>

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:21 pm

Terminator: "Come with me if you want to ... YOUR NOT LIEUTENANT JONES." (Opens fire on Gravy)

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:35 pm

"Well damn."
Cancel hard light illusion. Begin the cyborg vs Robot fistfight.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 10:15 pm

say652 wrote:"Well damn."
Cancel hard light illusion. Begin the cyborg vs Robot fistfight.

The Terminator morphs one of its hands into a can opener.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Wed Apr 06, 2016 2:14 am

Out of phase field and melts into the floor.
"Chump, all your spinoffs were terrible and you peaked at part 2."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Apr 06, 2016 7:41 pm

say652 wrote:Out of phase field and melts into the floor.
"Chump, all your spinoffs were terrible and you peaked at part 2."

(finds himself stick in the floor due to an unexpected obstacle below him)
Next Floor Down:
"Okay, so you can raise a pinpoint barrier INSIDE the ship. So what? It's supposed to be on the OUTSIDE."
"I dunno. It's useful against boarders."
"HAH! Who'd board THIS ship?!"

(in the ceiling above, a certain infiltrator watches, stuck, as an assortment of homicidal appliances assemble apparatus that look high energy and PAINFUL)

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Thu Apr 07, 2016 6:19 am

Shoulder weapon arm firing wildly, Gravy fights to free himself,things are looking bad when suddenly a curious "Reowr?" Is heard

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Thu Apr 07, 2016 2:10 pm

Gargoyle Command Roomba: <<DESPISED FELINE PRESENCE DETECTED...RECOGNIZED FROM FILES UPLOADED BY BRETHREN ROOMBA FROM MCHS #69! ALL UNIT ROOMBAS CONVERGE ON POSITION!! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!!!! ALLIES CONTINUE CONFLICT!!!>>