Can I post some fanfic here?

[Aaryq]

Hey, is it cool if I post some fanfic here? I've been working on it slowly but surely, and I realized that I don't have a gaming group anymore, nor do I have a website or know anyone that would really enjoy it except my best friend from high school...
Anyways, my take on the CS has a few changes that make sense to me so it's not exactly canon, but I hope you like it. The format is not like a standard story, it's a collection of bits (court testimony, letters from home, briefings, after-action reports, police reports, etc)
I please don't be too harsh on me, it's my first fanfic, but also please give me critique (on both substance and form).
Enjoy

CHAPTER 1: THE BATTLE FOR WILMA CITY
Sniper’s Tale
CS vs. *name terrorist group* Evidence Exhibit 154, recording of Todd MacAfee from Undercover Inspector #35882
“Yeah, I had a little something to do with that. I was sittin’ in my room when Red came bustin’ through the door like a madman holding a letter. I knew that this feller that fought in Tolkeen called the postm’n came. Whenever he does, Red gets real excited. He told me to assemble the team and read it in front of ‘em…ya’ see one of the reasons Red keeps me as his Adjutant is *clears his throat and whispers* Red’s illegitimate. He talks like he was learned by Erin Tarn herself or something but he can’t even write his name. I read real good so he keeps me around.
“Anyway…so I get the team together like Red said and I read the letter. Come to find out, the Dead Boys was fixin’ to clear out Wilma City in the ‘Burbs. We was real angry ‘bout that because that’s where one of our key fund raisin’ joints is at. They was plannin’ to step up foot patrols there to look for a reason to raze the place. Red gave out assignments to everyone. We all knew the CS was gonna eventually plow the whole thing over, but we’d make ‘em pay for every inch. At first I thought this was going to be like any other fight. Shoot a few of ‘em, run away, leave some traps behind…no siree. For some reason Red said that we fight with every bit of fight that we had in us.
“Hey, what’s that you got there?”
*tape is cut off*
“So there I was. It was cold that night. That’s why I ‘member it so well. It was below freezing ‘cuz my canteen had little chunks of ice in it. Since we’d been fightin’ for about 3 days, there was a lot of rubble lyin’ around. We’d backed off the fightin’ some. Red said that if we backed off then they would get complainant or something like that. I was holed up where the bakery used to be, kinda by what was left of their big oven. I knew that CS foot patrol was due to come by any time. They always did. I seen ‘em go by and I noticed the last guy kept lookin’ back at something. I shouldered my rifle to shoot ‘em but then I saw him gesture as if to say ‘screw you.’ Another 300 yards back I saw him. He was wearing his armour and all but it almost looked like it was made for a kid or something. The Dead Boy wasn’t more ‘n 5 feet tall and 110 pounds in full battle rattle. Poor boy wasn’t meant for infantry and you could tell. He was strugglin’ real hard to try to catch up with his team. That dumb S.O.B. must’ve wanted to die. Just as I put my scope towards his brain bucket, this numbskull takes it off.
“What happened next is when it gets strange. I had my scope on ‘em perfect but just as I squeeze off the shot I flinched. I got 133 confirmed kills as a sniper. I never flinch. The shot landed on his shoulder. The only thing I could think is why I flinched was because this young’n wasn’t more ‘n fourteen or fifteen years old. I don’t think my brain could let me kill a kid Deaddie or not. The shot rang true though. Little man fell to the ground screaming like a banshee and crying. I still can’t get those cries out of my head…*shouting* ‘Please! Please don’t kill me! I don’t want to die here! Sarge! Sarge! Don’t leave me here! Mommy! Mommy!” I lined up another shot. With all the racket this kid was making he was gonna give away my position or attract even more Dead Heads. I told myself ‘it’s him or me Toddy…he’s against the cause, he deserves to die.’ But I couldn’t do it. It would be like shooting my own boy who ain’t much younger. The rest of those Deaddies…I don’t know man…that poor boy was screamin’ for a good 25 minutes and nobody came to help him. His team leader must have been using him as bait or something…
I went back to the safe house just down the road, and put away my gun. I could hear the little guy all the way down at the safe house, still bawlin’ so I grabbed my first aid kit, walked down the street and gave the little brat first aid myself. Ironically, his platoon commander came up to me as I was helping him and calming him down and gave me 175 credits for helping the wounded soldier…little does he know I’m using the proceeds to kill more of his countrymen. But if I ever see that “El-Tee” again, I’m killing him in a heartbeat…leavin’ his boy out there like that as bait…no siree, bob. That just ain’t right.

My First Patrol
Letter to Mom & Dad from Private Stryker, Alex
Dear Mom & Dad,
Sorry I haven’t written you for so long. I couldn’t find anybody to write a letter for me. Thankfully Doc Snow (our medic) said she’d write it for me. She’s real nice, you would like her. She’s from Chi Town. Really. From inside of Chi Town. She says it’s not as good as people say, but I don’t think she’s ever been to our little village.
Anyways, I did my first foot patrol yesterday and boy was it interesting. The LT told us that we were out to find a sniper so we got all dressed up in our gear and went. You remember Damien? Chris and Rhonda’s boy? He was there too and he almost got himself killed. We were out in Wilma City and Damien just couldn’t keep up with us. I don’t know how he survived boot camp. We didn’t have but a little day pack with some basic gear in it. I fell to the back of the platoon and was waving him on trying to encourage him. Just then he takes of his helmet and a sniper hits him. He must not have been too good of a sniper though, he just hit his armor. So Damien falls and he’s screaming like a little girl. LT tells us to get down and make a perimeter until the sniper fires again. I was really mad about the whole thing. I grew up with Damien and LT just wants to let him die so we can find a sniper…a sniper that isn’t a very good shot either. Doc felt the same way I did but LT said if anyone goes to help him they’ll get shot too either by the sniper or by him. Sarge must have turned his comm. to closed channel with LT or something because I saw him gesturing at the LT. I could tell Sarge was about ready to kill the LT too. When we got back from the patrol, I asked him about it and he just told me, “I’m a Staff Sergeant in the Coalition Army, and I cannot speak slanderous statements about a Commissioned Officer, whether I think he’s a puss-filled scumbag not worthy of breathing the same air as a D-Bee or not. But don’t worry, Stryker, I don’t think LT will be pulling a stunt like that again.” I knew Sarge had his back
Damien kept on wailing begging not to die, saying he wants his momma and everything like that. Don’t tell Chris though. I know he’s real proud of Damien and I don’t want him to be mad that Damien Cried. I don’t know how long afterwards, but eventually some dark haired skinny guy with a lot of wrinkles came out and started first aid on him. Damien must have woken him up and this guy just wanted peace and quiet. LT came out and gave him some money and we took Damien back.
When I came to visit him in the hospital, he had a pretty nasty wound. The laser hit right by his arm joint and nearly took his arm off. Doc Snow told me that Damien will probably get the choice of getting out of the army or getting a cybernetic arm. I hope he gets out. He’s a cool guy and all but the army just isn’t the thing for him.
Well it’s almost time for our weekly uniform inspection so I’m going to get all dressed up. I’ll take pictures for you. Doc also wanted me to say that she didn’t write it word-for-word because I cuss like a sailor. I know you taught me better, especially to cuss in mixed company but I guess I’m under a bad influence. She also told me to apologize to you for talking like that. Sorry.
Love,
Alex
The letter is then signed with a big red ‘X’

Search and Destroy: Memo for Operations in Wilma City from the desk of LtCol Burnside
Company Commanders,
In the past week we’ve taken twelve casualties in Wilma City. With such a small force, this is unacceptable. Therefore, I must amend my policy regarding Wilma City. Effective immediately, Wilma City is off limits to any one in the 169th CABG. Effective 1 February Wilma City will be considered a hostile enemy camp. Between now and then, I expect our Intelligence Platoon to work with our Aviation arm and dropping leaflets to warn any non-combatants to leave the area. When Wilma City is declared a Hostile Enemy Camp, the rules of engagement will be as follows: Anyone not wearing a Coalition Uniform will be shot on sight. Failure to comply with the rules of engagement will be dealt with by me personally. Furthermore, we will clear the city block-by-block, completely leveling every piece of ground that we take. This will be named Operation Dry Erase. Show no quarter to your enemy. Any Officer that brings in Prisoners taken from Wilma City during Operation Dry Erase will be relieved of his command and charged with failure to obey a lawful order. The exception to this order is for gathering intelligence. If prisoners are taken for the purpose of interrogation and/or intelligence collection, such occurrences will take place in Wilma City and the prisoners are to be executed before leaving Wilma City.
Please ensure the widest dissemination possible within the Battle Group.
Given under my hand at 169th Combined Arms Battle Group, on 6 December in the year 108 Post Apocalyptic,
Frank Burnside, LtCol, Coalition States Army, Commanding

[Bood Samel]

This is awesome.

I kept thinking that if it was acted out and narrated it'd make a great youtube video.

[Danger]

Fan fic is welcome, so long as it adheres to the general board policies.

[Aaryq]

Years later, I have one more:
On the Beat: First Draft of Arresting Officer Statement, Inspector Trainee Jameson (Corrections by Sgt Dunn in italics)

At 0834 on 5 December 108 PA, Sgt Dunn, Inspector Trainee Claude and I received an 810 at 5th and Anders, specifically a Juicer on a Rampage. From where the disturbance was, Sgt Dunn instructed me to reply to dispatch that we’ll take lead since we were only 2 blocks away. We then proceeded to run down Anders Boulevard. Upon arriving at the scene we saw the accused, a male suspect, approximately 17 years old, standing 6’4” and weighing 195lbs with his hands around the throat of the victim, a well dressed elderly woman. I shouted for the suspect to let the woman go and get on the ground. At this time, IT Claude and I drew our Neural Maces and Sgt Dunn drew his C-18 Service Pistol. The suspect then ripped the woman’s purse off and started to run down 5th street. Sgt Dunn witnessed him throwing something out of his pocket. Further evidence revealed that it was an unidentified narcotic and a candy bar wrapper. We chased after him. During the foot pursuit, Sgt Dunn informed us that it was not actually a juicer but an individual who has taken drugs and impersonates a juicer.

The suspect then ducked into an alley on H Block. It was a dead end. Sgt Dunn fired a warning shot at the suspects feet and instructed to lay down flat on the ground. The suspect unsuccessfully tried to climb the wall and squared off at us. At this point, I secured my Neural Mace and drew my C-18 Service Pistol. Again Sgt Dunn instructed the suspect to get on the ground and warned him that IT Claude would attack him if he did not comply. The suspect then charged at us. It was at this moment that I discharged my C-18 Service Pistol. The laser blast did not hit the suspect, but instead hit the ground because Sgt Dunn had hit my hand as to not kill the suspect. Immediately after, the suspect then tried to shoulder check Sgt Dunn, but Sgt Dunn had used his momentum in a Judo-Throw similar to that in Inspector Cadet Manual CS-ISSM-C-03. The suspect began to resist so I began to assist Sgt Dunn in restraining him while telling IT Claude to strike him with the Neural Mace “Until he stopped moving he complied” IT Claude did as ordered, striking him once in the right thigh and once in the left buttocks.

The suspect was subdued and I radioed for a patrol vehicle to assist in bringing the subject into the precinct. The suspect then tried to tell us that he was a very famous juicer and we would be marked for assassination. Sgt Dunn then pulled off the suspect’s bio-comp harness revealing that the suspect was in-fact not a juicer. He offered drug counseling to the suspect, but he refused, stating over and over that he could fly and that he, “Smoked Rocks.” After about 5 minutes of this Sgt Dunn Struck the suspect in the chest with his neural mace. While in handcuffs, the suspect continued resisting and attempting to spit on us. He then complained about feeling very tired and fell asleep. The suspect was unconsciousasleep when we placed him into the patrol vehicle.

Suspect is currently in Precinct 3, cell H-5 awaiting trial for possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of a bio-comp harness, possession of narcotics, assault, robbery, fleeing the scene of a crime, and3 counts of assaulting an ISS Inspector, distributing narcotics, and littering.

Advise Regional Prosecutor to pursue the death penalty.

Inspector Trainee Charles Jameson
*statement reviewed by Sgt Roger Dunn, ISS*

Pushing Out: A letter from SSgt Stone Upon Receiving Orders to COP Vandegiesen


My dearest Michelle,
By the time you receive this letter I will be in the front. The rumor mill was true. 3rd and 4th platoon are going to Combat Outpost (COP) Vandegiesen. The Battalion Commander called us in today to give us our orders. This place is barely a path in the ground. I guess it’s a small airstrip, a few watch towers, a tent city and some bunkers surrounded by berms and vibro-wire. The LT asked about why it was named COP Vandegiesen and the Old Man said that it’s named after a CS pilot named Captain Vandegiesen that was shot down trying to drop the very first supply shipment to some grunts that were holding the area before it became a COP…pretty well respected around these parts.

The thing that’s killing me though is the fact that nobody has told us what we’re doing there or why we’ll be there. All that we know is that we’re going to be part of a joint security element with the Naval Infantry and Psi-Bat while the engineers build up the base. Gosh, I hate working with Naval Infantry. They’re so damned cocky. I mean, we all know that man for man they’re better than us, but they constantly have to show off about it.

Back to the point, the rumor mill has gone nuts over this place. The common theme is that it’s going to end up as a staging point for an offensive. After that, it’s up in the air, it could be against pirates, smugglers, some small kingdom that might become the next Tolkeen, the Québécois…who knows. The one I believe is true though is there’s an underground movement, lead by survivors of Tolkeen and fanatics that were unable to make it out to fight in the Juicer Uprising organizing not too far from the area and we’re going to contain them. Frankly, I don’t care.

Anyways, if you don’t hear from me for a while, you’ll know why.

Author's Note: Captain Vandegiesen was my OIC when I was in Camp Pendleton back in 2007-2008. In 2010 he in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan along with another very good friend of mine. They flew hard until the very end. He was a great man, and I can honestly say I don’t know a single person who didn't like him.

[Alrik Vas]

These are great. Love the reports and letters type storytelling when it comes to military action. Glad you're taking a stab at it, Aaryq.

[say652]

Keepin linestar safe and crimefree. Like the style.

[Aaryq]

I've kind of hit some writer's block. Ideas or suggestions? Maybe a background and a format of how the story is told?

[Alrik Vas]

Story structure can be pretty important, yeah. Best to study up. I'm not a teacher, unfortunately.

Though study will also give you some more ideas on opponents.

[Hotrod]

I wrote what eventually became a novel-length manuscript here on the boards about a year and a half ago. Based on my experience, I'd make a few suggestions:

1. Have a central story arc. It's ok if you meander here and there, but like Frodo and the Ring, Rainbow 6 and the eco-terrorists, Babylon 5 and the Shadow War, Longmire and his wife's murder, Caesar and his conquest of Gaul, or Elizabeth Bennett and getting married to someone who isn't a complete loser, it helps to have a sense that you're going somewhere.

2. Keep things moving. One of my rules for writing fiction is that something important has to happen or change in every chapter.

3. Develop your characters and their relationships as the story unfolds. Another personal rule: relationships need some back-and-forth, or they get boring.

4. Show, don't tell (you do a pretty good job of this, but it's the single best piece of writing advice I ever got).