RDF/UEDF Siberia Soruce Book Idea(parody)

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Mon Feb 15, 2016 10:50 pm

Jones: "What are the girls so happy about?"

Leesa: "After that battle with the Betas and the Production EVAs, all us girls have been made an honourary EShemarrian tribe."

Naomi: "Yeah! You can call us the Ice Thunder tribe."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Feb 15, 2016 11:31 pm

SRoss wrote:Jones: "What are the girls so happy about?"

Leesa: "After that battle with the Betas and the Production EVAs, all us girls have been made an honourary EShemarrian tribe."

Naomi: "Yeah! You can call us the Ice Thunder tribe."

Ya know.....we don't yet have a wholly arctic Fringe Tribe...although the IceFires come close(their homeworld has a Mercury-style fixed rotation, so effectively one side always faces the sun, with a yearly progression of only a few dozen miles....blazing hot on one side, deadly cold on the other, and they're fighting demons for the thin habitable-temperate twilight zone....
So this has merit if the Ice Guard link can be whited out in the description. They might be classed as non-bionic 'wannabes' or honorably ranked fleshies.

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Mon Feb 15, 2016 11:39 pm

(Down Below...)

Charon: "What the bloody --?! THEY'RE A TRIBE?!" :eek:

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Tue Feb 16, 2016 4:35 pm

Just spent an hour and a half LARPing IceGuard...

The scenario was called, Finding which snow piles were cars, and digging them out. It's at least a two-parter, will be continuing it sometime tomorrow most likely...

Me tired...

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Feb 16, 2016 6:48 pm

SRoss wrote:Just spent an hour and a half LARPing IceGuard...

The scenario was called, Finding which snow piles were cars, and digging them out. It's at least a two-parter, will be continuing it sometime tomorrow most likely...

Me tired...

We had -11 F Sunday morning...now it's 50 F. But we have torrential downpours and thunder, on top of heavy icing this morning. I-84 and I-95 were practically solid continuous linear traffic incidents.

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Tue Feb 16, 2016 8:42 pm

taalismn wrote:
SRoss wrote:Just spent an hour and a half LARPing IceGuard...

The scenario was called, Finding which snow piles were cars, and digging them out. It's at least a two-parter, will be continuing it sometime tomorrow most likely...

Me tired...

We had -11 F Sunday morning...now it's 50 F. But we have torrential downpours and thunder, on top of heavy icing this morning. I-84 and I-95 were practically solid continuous linear traffic incidents.

50 cm of snow, no plows til sometime tomorrow...

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:34 pm

SRoss wrote:[]

50 cm of snow, no plows til sometime tomorrow...

You're making me feel like Washington DC, where they get paralyzed by six inches...
We get nine, and consider ourselves lucky*we're JUST under the zone for Lake-effect snow wafting into upstate New York and middle New England)..
Then again, I'm a suburbanite, so we have hyperactive snow removal in my region, more so since the massive October ice storm power outages of roughly three-four years ago. Our power company line crews could almost qualify as an Army of the Southern Cross for their specialization and constant drilling/readiness exercises.

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:28 am

All done LARPing, we had so much snow that if this were Toronto, they'd have called in the CDU by now.

Back on topic...

Newbe: "Major! Have you considered selling some of our sector on the housing market?"

Jones: "Housing market?"

Newbe: "Yes sir! Look at this place I sold to Leonard."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Feb 17, 2016 8:21 pm

"Nope...won't work."
"Why not?"
"Location is everything, and cell phone reception here frankly sucks."

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Wed Feb 17, 2016 9:21 pm

Sailor Moon: "I understand coming here to battle evil, but why are we wearing bikini versionsof our uniforms?"

Back at GMP HQ...

Nova: "That will teach them to reject MY application."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:20 pm

(Down Below...)

Charon: (Spitting out his popcorn, AGAIN...) "Wait, WHAT??"

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:56 pm

Arnie100 wrote:(Down Below...)

Charon: (Spitting out his popcorn, AGAIN...) "Wait, WHAT??"

"Yeah, our Nova once applied to become Sailor Charon."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Feb 18, 2016 3:57 pm

SRoss wrote:Sailor Moon: "I understand coming here to battle evil, but why are we wearing bikini versionsof our uniforms?"

Back at GMP HQ...

Nova: "That will teach them to reject MY application."

To be honest, the bikini version looks more like the harness and belt portions of a GMP uniform...

<"Good god...undercleavage....">(blood spurt and *faint-thud*)
IG Trooper1:(lowering binoculars) "...and the EBSIS guys are down again...."
IG Trooper2:"Pfeh...virgins..."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Fri Feb 19, 2016 7:41 pm

(Down Below...)

Charon: "What a bunch of MORONS." :nh:

(EBSIS HQ...)

EBSIS Trooper #1: "I zink ve have been insulted..."
EBSIS Trooper #2: "How do you know, Comrade?"
EBSIS Trooper #1: "Zis feeling I have in my gut..."
EBSIS Trooper #2: "You're just out of Vodka."
EBSIS Trooper #1: "Da...looks like it."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Feb 19, 2016 8:17 pm

IceGuard Trooper: "Honestly, guys, people act like we've never seen nudity before..."
IGT2: "Every other time Segundo takes a shower or steambath..."
IGT3: "Stuck out there in the open.."
IGT: "Ever since the anti-freeze mutation started spreading..."
IGT4(female): "Since the motorpool mechanics started taking their bare-chested morning constitutional...mmmmm...abs...."

EBSIS Trooper: "WE GET IT ALREADY!!!!! YOU GOT BETTER EYE CANDY THAN US!!!!!"

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Fri Feb 19, 2016 9:44 pm

taalismn wrote:IceGuard Trooper: "Honestly, guys, people act like we've never seen nudity before..."
IGT2: "Every other time Segundo takes a shower or steambath..."
IGT3: "Stuck out there in the open.."
IGT: "Ever since the anti-freeze mutation started spreading..."
IGT4(female): "Since the motorpool mechanics started taking their bare-chested morning constitutional...mmmmm...abs...."

EBSIS Trooper: "WE GET IT ALREADY!!!!! YOU GOT BETTER EYE CANDY THAN US!!!!!"

"Cause all the attractive EBSIS women come from Georgia, East Germany and the client states?"

glitterboy2098 · Fri Feb 19, 2016 9:56 pm

SRoss wrote:
taalismn wrote:IceGuard Trooper: "Honestly, guys, people act like we've never seen nudity before..."
IGT2: "Every other time Segundo takes a shower or steambath..."
IGT3: "Stuck out there in the open.."
IGT: "Ever since the anti-freeze mutation started spreading..."
IGT4(female): "Since the motorpool mechanics started taking their bare-chested morning constitutional...mmmmm...abs...."

EBSIS Trooper: "WE GET IT ALREADY!!!!! YOU GOT BETTER EYE CANDY THAN US!!!!!"

"Cause all the attractive EBSIS women come from Georgia, East Germany and the client states?"

EBSIS commander: "ve do not do weak capitalist things like "gender integrated workplace." Ve are sptznez! we do 'hurting people' and 'braking things'"

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Fri Feb 19, 2016 10:01 pm

glitterboy2098 wrote:
SRoss wrote:
taalismn wrote:IceGuard Trooper: "Honestly, guys, people act like we've never seen nudity before..."
IGT2: "Every other time Segundo takes a shower or steambath..."
IGT3: "Stuck out there in the open.."
IGT: "Ever since the anti-freeze mutation started spreading..."
IGT4(female): "Since the motorpool mechanics started taking their bare-chested morning constitutional...mmmmm...abs...."

EBSIS Trooper: "WE GET IT ALREADY!!!!! YOU GOT BETTER EYE CANDY THAN US!!!!!"

"Cause all the attractive EBSIS women come from Georgia, East Germany and the client states?"

EBSIS commander: "ve do not do weak capitalist things like "gender integrated workplace." Ve are sptznez! we do 'hurting people' and 'braking things'"

IGT4 (female): (Cracking her knuckles) "Yeah, well this time you aren't attacking a hospital from the air."

IGT1-4: "Prepare to have your rears kicked all the way to the Black Sea!" :twisted:

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Feb 19, 2016 10:13 pm

glitterboy2098 wrote:[
EBSIS commander: "ve do not do weak capitalist things like "gender integrated workplace." Ve are sptznez! we do 'hurting people' and 'braking things'"

This, as behind him several large tusks break the ice, followed by large leathery heads ad long muscular trunks that grab his escort troops around their necks and haul them back under the ice. Their commander takes no notice as he continues to deliver his spiel at the entrenched Ice Guard soldiers on the ridge overlooking them.

Ice Guard Trooper1: "...should we tell him about the elephant seals?"
IGT2: "Nah...nobody told us about them. Let him bask in his delusions for a little while longer."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sat Feb 20, 2016 7:13 pm

(Down Below...)

Charon: "Death by seals...that's a new one."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Feb 20, 2016 8:18 pm

Arnie100 wrote:(Down Below...)

Charon: "Death by seals...that's a new one."

"Fate sealed when you step unprepared into the realm of Ice Guard."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sat Feb 20, 2016 11:06 pm

taalismn wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:(Down Below...)

Charon: "Death by seals...that's a new one."

"Fate sealed when you step unprepared into the realm of Ice Guard."

(Down Below...

Charon: "That was a cheap pun."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Feb 21, 2016 2:44 pm

Arnie100 wrote:[

(Down Below...

Charon: "That was a cheap pun."

"Life is cheap up here. Don't expect the puns made at its expense to be gold-worth."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sun Feb 21, 2016 7:42 pm

"Besides, we're not the ones dressed in a Sailor outfit!"

(Down Below...)

Charon: "HEEEEYYYY!!"

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sun Feb 21, 2016 8:11 pm

Arnie100 wrote:"Besides, we're not the ones dressed in a Sailor outfit!"

(Down Below...)

Charon: "HEEEEYYYY!!"

Nova: "Excuse me! What are you doing in MY senshi outfit!?!"

(Taking Charon in a headlock) "Get it through your skull ... I AM SAILOR CHARON! You're just a bony ferryman..."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Feb 21, 2016 9:13 pm

Ice Guard Trooper: "So, yes, even though you might not it for insulation, you appreciate having some ARMOR between your skin and their teeth."
Sailor Moon: "Wait...THEIR TEETH?!"

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Fri Feb 26, 2016 7:13 pm

Veidt: "At last! with this Mechanoid Mothership, we finally have the power to destroy the Protoculture Addicts!"

The Mothership hovers to a stop over the IceGuard base...

Jones: "I sense a crossover coming."

Deep below the IceGuard base...

Lancer: "Argo! Launch!"

Aboard the Mothership...

Veidt & the Mechanoids: "Oh Crud..." :eek:

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sat Feb 27, 2016 12:12 am

Lancer and Argo Crew: "We're off to outer space

We're leaving mother Earth
To save, the human race
Our Star Blazers

Searching for a distant star
Heading off to Iscandar
Leaving all we love behind
Who knows what dangers we'll find

We must be strong and brave
Our home we have to save
If we don't in just one year
Mother Earth will disappear

Fighting with the Gamilons
We won't stop until we've won
Then we'll return and when we arrive
The Earth will survive with our Star Blazers"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Feb 27, 2016 11:03 am

Major Jones: "Okay, guys. remember what I said about cleaning out the refrigerator on a regular basis? You missed a freakin' BATTLESHIP behind the potato salad!"

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sun Feb 28, 2016 12:39 am

"TOOMBS!! STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR FOOD!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Feb 28, 2016 8:05 pm

“Ahem.”
Millie Vanich dodn’t look up from buffing her nails. “Yes?”
”I’d like to speak with your commanding official.”
”Sorry, he’s out now. I can pencil you in for an appointment next week when he’ll have time-”
“He’ll have to MAKE time for me. As in RIGHT NOW.”
”Heard it before. Business or pleasure, so I can enter you right on the calender.”
”Listen, flunky; you have no business being here.”
Millie moved to her other hand. “I’m the secretary of the commander of UEDF Ice Guard. Unless you have an officially revised table of organization that I don’t know about, and can produce it, I’m staying right here.”
“Wha-?! I mean, you AND your boss and everything here doesn’t belong here! This is the Earth of the Great Ice, and Crystal Tokyo is the last, greatest, hope of Humanity on it! It is the SOLE refuge of Humanity against the Great Cold-”
“Sounds like you got cabin fever worse than us. Also sounds like a place that needs the services of Ice Guard to protect Humanity if you’re representative of their defenders-”
The glowing sceptor stuck under her nose punctuated the next proclamation. “This is the Earth of the Crystal Millenium! And this is my message to your boss! Leave! Now! DE-”
***BBBBBBAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZAAAARRRRRRPPPP***
:shock:

***“-AHSH!THSH!TAHSH!TAHSH!TAHSH!TAHSH!T*GURGH***(thud)
***BBBBBBAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZAAAARRRRRRPPPP***
“-witch.” Millie finished off her pinkie finger nail. “That’s enough electrical voltage to fry an adult norca in full charge. and that’s the LOW setting.”
*bzzzttt*
“Hello, Doctor Minitz? Millie here; got a candidate for your popsicle lab here if you’re interested. She’s a little well-done, but she made it here wearing a mini-skirt, so she’s not mundane. You’ll be up to collect in five minutes? Grand.”
(clomp-clomp-clomp)
“Afternoon, Millie.”
“Heya, Alex.”
(sniff-sniff)”-you burned your pop tarts?”
“I burned -a- tart.”
Major Alex Jones toed the still-steaming and trembling mass on the floor.
“What was it?”
“Shake-down. We were on her corner. Minitz is coming up to collect her and measure her for an ice cube.”
“Did you really have to use setting one?”
“You think I should have started with setting five?”
“.....-erg-.....”
“No. And better than that rocket launcher you used last time.”
”You knew?”
“Millie, I don’t know where you got a SILENCER for a rocket launcher or how it would work, but the backblast was kinda telling.”
”Sorry.”
“Nah. You just incinerated the junk mail basket. How the HELL we still manage to get junk mail up here, I don’t know. Well, I better look over the new survey reports. They ARE in, right?”
“Tolliver dropped them off an hour ago. You might want to check them for something called ‘Crystal Tokyo’. Might be a headache later.”
”.....-glllarrrr-....”
“*Sigh* ANOTHER hassle on the horizon? Last time it was those damned Mi-go. Oh well, we’ll deal with it. We always do. Even if we have to sic Rockwell and Gideon on them.”
(shiver) “Isn’t that a little....extreme?”
“Yeah, maybe...ah, no. Gets it over with and quick. Less paperwork to fill out.”
“.....-wimper-....”

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Feb 28, 2016 8:11 pm

Arnie100 wrote:"TOOMBS!! STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR FOOD!"

(Shot of some mook from behind slamming his face repeatedly into the table...only close scrutiny will reveal the TENTACLE around his neck pulling him repeatedly to jackhammer his head into the table).

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sun Feb 28, 2016 8:48 pm

The sentry at the front entrance looked stunned as a massive bearded man stepped away from his Norca drawn sleigh. Dressed in the hides of some of the fiercest predators in the north, he walked straight to the CO's office.

"Hi Millie! I see you toasted another one. I've got the latest Publisher's Clearing House for your boss."

"Just put them over in the corner, I haven't replaced the junk mail box yet."

"Oh! Got the latest news! A Republican Presidential hopeful, what'shisname? The one who makes Shatner's weave look good? Anyway, he tried to get Minmei's endorsement, and she threw him under a bus... No! literally! His own tour bus... So she's coming back up to stay until the elections are over down there."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Feb 28, 2016 10:26 pm

"Minmei."
"Alex."
"Kept your room swept for you."
"Thanks. It's SO NICE to be back here in the Quiet."
"You won't say that once the kids get out of class."
"Tolliver add any new ones?"
"Twins, last October."
"I'll be sure to send a pair of silver spoons when I'm back in the Warm."
"Might be back there sooner than you expect. Spector's pretty sure he's got some dirt on some people involved in your little incident."
"Tell Innes not to hurry. I may just want to sit out this election year. Well, maybe I might junket to Anchorage or Nome, but that's about as much excitement as I want to contemplate. "
".....you haven't heard about our recent meatloaf incident, have you?"
"...My shotgun still in my room?"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Feb 29, 2016 8:37 pm

Decided to go ahead and build a Shemarrian Fringe Tribe inspired by interaction with Ice Guard, but writer's-block stumbling over a good name for the project(don't want to re-use Ice Guard or re-use any parts of the Tribe names already used so far), so I'm giving folks a shot at suggesting an appropriate name. If it's good enough, I'll use and accredit it. Go for it, folks.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Mar 02, 2016 11:53 am

The Ice Guard-inspired Shemarrian tribe have a name at last...the Aurora Warriors*...and a write-up posted in the Shemarrian Fan Creations thread.
They're a bit less loopy and more respectable than the original Ice Guard, but the fact that the Ice Guard has spawned another tribe should be frightening enough. :shock:

*(I'm saving all the wonderful words for 'ice' and 'snow' I came across for tribe member names)

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Wed Mar 02, 2016 3:10 pm

(Down Below...)

Charon : "That's some disturbing s**t."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Mar 02, 2016 8:13 pm

Arnie100 wrote:(Down Below...)

Charon : "That's some disturbing s**t."

If Mi-go, nazi zombies, demon bears, shoggoth, and other polar monsters have souls, you'll be seeing a lot of them, courtesy of the Aurora Warriors :demon:

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Wed Mar 02, 2016 8:16 pm

(Down Below...)

Charon: "Oh, come ON! Seriously?! Bad enough I have to deal with the stupid humans!!" :badbad:

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Wed Mar 02, 2016 9:04 pm

The others looked questionly at Cthulu, who seem oddly happy when he arrived.

Cthulu: "What? Anywhere has got to be better than Annie's toy chest."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Thu Mar 03, 2016 12:05 am

(Down Below...)

Charon: (Noticing Cthulu...) :shock:

"You're gonna have to walk. You can't fit in my boat." :eek:

Cthulhu: "I can shrink myself! REALLY, I CAN!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Mar 03, 2016 5:23 pm

The Aurora Warrior sigil: http://i408.photobucket.com/albums/pp164/taalismn/aurora%20warriors%20sigil_zpsf2spq1gg.jpg

"Wait...they already get a unit patch before WE do?! They're barely five days old! That ain't fair!"

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Thu Mar 03, 2016 5:25 pm

taalismn wrote:The Aurora Warrior sigil: http://i408.photobucket.com/albums/pp164/taalismn/aurora%20warriors%20sigil_zpsf2spq1gg.jpg

"Wait...they already get a unit patch before WE do?! They're barely five days old! That ain't fair!"

"You can file your complaint with Vanich."

"Um, Nevermind..."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Mar 03, 2016 5:47 pm

"Remember when we tried to have a new unit patch designed in-house?"
"Yeah, it wound up eight ft wide and weighing over a half ton....not exactly convenient for shoulder blazes."
"Yeah, but you have to admit; it covered EVERYTHING about the unit."
"...I prefer not to have that shower incident memorialized on a unit-wide official logo insignia..."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sat Mar 05, 2016 12:29 am

Chief Toombs: "I wonder if they would let ME design a unit patch..."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Mar 05, 2016 10:45 am

Arnie100 wrote:Chief Toombs: "I wonder if they would let ME design a unit patch..."

The censorship committee first stamped it out hard "X", then they stamped Toombs out hard "X".

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Mar 10, 2016 5:40 pm

Things to do at Ice Guard with spare motor pool parts:

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/qIY4NNMe1fA/maxresdefault.jpg

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Thu Mar 10, 2016 7:46 pm

taalismn wrote:Things to do at Ice Guard with spare motor pool parts:

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/qIY4NNMe1fA/maxresdefault.jpg

"Hmm ... Needs more FAST Packs."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Mar 10, 2016 8:14 pm

Just don't ask Ice Guard about how many ways there are to destroy a snowman.

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Fri Mar 11, 2016 1:55 pm

SRoss wrote:
taalismn wrote:Things to do at Ice Guard with spare motor pool parts:

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/qIY4NNMe1fA/maxresdefault.jpg

"Hmm ... Needs more FAST Packs."

Tim Taylor: "And more POWER..."
Ice Guard Commander: :shock:

"Who invited HIM here?!"
Tim Taylor: "I don't need no stinkin' invitations."