RIFTS: THREADS BOOK 2 "Displacement" (Serial Fan Fiction)

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RIFTS: THREADS BOOK 2 "Displacement" (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

Set in the same universe as THREADS this new story tells the tale of what happened to the people of the Great Miami Valley of Ohio when they were ripped from Earth and deposited on an Alien World racked with war.

http://ow.ly/rlgS306oNXM
Last edited by Josh Hilden on Fri Feb 22, 2019 12:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 2 of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT we are introduced to the Keltarans, are they friend or foe?

http://ow.ly/QpMQ306sPlH
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Part 3 of RIFTS DISPLACEMENT we get our first round of exposition.

http://ow.ly/Cq4o306xxsp
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Daniel Stoker »

I'm only caught up to 2, but interesting story here so far.


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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 4 the humans and Keltarans meet and we learn a few things.

http://ow.ly/epWx306Bi7I
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Daniel Stoker »

Ok caught up and still very much amused that it's taking place in Dayton where my mother and her family lives.


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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

It's where I live :P
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Daniel Stoker »

Oh you poor poor thing. ;)


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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 5 of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT the Keltarans tell their story to the human refugees.

http://ow.ly/Fcuj306YCPt
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Daniel Stoker »

Write faster damn it! ;)


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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

WE'RE BACK!!!

After a long hiatus RIFTS Displacement returns with a brand new Chapter 1 (no changes to the other chapters) free to read on Watt Pad.

http://ow.ly/uP4N30gI0D4
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Daniel Stoker »

Hurry up and write more! ;)


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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Hotrod »

Daniel Stoker wrote:Oh you poor poor thing. ;)


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Hey, I actually like it in Dayton. Beats the other 11 places I've lived.
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Daniel Stoker »

I've got family there and honestly it's not bad.. but I mean.. it's still Dayton, and even worse has people related to me living there. :p


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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

Hey!

I didn't ask to live here.

:P
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

We go back to before our story starts in order read the first part of a multi-part (probably 5 parts) prologue. Read it, love it, and it will change your life... or maybe you'll just be mildly amused.

http://ow.ly/q2ei30h2i1U
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Tick »

Nice! Speaking of fan fiction, here is a real play web cast for heroes unlimited http://strangecorpseposse.blogspot.ca/ that is a ton of fun to listen too!
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In the RIFTS: Displacement Prologue Part 2 “Shudder” we see the end of Golden Age Earth from high above.


https://www.wattpad.com/504499328-rifts ... 0D-shudder
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Daniel Stoker »

I hope to read through it all this week, but glad to see you writing again... you know... even if you are in Dayton. :p


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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Part 3 of The RIFTS DISPLACEMENT Prologue The orbital community descends into chaos.



http://ow.ly/5cNd30hg601
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Part 4 of the RIFTS DISPLACEMENT Prologue, we get a look at Area 51 on its last day of operation.



http://ow.ly/XMNh30hmiht
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by taalismn »

Ah, good! The Coming of the Rifts from the POV of the ones above. Rifts Orbit doesn't get enough love IMHO.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"

--------Rudyard Kipling
------------
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In the final part of the "RIFTS - DISPLACEMENT" Prologue the USS Yeager and Sheppard Station find themselves on a collision course.

Read all parts for free on WattPad.



http://ow.ly/VJSJ30hLiKA
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

Read Chapter 6 of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT for free (as well as the rest of the story) on WattPad.

In this chapter, we are introduced to The Hawk.


https://www.wattpad.com/559797352-rifts ... 6-the-hawk
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 7 of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT (always free to read on WattPad) the human forces and the forces of the enemy make first contact.



http://ow.ly/v9fC30kEI9j
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Daniel Stoker »

Damn it... had to redo my phone a while back and I keep forgetting to add Wattpad to it again so I can follow the story. I really liked the first 2 chapters and loved the earlier stories so sooner or later I WILL get this done.


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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 8 of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT the human exiles hammer out their future as they stand at the edge of a new war for survival.

As always free to read on Wattpad.


https://www.wattpad.com/612258258-rifts ... referendum
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 9 of RIFTS: Displacement there is treason most foul among the human exiles.

As always, free to read on Wattpad.

#RIFTS #PalladiumBooks #FanFiction

https://www.wattpad.com/612775111-rifts ... dark-seeds
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 10 of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT the face of the enemy is revealed and the stakes are raised exponentially.



As always free to read on @wattpad


#RIFTS #PalladiumBooks #IndieWriter #FanFiction





http://ow.ly/rSbT30lgbnW
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by TeeAychEeMarchHare »

Dayton isn't the worst place to live in Ohio.

That's more a condemnation of Cleveland, Youngstown, and Toledo than any kind of praise for Dayton though. Cleveland sets the bar *real* low. Even for Ohio, Cleveland sucks.

I lived in Ohio for ten LLLLOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGG years. Ohio's state motto should be "At least it's not NY, NJ, MD, MI, or IL".
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Lao Tzume »

Oh wow! I didn't know this took place in the durty DYT! I enjoyed your last work. I live in Dayton also! I love it here.
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

I chose Dayton because I know the area and I wanted Wright-Patt to play a central role. :)
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

The newest chapter of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT is now free to read on Wattpad!


https://www.wattpad.com/623167782-rifts ... %0D-allies
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Hotrod »

I'm quite enjoying this read. I love the concept of a city transported into another dimension. Incidentally, I would love to see this and other similar bits developed as dimension books! It could go a long way towards explaining why humans are so common throughout the Megaverse.

I also like the way you keep it grounded by using a real place. Granted, you did this in Shores of the Dead, too, but it works well in both settings.

I have three (hopefully constructive) criticisms for you:

First, your characters seem to have the same voice. The sentence structures and expressions seem very consistent across most of the speakers. That's a problem for me as a reader when trying to differentiate characters. It feels particularly out of place during cross-species speech. I suggest you develop more distinctive speaking styles for each character. Perhaps a general's tone could be laconic, giving short, dry quips ("With enemies that big, we won't miss much."), while the alien queen speaks with unnatural grammar perfection and formality ("It was we who guided you city hence, Madam Mayor Woodruff."). Just a thought.

Second, this could use a good copy-editing scrub. There are a lot of word choice errors; these don't prevent me understanding your meaning, but they are annoying. For example, in the original post in this topic, you use "racked" which is appropriate for pool balls and rifles, but in this case, it should be "wracked."

Finally, your portrayal of military customs, courtesies, and lifestyle seems a little off. This isn't a huge problem for casual fans, but for folks who have spent years in the military, it can be a bit jarring. For example, a term like "command sergeant" tends to make them wince, as what you probably mean is "command sergeant major" who should be addressed like that if in the Marine Corps, or as "Sergeant Major" if in the Army. Nobody is called a "command sergeant" in any branch of the U.S. military. There are other, more subtle issues, but you might do well to talk to some veterans (of whom there are many around Dayton) and/or get some to read this and talk about it with them. This is also something I noticed in your Shores of the Dead series.

Please don't let any of this discourage you from writing more; I enjoy your stories and look forward to reading more chapters of this fanfic. I mean only to help.
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

I appreciate the feedback. The one thing I will say is that since this is all fanfiction and posted for free on WattPad I don't have the funds to have a full edit done on it. But other than that I'll how to incorporate your suggestions.

Thanks for reading!
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 12 of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT the new alliance stands on the threshold of war. Before the balloon goes up, General Anya Gonzalez takes a few moments for reflection.

https://www.wattpad.com/632330109-rifts ... %0D-equals
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 13 of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT the war to liberate Keltara begins.


https://www.wattpad.com/633125777-rifts ... D-breakout
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 14 of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT we follow POW Lt. Garret Greer behind enemy lines in the Urkasan colonies.


https://www.wattpad.com/633777961-rifts ... e-colonies
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Daniel Stoker »

Just added the app to my new phone and while I'm about 7 chapters behind I can finally get off my butt now and catch up.


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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 15 of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT the Humans and their Keltaran allies pause to lick their wounds, enact repairs, and prepare for the next big push.

#IndieWriter #IndieAuthor #AmWriting #Writing #FanFiction #Rifts #PalladiumBooks


https://www.wattpad.com/635047904-rifts ... -the-pause
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 16 of RIFTS DISPLACEMENT, we learn a few secrets of the Keltarans.

#IndieWriter #IndieAuthor #AmWriting #Writing #FanFiction #Rifts #PalladiumBooks


https://www.wattpad.com/635797962-rifts ... ory-lesson
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 17 of RIFTS: DISPLACEMENT it's the night of the big election. What could possibly go wrong?




https://www.wattpad.com/644698460-rifts ... tion-night
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 18 of RIFTS DISPLACEMENT opposing factions within the alliance attempt to mend the wound separating them.

https://www.wattpad.com/646887374-rifts ... -18-parlay
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 19 of RIFTS DISPLACEMENT Lt. Garret Greer arrives at the heart of Urkasan occupied Keltara and risks everything on behalf of the resistance in general and one person in particular.

#IndieWriter #IndieAuthor #AmWriting #Writing #FanFiction #Rifts #PalladiumBooks


https://www.wattpad.com/647827521-rifts ... -territory
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 20 of RIFTS DISPLACEMENT, the crews of Sheppard Station and The Yeager explore the ruins on the surface of Keltaras moon.

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https://www.wattpad.com/649390467-rifts ... small-step
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Josh Hilden
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 22 of RIFTS DISPLACEMENT, we get to know Archie 5 a little better.

#IndieWriter #IndieAuthor #AmWriting #Writing #FanFiction #Rifts #PalladiumBooks

https://www.wattpad.com/656947167-rifts ... tanglement
Josh Hilden

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"The strength of a civilization is not measured by its ability to fight wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them." - Gene Roddenberry
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Josh Hilden
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Comment: Just another **** from Detroit. Please be kind to yourself and each other.
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 23 of RIFTS DISPLACEMENT romance comes to the Human Republic of Keltara.

https://www.wattpad.com/657392822-rifts ... ding-bells
Josh Hilden

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"The strength of a civilization is not measured by its ability to fight wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them." - Gene Roddenberry
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Josh Hilden
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Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:46 pm
Comment: Just another **** from Detroit. Please be kind to yourself and each other.
Location: The Midwest
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 24 of RIFTS DISPLACEMENT, old friends are reunited and one of our heroes sets off o a secret mission.


https://www.wattpad.com/658128141-rifts ... atching-up
Josh Hilden

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"The strength of a civilization is not measured by its ability to fight wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them." - Gene Roddenberry
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Josh Hilden
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Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:46 pm
Comment: Just another **** from Detroit. Please be kind to yourself and each other.
Location: The Midwest
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Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In CHAPTER 25 OF RIFTS DISPLACEMENT, Lieutenant Garret Greer fights for his life.

https://www.wattpad.com/658515064-rifts ... D-the-duel
Josh Hilden

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"The strength of a civilization is not measured by its ability to fight wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them." - Gene Roddenberry
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Josh Hilden
Adventurer
Posts: 550
Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:46 pm
Comment: Just another **** from Detroit. Please be kind to yourself and each other.
Location: The Midwest
Contact:

Re: RIFTS: Displacement (Serial Fan Fiction)

Unread post by Josh Hilden »

In Chapter 26 of RIFTS DISPLACEMENT, the Allies prepare for the final push into occupied Keltara while in that territory Arch makes progress on his secret mission.


https://www.wattpad.com/661448311-rifts ... -precipice
Josh Hilden

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"The strength of a civilization is not measured by its ability to fight wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them." - Gene Roddenberry
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